Carol Pederson - pain management- surviving cancer- being positive

introduction: 0:07

You're listening to fascinating women with Mark Laurie. And now, Mark Laurie.

Mark Laurie: 0:14

Hello, and welcome to mastering your limits. I'm Mark Laurie, your host, I'm usually photographing behind my camera with these wonderful wet ladies. But today we are doing an interview with Carol. And it's gonna be really, really neat. So I like to introduce Carol.

Carol Pederson: 0:31

Hi, I'm Carol.

Mark Laurie: 0:37

So Carol is taken a long time to get here in terms of the way her life has gotten to that when the spring chickens we've had in some times, but this is kind of a cool thing. You got more more history behind you.

Carol Pederson: 0:47

That's true.

Mark Laurie: 0:48

So would you grew up in the Calgary area where you come from?

Carol Pederson: 0:51

I was born and raised in Calgary in Acadia, I grew up actually

Mark Laurie: 0:55

really right close to me. Yeah. It's kind of wild. So what kind of things shaped you back your childhood for the challenges you faced these last couple years,

Carol Pederson: 1:06

I grew up in a very toxic dysfunctional home. I had to be the strong one in the house. I was born that way strong. So those things taught me I self soothe a lot. I would use dance and music to escape. And I was only one of the I have four siblings, and I was the only one that would stand up. And my dad was abusing my mum, I would at three I'd found on his legs leave my mommy alone. And he did right. So that little strong child was always there. So, Yeah.

Mark Laurie: 1:40

So it got reinforced when he stopped and did what you told him to do.

Carol Pederson: 1:43

Yeah, And I asked him many years later, why didn't you ever strike me? He never hit me hit everybody else but me. So because she looked me in the eye and he stood up to me. Okay, that that word. But that strength was always there. I was always that strong little girl. Yeah, that that's what shaped me, I think and then when life got rougher as I got older, then I could tap into that.

Mark Laurie: 2:08

So do you think circumstances made you strong and forceful or that was just your nature?

Carol Pederson: 2:14

I think it's my nature. But also, when somebody says no, then I'm like, Sure. And my dad said that a lot. No, you can't do this. You can't listen to music. I mean, I've hide in the closet to listen to music. I was that determined to be who I was. Right. So I think that really did shape me as to who I am. Those those challenges made me stronger. It just ticked me off really is what it did. It brought that fire out, I guess. Yeah.

Mark Laurie: 2:44

That's your fear. So when even back in the childhood days,

Carol Pederson: 2:47

Yeah, when I was little Yeah. My mom says I'm just like my grandmother, who I barely knew that she had that strength to kind of courage, so yeah.

Mark Laurie: 2:57

Did you do any research on your grandmother? Once your mother starts? Well,

Carol Pederson: 3:00

yeah, I met her briefly. When I was little, I was two when the first time I met her, they came to Canada for a visit. And I don't really remember. And then when I was 14, we got to go and visit her and she had ovarian cancer like I had. But she didn't believe in getting surgery or so she just wanted to go naturally. So I met her and we I mean, we couldn't communicate. But we communicated in a different way. And I saw that strength in her and admired it. And I was only 14 So I hadn't gotten sick yet. So I was baffled by this woman. She'd be sitting there talking to you. And she was in so much pain. She wouldn't say a word. Strength. So then I tapped into that when that happened to me. I thought of her. So I didn't know her well, but, um, so much like her. It's kind of Uncanny in a way. Right. And that's great that she lives on me. I'm proud of that.

Mark Laurie: 3:55

Now, you said you couldn't communicate where where was she from? Where's your heritage? Denmark,

Carol Pederson: 3:59

Denmark, Denmark. Yeah, so we didn't learn Danish at home because my eldest sister, she did when she came from Denmark with my parents. And she went to school, she couldn't speak English. So they sent her home and said you can't speak Danish at home. So we never learned that language. Right? You know the basics. And of course, kids learn to swear words first. Always what happens? But no, we communicated emotionally in an emotional level. And it was okay. My mom would translate. Right. But it's it's not the same as a conversation. Yeah, right. But no, but we communicated in our own way, I think. Yeah.

Mark Laurie: 4:38

How long were you there with her?

Carol Pederson: 4:40

We were there for three weeks. It was just me, my mom and one of my sisters. And that was a wonderful trip. I was only 14 and I had started getting health issues then. So I guess it was kind of fate. I was supposed to meet her and talk to her and learn about her strength and who she was.

