Kenisha Mei - nurse- healer- single mom - entrepreneur - Bold Hearted

introduction: 0:07

You're listening to fascinating women with Mark Laurie. And now, Mark Laurie.

Mark Laurie: 0:14

Hello, everyone, it's Mark Laurie here from fascinating women.ca It's delightful to have you here today. Normally, you would find me behind a camera with beautiful women in front of me. And I record their photographs to tell their story that way. But every now and then I get these really interesting people fascinating, if you will. And today is no exception. Today, I've got Tanisha may in its name, he's going by these days to suggest that she goes by the names when she shouldn't. But she has a range of things she can talk about, and I think you're gonna find this and kind of interesting so welcome kaneesha

Kenisha Mei: 0:48

Thank you, Mark. Beautiful introduction.

Mark Laurie: 0:52

Always good to have a good introduction. That's always that's always nice. So are you as you can see here of course I don't have the video on here but she's got this pile of scratchy kind of hair. And the teutuls her shoulder so are you a native from Canada? Do you come from elsewhere?

Kenisha Mei: 1:09

No, I'm from BC born and raised Vancouver Island and then I took that for granted I miss BC all the time. So as far as water,

Mark Laurie: 1:18

as far as Canada is concerned, you're from another land. I'm an aquarium too. That's that's a cool, cool sign. Big worldly view sign big picture kind of stuff for so anything happened in because you're dealing with your nurse now as you're sort of staying you're not in the medical profession and hospital kind of stuff. It's you're finding your own little kind of wait for it. What from your childhood? Got you on this path?

Kenisha Mei: 1:47

Oh, going back to my childhood you're so young.

Mark Laurie: 1:49

It's not that far.

Kenisha Mei: 1:54

Yeah, from from right. When I was little my mom has always said I just enjoyed helping people. I just that always made me feel good. Just being able to give back from you know, but being a candy striper. Like back in the day. I don't even know if they still do that.

Mark Laurie: 2:11

We had a girl in recently that that's what she did. Yeah,

Kenisha Mei: 2:15

I don't know if it's pink and white stripes. Yeah. So I was that girl. You know, in elementary school and even before I was allowed to volunteer, I was under age or wasn't You didn't meet the age requirements. Oh, wow. But yeah, just that girl like, you know, even bringing my cat into the the long term care center for the member this lady needed. She had those fake cats everywhere that looked like real cats and ended up from talking to the manager like this was when I was so young and brought my cat in. And I ended up getting lost in the hospital and it became a thing and I think they probably didn't allow pets. And after that. I tried trying that's all that matters. So I always say

Mark Laurie: 3:01

So did your Were your parents instrumental in becoming a helper?

Kenisha Mei: 3:08

Well, I can never and I didn't grow up with my dad. He was always absent. And my mom was sort of absent to raising me my sisters. She's single mom right. Working full time. So yeah. I don't know where it came from.

Mark Laurie: 3:25

No, Are you the oldest youngest only? Oh, this oldest shot?

Kenisha Mei: 3:28

Do you have any other sister? She's five years younger than me.

Mark Laurie: 3:31

She always had the nerve to nurture her and help her Yeah. So how does being a single mom family kind of thing affect how you see the world?

Kenisha Mei: 3:45

Um, that's a good question that changes pretty much every day. I just have so much respect for single moms I you know, I didn't realize the the strength it takes to do that on your own and, and for me, it's just it's just recent, my divorce is just of last year. So I yeah, I couldn't I can't even imagine just even from the very start raising my girls on my own with with no support. So and it's just and I will get into this later. But I'm just so grateful to be a part of this community because without everybody involved I don't even know where I'd be right now. It's been tough but at the same time it's I've learned so much and I continue to grow every day and I would not change any decision that I've made. I am right where I'm supposed to be. I don't even know if that answered your question.

Mark Laurie: 4:40

I pretty much did. I guess the core question was when you're you've got children who have learned from from both parents. I like my background. I almost grew up on marble Street. I had two parents and it was a when they put became apparent like if I somebody the neighborhood caught you doing something they said that's bad. You're grounded for three nights that sort of So my mom Oh, he's doing something bad. We ground him for three months. It's Oh, that's that's a punishment then it's like, really? Because it's a neighbor. It's not fair. Yeah. Yeah. Is that you? Did you see the world differently? Like when you're like you not having a father there? Does there things that you go. Other kids had those things? And my superpower because they didn't have that is this? Yeah, I I don't know. Because you would have been with a with a five year old with a sister younger than you that much younger. And the oldest also, you would have probably done some parenting things like you'd be the babysitter and you'd be the

Kenisha Mei: 5:43

Yeah, not just even looking back now. Because my sister had a different dad than me. So I just, I'm just, I think I've blocked a lot of it out and that you're bringing it up here. Yeah, no, I didn't really have to. I don't feel like I really had to raise her because she had I was sort of like the black sheep when my sister was born. Yeah, my mom was away working and her dad just favored her. And I grew up always feeling like not good enough. There was points that I was not even allowed in the house. Really? For a long portion. Yeah, yeah. This conversation with my mom a little while ago, and I was like she didn't even written didn't even know it was happened. It happened. Yeah.

