Adriana Van der Merwe - Trauma Coach - Dog groomer- Chef - inspiration

introduction: 0:07

You're listening to fascinating women with Mark Laurie. And now, Mark Laurie.

Mark Laurie: 0:14

Hello, everyone, it's Mark Laurie here from fascinating women. I've got a really cool firecracker for you today. She's this tiny little package. Huge, ambitious, huge energy. And she's kind of amazing. Her name is Adriana. I'm gonna have her give you the last name. She has a diverse background, she has done a chef work, dog grooming. She's a grown man to become a personal coach. There's a whole bunch of stuff she's done. And we're gonna look at the path that got her there. Welcome, Adriana.

Adriana Van Der Merwe: 0:42

Thank you. Thank you so much for having me here. It's absolutely honor and a pleasure to be here. My name is Adriana founder mervi. And yeah, let's let's get

Mark Laurie: 0:54

into it. Well, let's start with your heritage because you got a Dutch name and your Romanian

Adriana Van Der Merwe: 0:59

Yes, that's actually my my ex husband. Name. He's from South Africa. And after, after we divorce we I decided to keep the name because it was too much hassle to not to go over and change it. So I'm like, it's just the name, I don't care about it. And he was fine. So it just gives me more flavor to my own

Mark Laurie: 1:20

story like, it's very simple a candy coming up and go, I will and divorced they go, here you go. But tell us the process to get a divorce in Romania like,

Adriana Van Der Merwe: 1:28

it's way like That's why I didn't choose to not divorce in Romania because you have to I literally had to bring my ex husband into Romania, fly him into Romania, we will have to go to like the capital of Romania to Bucharest to like the Minister of External business something something and then he has to sign some papers and then we need to go back to my city. And then from that, we have to go to the court and actually apply for divorce in Romania, which is gonna cost too much money, too much time and too much headache. So there's not worth it. And I told him, I hope you never gonna want to marry with a Romanian woman again, because

Mark Laurie: 2:06

that's kind of well, so you grew up in Romania, and then you came to Canada?

Adriana Van Der Merwe: 2:09

No, I actually I grew up in Romania, born and raised in the 80s, and my 80s 90s and the communist period, so harsh times. And then I did grow up to the high school and everything got into university veterinary medicine was my dream to become a vet. And then things happened. My parents divorced, my mom was struggling financially couldn't help me financially. I couldn't just work because I had so much to study. So after 40 years of university, I decided to go to Florida to state to work for a year and then come back and then finish on my last two years. But universe and God, whoever you want to call it to decide I had different plans for me, right. So I actually ended up staying in states for a couple of years. And afterwards, I want the country to adopt me. And I had some friends in Canada. And as they come to Canada, it's a great country and they have winter, which I miss. I know sounds crazy by Miss winter because I grew up in Romania with winter. And we decided with my husband back then we decided to come together to Canada. We lived in Kelowna for a couple of years BC and then we move to Calgary. We lived in Calgary for a couple of years. And then things didn't work out for a while between us and he came a point for me that enough. It's enough, things cannot work and I change so I had to end it. And then he moved back to Kelowna. He has a lot of South African friends and I moved to Edmonton to try to start my life over again I don't know how many times

Mark Laurie: 3:41

so how do you feel it's the communist life that you lead with me your child shaped your world how you see things

Adriana Van Der Merwe: 3:50

absolutely tremendously you know, when you when you grow up in a in a communist times in a very like a patriarchal indoctrination, where men is about woman woman has to have the you know, the role of a has a wife setting and listen of the husband, don't do much. You know, like don't have a penis and don't have a voice. You keep your mouth shut, say there cook clean, do your woman thing and that's about it. And I grew up in that culture thinking that's the normal. That was my normal my reality. I didn't know above that, because I was into a bubble. And of course that shapes you because when you become an adult and you get you know get into your relationships, your Your Brain Rules towards your path, you your blueprint, that's your blueprint, and that was my blueprint, to be a good gold to listen to be submissive obedience and all of that. And of course, it's not working because some people would actually going to take advantage of that. I didn't have boundaries. Everything was about the other person, not about me. I didn't know who I was. I will lead myself to be abuse coming from abusive childhood having a alcoholic father, very verbally, physically mentally emotionally abusive, you think that you're normal, you don't know that can be better or that's not the normal. So when you grow up with that, and then you get out of the environment and you move yourself in a different environments, different cultures, different mindsets, you might wander in you're like, is this people are weird or I'm the weird one is these people are normal, or I wasn't gonna up the right way. And then you start wandering in question, so I started questioning myself, like if this is okay, and then and then after a divorce, which broke me because I grew up in the, you know, in the culture where you married forever, and you don't divorce because divorce is shameful, God forbid to divorce and once you divorced, single woman, you're like garbage, you're like, nobody cares. Nobody wants you anymore. Like you used they call the EUR USD, because you're not a virgin and all those were handled nation