Mark Laurie: 4:57

So was that A turning point for you. Up until then you're like a normal 40 year old is what you're suggesting?

Carol Pederson: 5:05

Well, no, I was always sort of a different person I went didn't really fit in, and I didn't even feel normal or whatever, because I'm one of those people that feels energies. And I could see spirit. And I thought it must be crazy or something. And it wasn't embraced in my household. It was I was punished when I used it. So those things kind of were a bit traumatic in a way. And later on in life, I could draw on that, that, you know, I survived that I'm stronger than that I can do it. That's just my nature. I think it is.

Mark Laurie: 5:39

Your hallmark, now is there anything over the years, besides the image of your grandmother, was there any like slogans or phrases that that kind of hung on to her songs?

Carol Pederson: 5:51

Well, my favorite song growing up was Raindrops Keep falling on my head. And I would sit on the swing as a little girl and swing and sing that song. And that helped me get through a lot. And the one thing is real my illness and everything. Never give up. I always said that to myself. You cannot give up get up. You got to go to the bathroom and you can't you crawl to go do it. It was that I want life. I have to live I can't. There's another one that I've always used that shit or get off the pot. So either do it or don't. That's the one I use the most, come on people. Yeah,

Mark Laurie: 6:27

when now when did you get sick? When did cancer hit you?

Carol Pederson: 6:30

When I was 20? I was very young as ovarian and I wasn't believed. So it was Left to Fester. Right. So I was left till I was 23. Wow. By that time I was 80 pounds. I was dying. And I was living in Grand Prairie with a man who was supposed to marry me. But then I got sick. And he said, and because he grew up in that toxicity. That's all I knew. So he started beating me up because I got sick. Lots of good solution. Yeah, great. Hey, so I got the courage. And I laughed because I grew up seeing that, right? I thought this was normal, but it's not. And I went to my mom's doctor and he said, We gotta get you for surgery or you're not going to be here. So because it was left so long than my organs had grown together, really. So instead of a 20 minute hysterectomy, it was three hours. Wow. Yeah. So then because of that, there's neurological damage. There's scar tissue recurs and recurs in 12 more surgeries after that, to try and solve it. And it doesn't solve it makes it worse, right. So yeah, I was. I think it was hard because I was so young. And I wanted to be a dancer and I was a dancer and a skater before I got sick. And that was really hard when I lost that. That crushed me. It broke me. It did. It was really hard,

Mark Laurie: 7:53

like losing that major dream.

Carol Pederson: 7:56

Well, yeah. And it was the way I escaped all that awfulness at home. Right? That was my strength. I could go the ice and just pound it out on the ice or pounded out on the dance floor, get rid of it. When that was gone, I didn't know what to do. I had no more outlet. I thought what am I going to do? You know? So

Mark Laurie: 8:13

What did you turn to?

Carol Pederson: 8:14

I turned to writing. And I became voracious about reading. Because I'm, that's me. I want to know how things work. And knowledge is power, I think. Yeah. So I turned to writing. And that was a real way to express what I was feeling inside because I was taught to bottle it. Just let it let it sit in there. It'll go away. No, it doesn't. It gets worse. And then you turn in this angry, nasty person. And that's what happened to me. So yeah, it's, I look back in those times in my life, and they were such dramatic, but at the same time, it shaped me into such a strong person. It's almost like I was being groomed for what happened to me. You know what I mean? In a way? Yeah, I mean, kind of sound silly but, but in a way it was like that gave me the stepping stone to be strong and survive what I went through and look at it in a positive way. But I was born positive I think is born very happy. Always happy and joyous no matter what. Yeah,

Mark Laurie: 9:15

I can't imagine you going you just you're this bountiful person when you when you when somebody meets you there's a whole energy about you. It's really sweet. So it's hard to imagine unit and a dark time.

Carol Pederson: 9:27

Yeah, those dark times. But those are the times that built me. I think I was in a dark hole. I called it because being that sick, no one would listen anymore. And here's some here's some morphine, go home and just shut up. Go away. 20 years of that, and it was a valence life is gone. It's in existence. It's terrible to live that way. So yeah, just thinking about that it's but those are the times that built me those dark holes because I had to climb I had to fight to get out. I could have given up and said, I'm done. I'm just gonna go die.