Mark Laurie: 6:31

So it was hard to believe looking back even probably for the parent when you because you remember not quite the same thing. But my feeling of mom's failed, was my my sister had eyeglasses, she had to have bad vision then nobody really knew. And so mom got the glasses fixed. And it was just like a thing. And a driving home. And Jackie suddenly goes, there's letters on those signs. And mums like oh my god. The whole world she had no idea of and then so I imagine that something is traumatic because you're like if we weren't allowed the house where it you go?

Kenisha Mei: 7:08

I was at the park all day. Yeah. Yeah, like back in the day. I think I am so old, I am 35.

Mark Laurie: 7:18

Literally almost half my age. Oh, yes. We're so old. I can't remember when I was at age

Kenisha Mei: 7:25

Remember when gas was yeah, no, I remember being at the park. They had Park days. So it was during the summer. And from eight till four. It was like that was the childcare I guess. And because my sister is five years younger, I just, there was such an age gap. And with her dad being so involved, and yeah, it was really a lot of the attention and focus was on her. And then I was just sort of always left to do my own thing. So I never really felt that I specifically was nurturing her until probably about high school was actually the reason why I came out to Alberta. There was a lot of family stuff going on. And my mission was to get out to Alberta become a medic make lots of money, so I could support me and my sister.

Mark Laurie: 8:13

That was like a synapsis for a movie. Girls gonna find fun, and there's gonna be some villain somehow they'll take them away and travel the world and they'll all survive. Every body wants to have an adventure. We want to know that we survived without being maimed and dying. We read these books, we just want to back the hero. Except for the part where the sidekick dies. I don't want to be the sidekick that's a bad thing to be a bad character. So that kind of upbringing. Did that give you a focus? individuality? I guess?

Kenisha Mei: 8:44

I think so. I think just my mom with her working so much. I just knew from really young age that I had to be independent. And I was I had to find my way on my own. And I had to have a career, whatever my future was going to be it was not to be relying on anybody else. Because I felt probably at a young age. I couldn't depend on anybody. So

Mark Laurie: 9:05

so you'd mentioned earlier, become a medic made lots of money was that making money at a drive thing like a part that became a necessity in your mind?

Kenisha Mei: 9:17

Yeah, definitely. At that time, like I moved out when I was I came on to Alberta when I was 18. I left home really early like at 16. My mom just did not get along. And the men that she was with I just felt like they they and she is she has admitted it to which has helped me with my healing because for me when I had my girls it's like they'd always come first. Like I don't ever want them to feel that I'm choosing anybody else over them and because just because I felt that way growing up, and so yeah,

Mark Laurie: 9:49

I've seen them the other adorable things but they think that's not part of their verbal creatures, but they are doing wanting things to look like twins, especially when you arrived paint a picture for it. and see arrived. And the three of them look like they're off of a movie said looking identical, it's like if, of course you're wearing our matching dress. It's the whole the whole process, but they were very, we're going to there's a big group thing that was kind of happening in different, different processes going on. And they were determined to be part of it. And they're saying that when you got to have their say, they're almost surprised that they got to have their say, they were just adorable, but they were fearless. I thought, my impression of them and I firmly believe that when you get fearless children's because you got to fearless parent.

Kenisha Mei: 10:32

That's exactly what I'm trying to teach them. Yeah, thank you.

Mark Laurie: 10:37

Thank you, you've done a reasonably good job of that so far, good start. precious things to give. So you're going through your journey is survival journey or connecting putting your past together pieces, how would you describe your journey,

Kenisha Mei: 10:52

so many journeys? Like you're just talking about earlier, like, just really just trying to figure myself out, I've grown up with the set, you know, I'm gonna just say, and inside the box, I can, why, you know, and I need to make money because I need to support myself and support my family, and then you get married, and then you get kids, and then you you know, you have the dream house and all these things laid out and as it's happening, and the plan demic is great for a lot of realizations, but it was just in the height of it. And it was like, I don't this doesn't mean anything to me, like the fancy cars and, and you know, the big home and all those, that those aren't my true values. And what is most meaningful to me is the connections that I'm having with people. And that was getting lost in in our family. And I tried for a couple years to do my best to to make that work. But it just it wasn't working. And just even last year, just coming out of it. I'm just like, how many people are happy, you know, like, I'm just I'm really happy.

Mark Laurie: 11:59

I can so relate, I wake up every morning, I wake up like, this is gonna be a cool day. Like I just, and I've been lucky, I'm almost double your age. But it's what I do. I love so deeply. And I I've organized my life in a way that I get most amazing people intersected. And that's the you know, the course of this kind of thing. But yeah, that is, that's, that's, that's a very wealth when, when you are, etc. And then once I believe once you're happy with yourself, I mean, you're still there's always changes always evolution, then it's easier to bring happiness and success to other people that you don't love yourself first. And we still got things always overcome. But it's

Kenisha Mei: 12:42

interesting learning on that loving myself, and I can love everybody unconditionally. And I think a lot of people that's where they fall is like they can't they're not loving themselves unconditionally. Because that's, that's the hardest part.