Mark Laurie: 6:00

economies country when you're a divorced woman or not. That's the

Adriana Van Der Merwe: 6:05

thing. Not too many people woman divorce, they don't dare to divorce, because what are they gonna go? Every single person is gonna laugh at you. So I know a lot of including my mom, a lot, a lot of people that they stay in marriages that they never been happy, they slept in separate rooms, or she's, you know, continue to be the submissive woman for the rest of her life. Some woman die like that, you know, they get get old and they die like that. And they stay being abused and beaten every single day without saying a word. But we all knew this. I grew up in exactly the same family. So I knew that. But we grew up saying that the dirty laundry is washed in your house, you don't speak this stuff with other people. So everybody was keeping their own secrets. But just lately things are start opening up and woman's allowed themselves more and more to have the courage to speak about what happened in their past and understand why they are who they are now, and try to change that. And that's what I do now.

Mark Laurie: 7:08

So you had you mentioned some stuff like stories like going to school and having to get certain grades up. How how did that shape you like what you had to face?

Adriana Van Der Merwe: 7:19

Oh, yes. He throws for me in perfectionist. Like if nothing is like is everything is not aligned, perfect. Bit of OCD home, everything has to be perfect in the right places and stuff. Or like if, say if I do a speech, I prepare for speech, I think I rehearse like freaking 20 3050 times. And I still feel like it's not good enough. Because I grew up in that environment. My dad used to be very particular about how things are done in the house. Were you I was 10 years old. So they had to cook clean, do like iron everything, which I hate ironing. Now you wonder why. So I had to do so many things in that time, because I grew up with certain ways of doing things, which they affect me and my future. And now being an ad or being single being doing the things living on myself, I still catch myself sometimes that I'm like, I cannot go to sleep until I don't do this. I cannot do this until like you know, and then I catch myself now I became the observer. And I said Adriana, hold the second, take a breath. And why are you doing that? Who which part of you is doing that? Which part of you saying that you're not good enough. And I realized that there's those parts of me that the five year old of me, the six year old, the 20, the 50 and all those parts of me that they're still present in me. I just have to learn how to speak with them differently and explain them that it's okay, you're safe. There's nobody there to beat you. And to choir from you that you have to be perfect. So definitely shapes you a lot. Everything that happened in our childhood. It's a reflection of who we are today. Yeah, it's a

Mark Laurie: 9:01

framework we work with. So you're a woman working towards imperfection.

Adriana Van Der Merwe: 9:04

I said that I'm perfectly my own imperfections.

Mark Laurie: 9:08

That's a very good phrase. I love that. That is really sweet. Do you have any any heroes that you use? Go back and want to emulate that person? That woman? That goal?

Adriana Van Der Merwe: 9:17

Not Not that much. She's I had I had this question a couple of times, and I keep thinking of it. I had a couple of because in the communist period, I didn't have a TV until later when I was like 1012 or 13. We had the first TV. We didn't