Mark Laurie: 10:06

So why do you think? Because there's, I mean, most of the population just does just gives in. Like, when people are faced with something that's so insurmountable the brain just goes, We're shutting down. Right? Why do you think that some people rise to the occasion and some people succumb?

Carol Pederson: 10:24

Boy, that's an interesting question. I think people tend to, they don't want to do the work. I've noticed that with chronic pain for my life, it's work every day, I have to fight after Jamal and Carol, you got it, you got a bad day still smile, keep going. And I don't think a lot of people want to do the work or it's, I don't know, I don't want to speak for anybody else. But I've seen it in my own family that just don't care. Oh, it's too much work. I don't want to, if it's, you know, what? Gifts, you're gonna get through that, and you know, how strong you're gonna be. And so I don't know, maybe it's just an individual thing. But I also think I was born with a different kind of strength than most people.

Mark Laurie: 11:09

So you kind of dig through it? Yeah. How could you convince somebody to rise up to struggle against something that it's overwhelming like that?

Carol Pederson: 11:21

Well, I think I had to go through that to get to here. If I didn't go through all that, that horror I saw on all those nights of pain and vomiting and hospital visits, I wouldn't understand compassion. I wouldn't understand what it's like to sit in that wheelchair and have no hope. And how much it hurts when people see you're invisible. It hurts so bad, it trikes. I mean, I've always loved fashion and do my makeup. And that's just me, right? I like to present myself in a certain way. And even on my medical Scooter, and bombing around with my makeup on and nice clothes in my high heels. That people were so cruel, so cruel, and so vicious and mean. And I thought, you know, just give me one day, be careful. So no, I think that I going through all that. And it's taught me so much. And it's been a gift in a way. I wouldn't be who I am. And I don't think that God put me through it for nothing. I think there's a purpose. And I'm seeing that now more and more. And even talking to people and how my energy helps people and affects people. That to me is such a blessing. It's all been worth it. It has really has. I'm getting a lot here. Okay, that's

Mark Laurie: 12:42

okay. That's okay. So your how long a period did you struggle with the cancer, and then you moved in, moved on successfully, or other things started happening as well?

Carol Pederson: 12:52

Well, I had surgery at 23. And cancer was gone. But then there was more surgery. So from 20. And then, when I was 50, I decided to do something because I was gonna die. Right, right. And I went to see a cannabis doctor and said, I can't live this way anymore. I'm dying, I can't feel I want to life. And I was starting to lose my hope. And that's something that I've never done. 30 years of that, it's like, wow, I don't know if I can do this anymore. So then I made the choice to go on CBD oil. And every time I took the morphine, I would vomit, like my body was saying you don't need this anymore. So I got off of it in a month and a half on my own. And, and I was so lucky that people said or doctors would say, oh, it's gonna take you two years. Oh, no, it's not No way. Come on. One week of my limbs going uncontrollable. It's at sleep. That's all I had. That's all the withdrawals I had. So it was real. So I think you know, it was kind of a blessing and a miracle in a way. That was

Mark Laurie: 14:01

you'd mentioned feeling invisible. So you had like 30 years of being invisible. That's how I felt. So one of the, I guess the hallmarks of being invisible when when you when you say you're invisible, what is that? What does that look like? Feel like?

Carol Pederson: 14:15

Yeah, what does it feel like? Well, it's very hard to describe it. It's a deep loneliness. Drive by or walk by because I would be with a cane and I had so much trouble until I got my scooter. And people would look at me and don't look at her. They'd look away or or be uncomfortable with how I looked, or they'd see a confidence that I shouldn't have because I was sick. And especially with, you know, the feelings of wanting to be with a man or having a future with a man and I walked by a man and he would go or you know, some bad reaction, right? And it made me feel like I wasn't there. I was so far From the world. That's how it made me feel I almost felt isolated because you're down here on the medical scooter. And everybody looks over your head.

Mark Laurie: 15:10

So your physical location.

Carol Pederson: 15:11

Yeah, that's part of it. That's part of it, I think. But I think the thing is people don't really know how to react when you're that way when you're that sick. I mean, I looked like death on wheels. I did. I was so sick, and so thin. And oh, it was horrible. And angry and grumpy because you're sick all the time. Right? Try and be sunny, but it's like, Oh, I know, alone today. But no, there are that 2% of people that are kind and authentic. And they're not cruel. But that cruelty isolated me, I think and made that me feeling like I was invisible. It did. It's not a nice feeling. It's horrible. It's lonely. It's dark. It is.