Mark Laurie: 12:54

It is challenging, but it's, I have found for the work that I've done that until you love yourself unconditionally. The love you give other people is in some ways a sacrificial love. Because there it's easy to over give and and bring yourself out. Yes, I experienced that. Yes. And it's, there's a lot that kind of kicks in, there's a whole bunch I believe where you are. You feel it sometimes like it's a false front. Because you you don't love yourself and then you tell everybody else that you know self love and all these kind of things and you're not quite walking your walk.

Kenisha Mei: 13:33

Exactly. That's exactly what I'm like you can do anything and then and then I'm like, Okay, I don't even believe in that for myself. So how can I be telling somebody else that like so Exactly. Yeah,

Mark Laurie: 13:45

it kicks it does that trick one person told me that the this the first time I've heard that because you probably heard the call the swinging at the Faker syndrome. The phrase I hate that when a word disappears in my mind. It's where you just do they like your content or something that's like the fake it till you make it. No, it's the it's where you feel like you're a fraud. And there's a phrase for it. Oh, imposter syndrome. Okay, yeah. And she said, when most people tend to feel they're in the middle of an impostor syndrome, it's because of moving outs, they're going through change, you're going outside of your own boundary. And so you notice that you haven't quite transitioned to a comfort zone. And so as you're moving into this new comfort zone, you feel like you're a fraud because you haven't quite finished the transition if you don't quite believe in yourself. Yeah. And that's the that's the change that kind of happens. And that's my photography comes in because we're able to show you your beauty inside and out when we do our stuff makes a massive difference.

Kenisha Mei: 14:44

I need to see the beauty in myself for sure. And I would like to help others and be a part of of that to the process.

Mark Laurie: 14:52

Yeah. So what was the turning point in your life when things that when you've left home was that when you hit Calabrese that we You had your kids when was a big? You look back on the landscapes. Okay, there's one there's one those big mileposts that say something important happened here.

Kenisha Mei: 15:08

Yeah, going back to when I when I left high school when I was in high school sorry, I left home at 16 I moved in with my high school boyfriend was a huge thing. Then moving to a different province at 18. That was big. Going up as a medic and high level out in assumption like the last place, an 18 year old girl should be really on her own. So yeah, there's still a lot, a lot of change there and growth and, and then probably just going through the divorce right now mixed in with the everything in the past two years is, you know, I was away if I'm no longer that, you know, I was a stepmom you know, my my stepdaughter, she went back to her biological mom and last year, so that's been tough on her and the family for sure. Losing my job as a nurse and not not that I'm not, I'm always going to be a nurse. But that took me a long time to realize that I'm always relying on other people to tell me who I am and what my title is. And now I'm stepping into a place of this uncertainty and I'm like, who am I? I don't even know what I'm doing anymore.

Mark Laurie: 16:25

Nobody gives me a title.

Kenisha Mei: 16:28

Here I'm where I hate labels. So at the same time, I'm I designed the shirt that says less labels more acceptance, but then now I'm waiting on people. I'm like, Well, what am I and now I really it doesn't matter. Like, you know, I'm just, I'm just free to be SP whatever I decide when I wake up in the morning.

Mark Laurie: 16:46

Labels are tricky things. I've, I'm not a fan of labels either with them. But I find that labels people want to be labeled, like it's like I can look at my tribe, for example, it's gonna be one of the labels are gonna go for. And so I also believe labels are a form of control. Like once you once you marketers decide, okay, so now that we know what you are, and they start kind of funny, I mean, way back in the day, with one time department stores should just that's the adult section. And that's a kid section. And if you're and there was dresses and pants, and the kid decided one way to dress, it was a boy that they didn't know they didn't care back then. And it was there's not big range of fabrics. And so and then somebody decided, well, if we divide them up, and we can market them specifically and we can charge one of the things I find so amazing is when we get charged more money for the same thing like razors and stuff like I just like it's the same device. Like it's plastic. It's the blade, it's not special, like oh, you're for women. So we've done special stuff for you with me that whatever.

Kenisha Mei: 17:47

Venus has more moisture

Mark Laurie: 17:51

than the men by this You look good. But it's the simple things like for example, I think wives are classified as blue and women are pink girl look girls pink. originally put Boy Color was pink because it was designed as passion and blues for women because a soft and mellow. That was original thing. But when the department stuff come with stuff came along and they're making signs up the marketing guy of the headlight when messed up, we got the science mixed up. And they didn't bother changing it. So in that one marketing moment, the colors got switched.

Kenisha Mei: 18:22

Who is this guy? That makes absolute sense. Why am I not surprised? Yeah.

Mark Laurie: 18:30

So he's looking to go so is it so that whole thing like there's reason the boys are blue? Yes. Because back in the day, they were common clean. And now there is a systematic process. The other thing that's fine with marketing was the was CIA and this guy come with ID if we track people's buying habits, we could know we could define them and we could then we could then decide how we could terminate their spies or something they had the CIA at the time goes. That's horrible. Who would we would not do that were gentlemen. So he left the CIA and then started the marketing company it was this is way back when so he's doing something that back then said the CIA wouldn't touch because it was too evil. So it kind of goes into it. What's the best advice you have received

Kenisha Mei: 19:22

just off the top of my head of the most recent one because that's what I wake up to now because I literally wasn't even sleeping because you know, your mind is won't shut off. And now I'm just like, just trust trust in the universe. Just stop trying going back to the control. I can't. I haven't controlled anything and everything has just been working for me. So I'm just gonna go with just trust. Ya

Mark Laurie: 19:45

Now, that's something you've learned what? Someone gives you advice at some point

Kenisha Mei: 19:56

I don't know. I can't think of that. Now. Sorry.

Mark Laurie: 19:59

Good. If it comes back to you just interrupt, it's come to me. So, you have a slogan besides this trust that you've like a famous quote that you follow yourself buying.

Kenisha Mei: 20:13

My favorite one is for me is that's helped me in my life is just to allow love and strength to conquer the weight of your past. That's my tattoos.

Mark Laurie: 20:24

That's your tattoo, you know, who made the quote, me? You made the quote.

Kenisha Mei: 20:30

Unquote. Hey, I got quotes from Gandhi and all these famous people a lot,

Mark Laurie: 20:38

and they weren't good enough for Gandhi. Famous people know, you guys just aren't expressive enough. You. You are not good enough. You're you're quoting is inadequate. I've got one that's better.

Kenisha Mei: 20:50

This time works. With my daily, daily life

Mark Laurie: 20:54

struggles, yes, your belief is the world the universe rotates around you that I gather from

Kenisha Mei: 21:01

something alone? Yeah, I think, yeah, just the weight of your past is, you know, so much trauma and and all the challenges everybody in it just gets piling and piling. And if you don't let that go, or if you don't, if you don't heal yourself, then that wait, just it sucks you in. And then you get to a place where, you know, where maybe for me anyways, where I just didn't feel like life was worth living. And then you, you just you let go. And you just believe that you have to have that strength and just to love and and that just conquers everything.

Mark Laurie: 21:38

life wasn't worth living. How deep did that go? For you?

Kenisha Mei: 21:42

There's been a few times when I was like when I had moved out there and 60. And I had, I took a bunch of pills. And I don't know if it was more of a tension thing back then trying to, you know, express that I wasn't feeling loved or wanted. But I just remember feeling like I just didn't want to be around anymore. The pain was just too too much. And I just wanted to give up. And yeah, same thing last last winter, I was feeling the same thing going through the burning out through all life's challenges. And yeah, and again, I go back to just one person just needs to show me some love. And that just brings you brought me back and I hold on to that,

Mark Laurie: 22:28

like a lifeline thing and it pulls you out. I don't think people understand how a good word a kind gesture that is a throwaway for them can mean so much to the person that gets it? Is that kind of what happened with you that? Yes, and

Kenisha Mei: 22:44

that's what I tell everybody. That part of our community, it's everybody has value. Everybody has something to offer, whether it's just an ear to listen or a hug. At the end. That's all I needed that day. Like I have so many little examples. Just yeah,

Mark Laurie: 23:00

that's it. I've heard that a lot. I met one guy where he dealt with kids at risk, I was his whole thing. And he would talk about music, where the the person was solo, they're just about to walk away. And this one song be playing and they would listen to the song for like an hour to get through their moment. And then they would would kind of come through

Kenisha Mei: 23:21

everybody's different everything. You don't you at the end of the day, you don't know what somebody needs, and yeah,

Mark Laurie: 23:26

or what they're what they're walking through. It's it's takes a constant reminder, when someone is being evil to you, if you will, you know, like anything from a store clerk. To a neighbor, anybody that's just, you know, seems snarky and sharp, and you think, Oh, my God, and then my constant reminders, you have no idea what they're what they're in the middle of right now. And, and so sometimes your role is to be the person gets tongue lashed. So that person can kind of get something off their chest and then move on. And once you recognize that what they're doing is not anything to do with you. I think it's easier to kind of absorb it and say, Well, you seem to have needed that so Exactly. Yeah. What do you see your future challenges are stuff that you've got yet to face?