Mark Laurie: 15:57

So you got you moved out of that. Yeah, no, that was when you're 50. Yeah, that was 50 milestone.

Carol Pederson: 16:05

It was it was a big year. Yeah, it was a big year for me, turned 50. And I was I could go and not and I could walk. And then I went to a walking track. And I could jog. It's like, wow, this isn't I mean, I never thought I would even be here. So the miracle of that is just extraordinary. To me. It 50 years old was like, wow, it's a milestone as it is. But to have a miracle on top of it like that. It's incredible. Amazing. Yeah, 50 was a big big year for me. But see now 55 has been a big year too. Yeah. Because all with you. It's happened to me. And yeah, so

Mark Laurie: 16:45

I've had some amazing photoshoots with you.

Carol Pederson: 16:47

I know, right? It's been incredible. I believe I was led here. I do because I have a really strong faith. And I did pray for this. I prayed to be here and to meet you and I watched your work. And I was heard. And I was led here and I am led now very much. So I'm led to where I need to be or the people I need to meet. And I just let it flow. Okay, take me ready me to go? Do you work? Whatever you need, right? Because those people that were like me that breaks my heart when I see them. It hurts. It does.

Mark Laurie: 17:21

Do you go out of your way to find a bit to communicate to people who sort of sense being and feeling invisible?

Carol Pederson: 17:28

Yeah, I do. Yeah, it happened in mall actually not that long ago. I can see their pain. And I'll start talking. Hi, how are you today? Are you having you feeling good today? Having a good day? No, I'm having a rotten day. Well, I'm gonna sit over there and have a coffee want to sit and talk to me. And they just spew it. And I don't judge them. I just listen. And it changes their lives. And if I can do that, for people, that's amazing, you know, are out dancing on the weekends. And I usually dance for as usually circled and watch me right because I'm just kooky rookie out there. I don't care. I just go for it. And I'm joyous, and people see my joy. And people will come up to me I had this amazing night. My felt my energy was really strong that night. And one lady came up to me she danced beside me. She was crying. And I said to her what Did someone hurt you? Do you need help? That's My nature. I want to help you. No, no, can I just love you? What do you mean? Okay, I love you too. Are you okay? I thought maybe she was drunk her. She said no. Can I just dance with you said sure. The whole time. She cried. And I hugged her as we danced and held her hand on you. Okay. And at the end, she wiped her face. And she looked at me said, you know, thank you. For what? I've been holding, not heard of losing my child in my heart for 30 years. Oh, it gives me goosebumps talking about it. And I said really? 30 years that that long? She said yeah. And dancing with you and seeing you. You've released that for me. Thank you. That's like, wow, powerful. So if that's what I can bring to people, I'm more than willing, more than willing to do that. But you're right, I do seek them out. I do look for those that are hurting or people in wheelchairs that look so sad. And I'll go sit beside them and talk to them. I will. Because I know the feeling.

Mark Laurie: 19:25

So what could I guess this advice I'm looking for? Yes. For the average person who's never experienced that and doesn't know what to say or do How could they start seeing people?

Carol Pederson: 19:36

I think just when you walk by them, give them a smile. A simple smile or Hello, good afternoon. That's all it takes because you're not invisible. Oh, they saw me they smiled at me. Oh, I feel good. And that smile can carry them through a really dark time. That's I think just start with that. And eventually people will get more comfortable. And then they'll want to have a conversation or It's a lovely day to day, isn't it? Oh man that's raining or whatever. Anything to let them know they're alive and they're here and they matter. I think that's part of it. When you feel invisible, you don't feel like you matter anymore. I think that's part of it.

Mark Laurie: 20:15

Wow. No, I often ask the question of how people to find success now usually the people we're talking to you, they have accomplished great things in business. Okay. Your path has been a bit different. How do you define success?

Carol Pederson: 20:30

Wow, it's for me. I think success is just being here. And learning from all that I, I've been through it for me, success is all that I've been through, I can let it destroy me. Or let it redefine me. And I'm letting it redefine me. And I'm Success to me is letting go of all those fears and letting go of all that body image issue that I had. My body was kind of my enemy for so long. And now it's I can't let my body again I love Carolina, you know. So Success for me is those little things that I didn't have for so long. Success is getting up every morning and being able to walk for five miles or go dancing or meet a friend or sitting have a conversation. You know, those things are success to me. And helping others is a big part of that. For me it is.