Kenisha Mei: 24:16

Oh, so many huge challenges. Even every day, I feel like it's a struggle to stay to stay strong and to stay hopeful. So you know, becoming I don't like to say I'm becoming an entrepreneur, but just to be able to support myself for me and my children to be able to do that. And losing the title of being I decided not to register this year actually. So just trying to find my way as a nurse and as a person who wants to help and what does that look like? When you're showing me like there's so many possibilities. There's this endless opportunity So

Mark Laurie: 25:01

there is it's there's such a fight I'll talk later with some of the connections we've got the can kind of plug into it. There's there's so much knowledge so much opportunity entrepreneur is a headspace. I hit mine when I was probably 16. My dad was working math and he Paco, what's that? He says, I'm figuring out what he was wage. He said fair when we be making, you know, 15 years from now. Like, you can do that. It says, yeah. Why would you want to do that? He says, Well, it's a big number of marks. Yeah, but that's all you can make now like you, you know, today, what you said is gonna be how could you live with that? Like it was just horrified looking back that was mind dropping her moment? was just like, No, so you take the risk because I know a lot of stuff there's times when I look back on that McDonald's job would pays more than my photography job right now. So what's something you fail that if you do then it can be a learning lesson for you?

Kenisha Mei: 26:02

I think can I relate that back to myself? Yep. Just again, going back to that just loving myself and doing my self care thing I have a tendency to neglect myself. So if that's considered a failure in a way Yeah, and that's something I'm just constantly knowing that's there that I can just keep working on.

Mark Laurie: 26:25

So I'm just gonna recap this real bit so you're a person who has come close to the dark side if you will, and you and you've been acquiring skills to to self love through that. What are those when you turn that point? What what does your self love look like that pulls you through stuff.

Kenisha Mei: 26:47

Self love

Mark Laurie: 26:50

for self care means that's a better term that's called self care

Unknown: 26:53

self care well and that would be it just loving myself like I like we're talking about with the photography I can't even look in the mirror he's everybody is and I'm just so blessed to everybody's appreciates the beauty but I don't see that and I'm trying to tell I can see why the beauty that you see you know,

Mark Laurie: 27:12

and I can see your concerns I look at you right now she's she's really pretty look right now you know that your lobes not not even I can spot that out there's freckles, there's so many there's so many things that are that are challenging, but with the point of that, is that going back to you know, where people are at is you'll see beautiful people and we get them a studio that have got all sorts of image struggles. And you think you look at the veneer of their life because you don't see what's deep inside and oh my god how do you have the right to complain? You know, and then have someone come in that has got every disadvantage in the world is at their doorstep. They are they they're far from pretty by normal standards by still find beauty in them. And they're just happy to duck and they think they look perfect. And we had two girls that come on time their friends and and the one that was short and a little bit dumpees How she phrased herself so I'm okay with it. She goes home with a guy every night and the girl who is this beautiful girl. She always doesn't. I don't know how that works. I look sexier. She gets the guy so I don't know what that is. Who inspires you?

Kenisha Mei: 28:19

Um, oh my goodness. I used to have like, you know, I loved Ellen DeGeneres and Oprah all these things and then now who inspires me or just the like people like you like people that I'm meeting that are coming into the community and I'm just just speechless with the people that are just genuinely authentically helping other people and just providing such a service that hat is invaluable and those are those those people inspire me

Mark Laurie: 28:50

Do you think there's a shift in the world that having the the the individual spot people like the heroes the ones Oh, everybody wants to be a like fat person and that's shifting down to the everyday hero is that do you think that's something that's happens or still overwhelming sense of heroes out there that people still go to but don't see their fellow man that way?

Kenisha Mei: 29:13

Yeah, that's a that's funny because like even like as the nurse like on the front line like we were the heroes right didn't because decisions I made not to be jabbed so I will have a sudden I was being called a murderer like instantly so it's I mean yeah, for for me for my hero is just somebody that has has courage to stick to their own values and you know that again, helping other people and those are the people that I look I look to and I feel like it's has to be the people I know like it's it's nice to idolize and think of all these people there but like I just for me and where I'm at, it's just so I need to be in the present and surrounded by What is making me be my best self? So you are like a hero to me. Even the lady that did the website. I mean, she's my miracle worker, like I call her a miracle. I think she made her company miracle phrase. Yeah, I

Mark Laurie: 30:14

just I just I do love it. So what personality trait do you wish you had

Kenisha Mei: 30:19

the confidence just to be like, give myself that unconditional love to see that beauty that everybody else sees? Like, I'm just so hard on myself, I and I know, I have a lot of inner work to do. Because I know that stemming from my child of not feeling worthy. So it's like, a self punishment or something. But, yeah.

Mark Laurie: 30:43

So how So you grew up not feeling worthy? Did you have moments when you do feel worthy?

Kenisha Mei: 30:51

Yeah, through through this like, and the feedback that I get from people who just love being around me. And you know, in that kind of exchange, I feel my worth, when I'm able to give something to somebody.

Mark Laurie: 31:07

How do you impart because you're going back, you're a single mom, again? How do you impart that sense of worthiness to your children? How do you pass that down and nurture it?

Kenisha Mei: 31:21

How do I pass down?

Mark Laurie: 31:24

feeling safe, that they even embed them with their feeling of worth worth worthiness?