Mark Laurie: 21:23

I've noticed in your social media every Friday night that your your party dance night,

Carol Pederson: 21:27

Friday and Saturday.

Mark Laurie: 21:30

You always post a photograph of what you're wearing. Where'd that come from?

Carol Pederson: 21:34

Well, because everybody says I dress not like anyone else. I dress like a lady. I like being a woman. I enjoy dressing I always have in all those years of being sick. I was in pajamas and sweats. Right? So I want to come in. Yeah. Here's Carol who she pins. So it would be you know, I missed you on Friday. What were you wearing Carol? So I get all these phone calls. So I said why don't I just post it? Yeah, that's a great idea. So I started posting both nights. stuff. I don't post I get a whole bunch of messages. Where were you doing? You go? Are you okay? Please post those pictures. And I have to send them one. Okay, this is what I wore. It's so funny. It's become sort of a joy for them right now. So it's like, I don't mind doing it. It's okay. I think it's funny though. It's kind of comical

Mark Laurie: 22:21

to try to wear different clothes every night, or do you do every cycling thing? Well,

Carol Pederson: 22:24

I tried to do something different every weekend. But I do mix different things together. Right? Nobody notices are all painted a different way? And they're like, Did you wear that last week? No, this is a different outfit. You know. So it brings people joy. Some people come there just to see what I'm wearing. I think that's so funny. They get a kick out of the

Mark Laurie: 22:50

besides the LS Zubin, what you classify as a failure life something that you had to learn from or struggle through,

Carol Pederson: 22:57

not being able to have children that tore me wide open. And that was very young. So that was a dream to have children. I love them.

Mark Laurie: 23:04

So going back to when you're 2020 2323. Three. Yeah, that's, that's a hard age to be told your future is going to be without a child when that when that you're in your heart to have

Carol Pederson: 23:14

that's something I really wanted. Yeah. How

Mark Laurie: 23:16

did you get through that? That's, that's a hard blow.

Carol Pederson: 23:19

I went to counseling to get through it and for my illness because I couldn't. It's a man I was with when I couldn't have the children as we started beating me up. Because then he taught me I was worthless, you're not a woman anymore, because you can't have a baby. And that messed me up for a long time. But then I went and got counseling, and I realized it's okay, you're a woman in other ways. You can nurture you can, you know, I could make the world's children, my children, whatever. But no, that that was the I think, when I got well, I finally let that go. My heart hurts a little. But it's not like it was. I had to let it go. It's I had to accept it. And I also look at it this way. God gave me other gifts. So that wasn't meant for me. But helping people or compassion or feeling people's energies or whatever God wants me to do. My gifts are that's great. You know?

Mark Laurie: 24:17

We've kind of the word we let it go quite often have you let something go? Like what? What's your process of like? I mean, you just can't wait couple of years.

Carol Pederson: 24:25

It is a process. How do you do that?

Mark Laurie: 24:27

How do you let something go?

Carol Pederson: 24:28

Well, I start with a thought. And I go on walks. And I call them gratitude walks. As I walk and thank you for me standing here and just the basic things. And then I look at my heart what's what's going on in there. And I attack that in my walks. And it helps you attack it. Attack it in a sense in my mind. Like I'll say it over and over in the walk like it's happened. So it's, yeah, it works. I don't know. I'll say to myself, Okay, tomorrow we're going Take this step, and we're going to, I'm going to think about why that still bothers me. And then when I go for my walk, I'm going to talk to God about it and say, Okay, how do I deal with this? How do I slowly let it go? So it's a step by step thing for me. Every day, it's kind of self talk in a way of saying, You know what, you can hang on to this forever. You want to get over here, and you still back there. How you going to get there if you're holding on to that. So with that situation that took a long time that took years, years and years, even releasing trauma that's taken a long time, but it's a process that is step by step, and never giving up once again, right. It's that built in tenacity, I think that I have that. I don't want to see anything hold me back. I know there's big things waiting. And if I'm hanging on to that, how can I get there? I can't.

Mark Laurie: 25:55

It takes space in your heart in your mind, right?

Carol Pederson: 25:57

I want to, I wanted to release it and say, Okay, now I can move forward. And it was very freeing. Definitely.

Mark Laurie: 26:04

did. Did you notice that one more like, oh, that's loads gone? Or was it sort of something that sort of gradually come up? And then you like, oh, it's been a while, I guess?

Carol Pederson: 26:13

They'll gradually come up? And what was me? It's always a big. Haha, like, I'll work really hard. And then poof, it's there. So for me, that's what happens. I'm working on it working on work, work, work. And then also Oh, that's gone. Yeah. And then it's gone. never comes back. So that's, it's part of the work part of the process, I think, yep.

Mark Laurie: 26:36

That'd be like your message to people. As you put in the work.

Carol Pederson: 26:39

You've got to work you've got to try every day, even if it's one little thing. I mean, there were days where I couldn't get out of bed. I was so mean, I was so sick. I was vomiting up my own feces at one time. And I had a cat and had that cat so that I would get my bed out of that bed, walk over there, clean that box, feed the cat, change the water and go back to bed and sleep the rest of the day. But that was the work. I had to do it. But it is it's work. You have to work at it

Mark Laurie: 27:10

has anyone give you some remarkable advice.

Carol Pederson: 27:15

No, not really. No, no. No, I've always been sort of that person that I've looked inwards. I haven't had a lot of support in my life. So no, I don't know. I haven't really seen that remarkable aha moment with anyone. No, I think that's coming. But it hasn't. It hasn't for me, you know,

Mark Laurie: 27:38

do you have any heroes or people that you model parts of your life around?

Carol Pederson: 27:43

My grandmother, she was so strong. I've never met anyone with a heart like that. I mean, she was involved in the war. And she was she they would come to her door. The Nazis would come to her door and she'd feed them. She wouldn't turn them away. Anyone would come to her door. And her strength. She is one of my heroes. Yeah, definitely. That strength. I think Marilyn Monroe is actually one of my heroes too, because she came from nothing. And she busted her butt to get where she was, you know, and we have this image of her that she's just bubblehead that had nothing going. But if you look at her career and what she achieved, she was an orphan and she built her life. She fought for it. Even through whatever she went through, or whatever issues were going on. She was still there. It's still present, still working. I admire that I admire people who are strong,

Mark Laurie: 28:41

and she didn't have to fight every everyday battle almost didn't she.

Carol Pederson: 28:45

And the one I think I admire the most is Michael J. Fox. He's one of my heroes. What that man has endured, like a tear up talking about he's such an inspiration to people. And he never gives up. And his first book I read is lucky man. And he looked at his illness with such joy and grace. I thought boy and I modeled myself after that as I you know, you can't whine complain liquid he's going through. So yeah, he he really. He has some courage that men and a lot of strength. I admire that.

Mark Laurie: 29:21

He's strong by very loving family. Yeah, for support. And you had your counselor but did you build a support group around you?

Carol Pederson: 29:31

Well, a counselor was about it. I was my support guy was my support. I didn't have that. Doctors were never a support. It was rare to find a good one. If I found a good one that would support me, he moved to the States or or changed his job or so I was pretty much my own sport, but I'm building that now. Now that I'm better and more aware of who I am and seeing me again, I'm building those people around me and It's a good feeling. It's nice it is.

Mark Laurie: 30:02

Do you ever criteria for the people who want

Carol Pederson: 30:04

They have to be authentic. Number one, I can't around you? stand BS. I don't need your nonsense I don't need your lies. I hate that. I hate that stuff.

Mark Laurie: 30:14

So what makes a person authentic? What is authenticity to you?

Carol Pederson: 30:17

Being real just showing me who you are don't put on airs. Don't pretend to be something you're not show me your flaws. It's okay men like you anyway. And joyful and happy and bring what I bring, you know, and don't judge me and I'm not going to judge you. So yeah, that's being authentic to me being real.

Mark Laurie: 30:40

Do you find people grow into being authentic? Or is that something that they just have mastered? Or is it something that they have

Carol Pederson: 30:46

I think they have to grow into to grow into it? You have to learn life's lessons and the hard knocks and those terrible things we go through as people you learn that I think yeah, it's not just given it's something again, we have to earn Yeah,

Mark Laurie: 31:01

I find as I get older, the phrases I tolerate fools last or suffer fools like right? Yes, it's you really, you certain ages that you hit and you suddenly realize that there's less ahead of you than behind you. And you really don't want to waste that much of a time. It's very true. I'm thinking yeah,