Kenisha Mei: 31:30

Yeah, and then, and this is to is that is something that I'm working on is to, for them, to, for them to always feel that unconditional love will allow them to feel to feel worthy. As I am already seeing that with them, they always want to make sure like, Is this okay? Is this okay? And you're always trying to get that validation and like, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what you do, or I'll always love you. And just so that they know that, because I feel like a lot of my trauma is from not not feeling that or knowing that

Mark Laurie: 32:03

it's important to understand that somebody loves you unconditionally. I think there's at least one person out there that that would do anything for you. And that that you will live up to them. So it's the I'm I'm always impressed with good parents where the kids do read your kids.

Kenisha Mei: 32:21

Yes, that's a hallmark guys now they can read to me starting to read to me

Mark Laurie: 32:27

is so cool. I found that it's been a hallmark and it's not always 100% True, but all my clients that come through that I that I listened to how they deal with their kids and how they interact with them and and I'm looking at the kids going you're gonna be a really good grown up a new grew up like you're an interesting individual at five. They all read. Yeah, for the all read. It's it's an interesting, it's an interesting process. What resources have really helped you with your journey that someone could also turn to

Kenisha Mei: 32:55

resources?

Mark Laurie: 32:59

Courses, you've taken that or were value books that you've read out that you've been given insights to share with you. Most of them probably Gilligan's Island.

Kenisha Mei: 33:14

Oh, man, um, I can't think of anything off the top of my head, you know, like, it's, I think back to nursing. Like that's, that's that was a lot of value. But then like, I'm just you're asking all these these good questions, but I'm just such in a place of uncertainty. Like I just feel like I'm so like, I don't know anything right now. I feel I was just telling somebody yesterday, I'm like, my whole life's been a lie. I don't know what's going on anymore. But, you know, like, going back to the nursing like that, that's, that was great. But at the same time, I'm realizing there was so much that was missed there, you know, you briefly touch on mental health. And now I'm finding that is a big component. Like it starts there. Right? So why isn't that more of a focus. And then I'm meeting people that are teaching me about the holistic and the spirituality, and these are just areas that I've never had an opportunity to have time to look into. And now that I have, I just finally for the first time feel like a passion like I'm resonating in an area that I'm like, I want to be doing all these things, you know, the light therapy, the ozone therapy, the dark like the microscopy like actual things that are going to be helping people. So going back to the your question there, I just feel like I'm just so at a loss of trying to understand like, even going back to the idle, like I loved all these people, but then at the same time, it's like, I don't know, you know? Who's controlling them like it's like, I just feel like there's so many puppets out there now. Like I don't Yeah. That makes any sense. Yeah,

Mark Laurie: 34:54

it does. It does. Do it. What are you curious about? When you step away from the mayhem you're in and you look for something that is completely unrelated to all this stuff you're doing? What do you find curious?

Kenisha Mei: 35:12

I'm really just curious of what the future is gonna unfold. Like, I can't I'm excited about the future. I'm very curious to see. Yeah, what that looks like,

Mark Laurie: 35:23

what's your belief, the future will hold a bright, shiny future is it?

Kenisha Mei: 35:27

I know, I'm going to be a part of a bright, shiny. manifest that my children and the community and yeah,

Mark Laurie: 35:39

it's a it's a belief I have with with parents is that I remember, my mom's was one time she was if you have any doubt of what the future is gonna be, like, go to high school graduation. Because that's there's nothing but a sense of future for the kids. But I believe that every parent that brings a child, you don't bring a child into this universe, this world, unless you believe there's gonna be a future for them. Is that fair? Yeah. And then you have to help shape the future as well. So I think that the very fact that child comes along seems to be a statement that I believe in the future. It's gonna, it's gonna be there. What kind of things to think of exists in the future. Like, what do you think? What do you think, with Star Trek person? I'm a shiny, I'm a shiny person. i i Gene Roddenberry's view of the future as full of candy cane and whipped cream is my guess is throwing in?

Kenisha Mei: 36:38

I would like that. Yeah, I think just I just for me, I see a space that is going to be safe and just authentic. Yeah, because I'm already experiencing that now. And I see it growing every day. And that is what I want to be a part of.

Mark Laurie: 37:01

You've hit on a thing that I remember discovering years ago, the concept of a tribe. You find like minded people, like I'm with my business, I've organized in such a way that I tend to attract a certain type of woman that comes in, and she's kind of my tribe. And so I could look into like, Okay, I gotta spend 10 hours with you, by the time are things done? Am I gonna enjoy those 10 hours. So it's so I tend to gather people that I just again, find kind of fascinating, kind of cool, and sort of take it from there.

Kenisha Mei: 37:32

And law of attraction. And again, that's something new to I'm just learning. And it's like, Yeah, as soon as you like, whatever you're putting out, you're, you're gonna receive. And that's a big thing, too, with just trusting and yeah, just receive just be open to receive and you don't know what's going to come through your door.