Carol Pederson: 31:20

I can relate to the being ill for so long. And now I got my life back. That's exactly how I feel. It's like, I don't want that in my life anymore. Even family I've removed all that toxicity. And that led me here freeing myself of that so yeah, we learn

Mark Laurie: 31:39

as we grew won't be a perfect day for you. You won't get like the day you sit back I could have every day like this well that day be like

Carol Pederson: 31:46

a perfect day. I'd have to be music involved. Probably someone playing music. Me by a river being mad because I used to fly fish right right. The river gives me energy. So me by the river just having a picnic listening to music, being in the water dancing on the dock whatever that's a perfect day to me out in nature. being at peace being joyful. Feeling the energy of God talking to God really that's what I call that's when I'm in nature I talked to God so yeah,

Mark Laurie: 32:19

so fly fishing. How did you with I'm just thinking these years of being ill and baby I'll move on to learn how to fly fish.

Carol Pederson: 32:24

I was three really learned Yeah, I

Mark Laurie: 32:28

got a very busy three year old like I was

Carol Pederson: 32:31

a little kid. I would complain to my dad because I had two brothers. Amanda two sisters Caroline right but I I just love the water and I wanted to be like the boys and I wanted to get in the dirt. And so at two I started bugging him you take me fishing you give me find me buy me a fly rod. So finally he let me get the fish right which I hated and it made me cry cuz to look inside and you know anything to kill. It was awful. So at three, he just bought me a rug said here learn to fish. So I went out there and I learned on my own. It was great. It was a it was meditation. In a way it was I was at peace. Because I could go to the river where we camped we'd be back by the river. Some of them would say you got to be where I can see with three right? I was a little so the dog would follow me in the cat and the three of us to go down stepbrother all day. Yeah, those are joyous times in my memory they are.

Mark Laurie: 33:29

Do you hang on to those memories, like as a place of warmth and strength?

Carol Pederson: 33:34

Well, when I have severe pain, I refuse opioids No. So that's where I go. I go to the river as my child self with my dog at that time, and we sit in the river and I weighed out the pain. I can go there and and then when my body's it's something triggered, I don't know, I can't explain it. But it's a place I go, I can't handle it. So I leave for a while. And then when things are manageable, I come back and I feel at peace and I feel calm. But that is something I learned recently two drugs aren't going to solve it. I've got to solve it. So if I can go in and go to that place and be so at peace and so at home, that works. And it's better than drugs. I think the side effects are terrible. Yeah, it's much better than that. But that's a place I go to a lot. Even if I'm stressed. I go there. Go to the river and hang out put my feet in there double my feet. It brings me back to that joyous little girl. That's that she's out. No, she's not hiding in there anymore. It's good. It's a positive.

Mark Laurie: 34:42

Where do you think your paths going to take you?

Carol Pederson: 34:45

My path? I know I'm going to help people. Definitely with chronic pain. That's something I really want to do. I want to help those that were like me in that darkness. You know I mean trying to read book. It's I'm working on it. And I hope that can reach people and help people and show them that you can get through it. And there are people out that they care and you're not invisible, you're alive and you're here. I don't know, I hope it'll lead me to more dance in some way on my body is able to do that. I like to take flamenco classes actually, just for fun. Ya know, I'm kind of not really having a big plan. It's sort of a short term plan for now just see I'm letting it flow, see how it goes. I don't want to plan too much, because that's when things kind of go upside down. For me, it's just really similar to go see what happens.

Mark Laurie: 35:40

So it's more like your plans more along the lines of intention? Right? Exactly. Yeah. Countries, you want to go to the country you want to go to and out of physical place, but sort of like this is my vision of what's

Carol Pederson: 35:51

Yeah, I mean, I hope eventually to a chronic pain clinic. That's what I'd like to have. To help people without opioids teach them the mental tricks, how to it's not tricks, I guess the mental whatever you call it, going within yourself to manage your pain, giving give that person the control back over their life. Because for me with pain and doctors, I had no control. They control my life. No, I control it. And I want to teach people that. I want to help them because I think that can be so helpful to people. I can't stand seeing suffering when it's needless. You know, there is hope there's help. Yeah.

Mark Laurie: 36:40

So that'd be your biggest dream then to be as a, I guess, a fountain of support

Carol Pederson: 36:46

for people yet, because I didn't have that. And I didn't feel anybody understood. mean doctors, they understand to a degree, but you're the disease. You're not a human being anymore. That's how I felt. So I thought, No, I have to take that back for me.

Mark Laurie: 37:03

So you felt you were simply disease at one point? Yeah. And so your personality and your sense of

Carol Pederson: 37:09

of me was gone. I was just surviving. Carol wasn't there. She was gone in that dark hole, climbing and screaming help me get out. But nobody came. So I had to get me out. And God was always there. Giving me strengths and but that was the answer. You have to do yourself. You've got to fight. Come on. If you want this, get it. So when I hear that, it's like, okay, that's my nature, like, Okay, let's go. You say no. Okay, I'm coming, Bobby back.

Mark Laurie: 37:42

So what are you curious about right now? What captures your attention?

Carol Pederson: 37:45

captures my attention? Life, everything nature, especially? art, dance. I miss dance a lot. So yeah, those things and people are very interesting to me now, which they never were. I was never really, you know, like people, but I never really wanted to sit down and say, Hi, how are you? And you know, people's stories interests me now. I want to know how they're getting through it. And if they need help, or how did you do that? Or, you know, so those are the things that interests me now, I think collector of stories. Yeah, I want to tell people's stories, too. That would be good, right? I think so. Because people are silenced a lot. I think they silenced themselves. And they don't want to stand up. They're afraid or whatever the reasons are. So I could be that voice to. I would like to do that and help people that way to be very powerful. It would give them a voice when they didn't have one. Wow, I know what that's like. Yeah. Changes. You changed me as a person totally.

Mark Laurie: 38:55

How there's a transition point where you went from being the disease to Carol. What was that transition point? Like?

Carol Pederson: 39:07

It was dark. It was hard. That's the point where I almost gave up. And that's not my nature. I don't give up. So that to transition from I think, what helped me do that was a near death experience. I died. Two minutes. And I I call it going home to visit God, whatever you want to call it. But it was an amazing, incredible experience that changed me. So when I came back from that, I realized because I chose to come back, because God gave me the question, gee, if you want to go back, you can't if you don't, that's okay. I said, Are you kidding? I'm going I got lots of work to do, and I'm not done. So when I had that experience, that's when things changed. And I kind of woke up went, Hey, I'm still me. And then I read Christopher Reeves books still me. And he says that through the whole book, whatever he went through was horrible. You know, being handicapped when you're able bodied and all those things, and I could relate to that. So that made me realize that I was still me, Carol still here. And if God says I'm okay to come back, she's here go Carol, right.

Mark Laurie: 40:23

Just for our listeners who are maybe too young Christopher Reeve Superman, and he had a horse accident, his neck and he lost his life in a wheelchair. And so he he kind of still contributed from that position in life.

Carol Pederson: 40:35

Yeah, that's right. He did very much. So yeah, that book changed my thinking it did. Because I could relate to that, how it felt to lose everything and to be so dependent on everybody else. And yeah, that's hard. It was hard, but it changed me. So I realized, hey, Carol, still here. That's good.

Mark Laurie: 40:54

Thank you. You're reading the book on how to deal with pain? Yes, you speaking as well on that? Which stages you had?

Carol Pederson: 41:03

Well, I haven't got to that one yet. I'm still in the first one trying to tell my story. But I was a little bit stuck. But you've given me a lot of advice on that. And that's helping so. So yeah, that that. Most people I talked to you both. So why don't you write that one first. But to me, I need the story first, for me. Right? And to release that and let it go. And yeah, yeah, the chronic pain book, who I think I've even talked to my counselor about it. And he said, we need that. We need this to teach people how that strength within you. You have the power, not a pill, not the doctor, you have the power to change. So yeah, that that's a big dream of mine. And I'm going to make it come true now because I felt like this was a stepping stone to all those things that are coming.

Mark Laurie: 41:53

Yeah, that's powerful. Thank you so much for your time today.

Carol Pederson: 41:56

Oh, thank you, Mark. It was great. Had a good conversation with you as always. A nice visit.

Mark Laurie: 42:02

Thank you so much. We'll put it was okay. People contact you through Facebook pages share them. So in the in the bio section, you can find some links to Carol in the bio section will have a bio section that they'll put into it and there'll be a link right to you. That's good. So thank you for your time today.

Exit speaker: 42:24

This has been fascinating women with Mark Laurie. Join us on our website and subscribe at fascinating women dossier fascinating women has been sponsored by inner spirit photography of Calgary, Alberta and is produced in Calgary by Leigh Ellis and my office media.