Mark Laurie: 37:51

There's a guy named John keyhole. And he was literally one of the fathers of mind power, he went away, this is proud way back and got 67 These kinds of stuff. And he checked out, like I bought his particular course. And it's, it's really wild, he's got ways to control the mind. So the beat preserves the mind. He says, look it as a monkey. It really doesn't want to be disciplined, it wants to its own thing. And so as you go forward, you want to try losing weights, focus, whatever it happens to be. He says, imagine that you're in a battle. And you got the opposing general is always looking over your shoulder, every everything every time make a battle plan, the opposing general can see it before even implement it before you miss the floor. So that's what your mind does. It doesn't get some it's a willful child who knows that you plan to do to defeat it. And so that's a tricky thing to overcome. But yet he has some some tools to do that, which are really amazing.

Kenisha Mei: 38:46

Sounds like another book? I haven't a call list. Yeah, well,

Mark Laurie: 38:49

actually, he has a course his courses cool Hill. It's like, Okay, you go and he'll talk about something that's on video and stuff. And then he'll do it for a week for five minutes a day. And then we'll come back and we'll do the next thing. So it's a very, it's, it's you work with it, rather than have to read this whole book and then do stuff. It's like, okay, let's do the simple thing. Yeah. And it's really, it's really kind of kind of fascinating that way. How do you define success? What's success for you? I think it's not like it's changed. So initially, it was money. Yeah, no, no, it's hope. So if you look at yourself, okay, I'm successful today. What does that mean? What does that mirror look like?

Kenisha Mei: 39:30

It's funny that you're asking that question. Because I was assessed that maybe a couple of weeks ago, I'm a member. And I realized that that time because I'm that go big or go home, right? Success for me is like we need we need this and we need that. And then he's like, Well, what happens if that doesn't happen? You know, and he's like, you're what you're what do you have right now is like what you have right now, is it successful? And I was like, Oh, absolutely. Yeah, it is. It's working. You know? People are coming in and they're feeling loved and supported. And they're joining a community. And it's an Yeah, that's what I've heard successes to me is just oh my gosh, I don't know how to explain it, because I'm just, I'm just seeing it right now. But I feel like I'm already successful, because I believe in that the decisions that I'm making are are working, and it's flowing. And so that's successful.

Mark Laurie: 40:34

And it's pretty powerful. Yeah, it makes sense. Do you see success rather than an end? Point, success is a continual progress progression. Is that correct?

Kenisha Mei: 40:44

Yes, I think so. Yeah, I'd have to think more on that was before it was like it had to be tangible that now I'm again, I'm very confused person right now. And I'm just like, I'm just leaving everything out in the open.

Mark Laurie: 40:57

It sounds like you're going through a transition from Okay, so monetary, physical things would, would determine my value and would determine my success because I got more of these than you do. Therefore, I'm better than you. Yeah, that that can remind that you got more is better than the person that doesn't has less than one point, I cannot be in your awareness state now. But at one point,

Kenisha Mei: 41:17

like from the things that I had like that, you know, whether it be the house or the car, or the boat, or whatever that may be and I know the friends and whatnot, but then like then you lose everything. And then it's like, yeah, what is success so for me to be able to, you know, be providing for my kids right now on my own, like, that's a success, like to be able to stand behind my values and and still be able to be making it like that's a success. Like, you know, like there's just everyday there's little little everything to me is a success for me even to be alive. Thank you. No. I'm just crazy person.

Mark Laurie: 41:55

Yes, I'm awake. I'm alive. Today is a sick is gonna be a successful though.

Kenisha Mei: 42:00

And I think if people will get more into that mindset, like yeah, you just start to wake up happy, like, you know,

Mark Laurie: 42:06

it's a choice, isn't it? Like, it isn't anything that I think one of the guidelines, I love quotes, and I've got them all over the place in my mind is that you you choose, the situation happens and you can't control the situations that arrive. house falls on top of you, you are glad that to happen to fall away to the door kind of thing. But you do get to choose how you can react to it, which boils down to am I gonna be happy or sad today? Now

Kenisha Mei: 42:34

that situation doesn't define who you are. Yes, you have to decide.

Mark Laurie: 42:38

What you do next defines who you are. And so the one of the ones that guy was telling me how many muscles it takes to smile like things like 10 and it takes 155 to frown. It's a lot of work to frown. Yeah, we got a lot of work. Yeah, well, I'm

Kenisha Mei: 42:53

trying to I don't want to get any more Botox. It's trying to uplift my hates myself.

Mark Laurie: 42:59

I photographed a girl who came you know, she came with Botox here. It just took a while. And I had no idea right? Yeah, it's so she had to look at a mirror and physically adjust her mouth to smile. And then I would photograph her but she had no idea if she was still smiling. So I started to droop I'd have to tell her so she could go put back up again.

Kenisha Mei: 43:17

Oh my gosh. So many interesting stories.

Mark Laurie: 43:21

Have a lot to know I always leave with my photograph that's in outer space. Yes, I got photographs our space. So my clients go yeah, you're in a space adventure other people say now here's the space cadet. That kind of works. Do you think people understand you?

Kenisha Mei: 43:38

That they don't know? I don't even understand myself mark. No, but when you start

Mark Laurie: 43:42

to communicate yourself that you do get that because it tribe and you think there's people outside that are just kind of get you and do you care?

Kenisha Mei: 43:50

I don't care anymore. No, I used to. And I'm still I'm working on that too. But always just, you know, trying to adapt to appease everybody else, right? And now I'm like, I don't care. I'm just I am who I am love me for what I'm worth. And if that's doesn't work for you, that's okay. You're just I can find somebody that we're

Mark Laurie: 44:15

moving along. Time for that? The wrong conveyor belt, Wake of it as you go. Was it been really fascinating? It's been it's been a very interesting person, which, of course, is what I'm looking for. What do you do when people disagree with you?

Kenisha Mei: 44:37

I try to just explain sort of my reasoning. I'm more or less curious to know their reasoning, and it's, you know, becoming that way. Yeah, just trying to find understanding and before it would be, you know, not that it turned into an argument. I don't like confrontation. I've taken taken so many conflict resolution courses. I just cuz I'm that person that just runs away from that. But um, yeah, I just, if you if I, if we can't come to an agreement, then it's just, it is what it is. And as long as you're not projecting yourself onto me, you know what I mean? And it's like, I just love everybody. I mean, as long as you're not hurting, or, you know, we can have different values and different opinions and we can still get along, right? You can still respect one another, and I don't even remember your question.

Mark Laurie: 45:31

Okay, so you have the skill of avoidance down to a site. Like that, like I think somebody asked one time they asked a question, I guess he never asked him a question. He asked a stupid question. And I thought my question the I thought the question I was asking was better so. So I can see being a politician in your futures. to politics, actually, politics at its core, I think is, is leading and convincing people and listening to people to politician is, that's one of the things I think is missing a lot of ways is that the ability to understand another person's position and say, Well, okay, well, you know, the whole phrase, well, I guess we disagree, disagree. I think we agree to disagree. I think that's how you should be able to set aside so Okay, so where it come from, how did you arrive that opinion? Like what's, what's kind of backing it up? You can walk away saying, Well, you my job wasn't to convince you that you're wrong. But my job was kind of find out from our discourse, but especially sit down in the states where there's there's no middle ground, like either with us here again, this kind of thing. Yeah. And that's pretty kind of kind of a scary type of deal. Yeah.

Kenisha Mei: 46:43

And I've never been that person either. Like some people it's like my way or the highway, and I just, I don't, I don't operate like that. So it's just I just want to understand like I just what's going on in your head that's different from my head. And that's why I just love meeting all these new people, because everybody has so many different you know, things to offer. It brings

Mark Laurie: 47:04

unique flavors to the conversation and the perspectives. And I think the more perspectives a person is engaged with, the more tolerant they become, because they start to understand the perspectives and the value behind some of them kind of get into it. Absolutely. Yeah, I can't believe our time is pretty much up actually kind of overtime, but that's okay. The tribe she talks about will have that in the notes or community that if you want to kind of get into along with any links to her website, so the ways you can reach out and and poke her and see if she doesn't need compassion in that process. If we get a chance to photograph her and her kids, you'll have to see them they're the most darling creatures you've ever seen. They are precocious. And I think they are gonna probably change the world in some way because they are that's why we've been speaking to Kenisha may it's me I think as I recall correctly

Kenisha Mei: 47:56

me i at some Chinese are beautiful

Mark Laurie: 47:59

Chinese for beautiful Chinese name now. Oh, sweet. I a little bit of a side years ago I was take dad's out in the newspaper right and so the salesman came to us and he said you want to advertise in Chinese times? We'll do a free conversion for you like you won't have to reply. That's great. Because not thinking this through. So I said yeah, so that's a good one to do next is yeah, no one's marking so I had this full page ad because he was an expensive and he he had a whole offer in Chinese look really cool. And arrived to my hands and two things dawned on me at that point the first thing was I have no idea what it actually says the stupid white guy we're taking his money feel good about I've no idea what it says. The second thing was if they can't read English then I'll have to have an interpreter I do their Photoshop was kind of hoping the phone ring and what happens if it does. So that was I'm sorry. Yeah, it's it was weak sort of diversity on there. But anyways, you'll be able to find all about her in her bio and connections to her. It's been great. This is for having both. It's been such a delight. I mark Laurie with inner spirit photography. And today of course with fascinating women. If you're looking to discover yourself, take a look at her stuff in her spirit. photo.com We have a way to get into your soul and put it on film. Actually, it says my age on digital material. So glad to hear today and we will talk soon. Sounds good Mark. Thank you.

Exit speaker: 49:35

This has been fascinating women with Mark Laurie. Join us on our website and subscribe at fascinating women does he a fascinating women has been sponsored by inner spirit photography of Calgary, Alberta and is produced in Calgary by Lee of us and my office media