Mark Laurie: 9:32

have that be but would be this

Adriana Van Der Merwe: 9:35

one. So we were like, like 90s 990 9590 Something like that. Close. Sorry, starting going close to the 2000s. Yeah, and we start having I know my grandma grandparents, they have a TV white and black and I used to go at them and then watch sometimes we didn't have cartoons you know for kids just once a week on the beginning. Unlike for half an hour, so I didn't have a lot of exposure to outside world, the only thing was just my parents and I, my parents, I emulate them because that's all I see, you know people around in the neighborhood. But later on when I started growing, I started, you know, reading about because I always been a curious mind about everything. Like I always question everything I drive my parents crazy with question, why is this? Why is this happening? Why the trees is growing this way? Not this way. You like crazy things, crazy questions. And they never got answers. But once I started getting become an adult and get out of the environment, I started reading books, I started listening things. And that's when I slowly started finding my own heroes. Like one of my favorite is like my, my heart code is from Wayne Dion, which is one of my favorite favorite authors. He is no longer with us, but he's always like me in my spirit. And I will. I know sounds crazy. But I always talk with him when I need some questions or when I when I wonder pounder in some situations. And then he says that when you when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at changes. That's a powerful insight. Oh, for like, if you have if you ever saw the movie, the shift is one, I highly recommend that it's like open up everything about how you see this world, about how you see yourself about everything. And another one that I read a lot now, which is kind of in my niche of our traumas, because that's what I'm doing now coaching and working in coaching myself, first of all, and then helping other women and men as well into healing of their own traumas. It's Dr. Mathur, Matic Gabor, and his site, incredible psychologists and doctor in Vancouver, and he has a huge, huge background into teaching people how to heal off their traumas. And he's done a lot of research, not necessarily in the spiritual side, but more into the physical side, he's proving a lot of the diseases and the things that happened into your body. They are actually correlated with trauma from your past this like proven? Yeah, so it's super super. And I think that he says that trauma is not what happened to you, traumas were happening inside of you and how you perceive it. And that helped me tremendously to see everything that happened in my life. From a different perspective. Now, it's all about perspective, because we grew up looking at life in a certain way. And when we change the perspective of how we see things, everything changes in your life, and I'm approve of that.

Mark Laurie: 12:48

That big change. So how old were you when you left Romania?

Adriana Van Der Merwe: 12:52

22 I think 2323. And

Mark Laurie: 12:55

that's when you went in to be a chef,

Adriana Van Der Merwe: 12:57

I think was yes, yes. Yes, that's when laughter 40 years of university, I was kind of struggling financially. And my mom was, you know, struggling to to help me that way. So I decided to go I have some friends in states that work as chefs. So I talk with the people like the administration for my university and say, financially wise, if you have a lot of problems, you can freeze this call you freeze a year. So I went for one year, and then you have to come back to finish that the two years. You that's what you allow one year, if you not coming back, you lose the four years. You know, they say God, the universe has a different plan for me. So I decided to go to Florida, I work six months, they give you a visa for six months. I work for six months, and I send money home and try to save some money be in the first year you don't they don't pay you a lot. They pay like $80 per hour. So it was a lot of money. And then I had some people there that actually promised me I'm going to help me to stay there. And I decide to stay and I of course I lost everything else. And the people change their mind. And I never was able to to help me they change their mind. So then I was no point for me to go back home in Romania. So I had to make it work. And that's when I met my husband. He's was from South Africa. I was from Romania, and none of us want to go to their countries. So we decided to with some other friends decide to go to Canada and that's how I ended up to Canada.

Mark Laurie: 14:27

And how are you enjoying Canada?

Adriana Van Der Merwe: 14:30

It's my home. It's been 12 . . . 12 years now. I've been 12 years has been in Canada, of course I feel like this is my home now. But in the same time my in the last couple of years, I hit couple of wrong patterns through my divorce and other things that happened in my life, a lot of health issues. And that's all the rock patterns. I learned to embrace them because I know when I hit rock bottom, something good is about to happen.

Mark Laurie: 14:56

That's a cool perspective. I've noticed now you shows the people that went through our photo session that we did the other day that your optimism and your energy is is really unique. And that's a sort of a attracted find the cortex. And we've had a lot of sort of bumps in the roads, what what would be the the talent or your, your personal strength that got you through some of those really hard moments?

Adriana Van Der Merwe: 15:19

First, and the biggest one is, that is my one of my core values is honesty, honesty with yourself, recognize where you are, if you are in the shed recognize it, you know, if you struggle, recognize your struggle, stop being Almighty and show that No, I don't need help. I'm good. I'm doing. I'm talking about me now. You know, that's why I was like, I don't need nobody help, I can do it by myself. I can go through my traumas, I can go through my depression, I can go through my anxiety, I'm fine. And yes, you can. I'm not saying you cannot, but take longer time. And then, you know, I always believed this, that your higher power, whatever, I don't care how you call it is going to hit you until you wake up and is going to tell you okay, how can you? How can you understand what I'm trying to tell you, you don't get it. So it keeps hitting you. So I got hit a lot of times, and I have to become very honest with myself for what I am asked for help because I can do everything by myself. And, and trust that this part is taking me for a reason to this place. And sometimes another thing I think I like I learned to do is choose again, if starting with thoughts, I have bad thoughts, because we all have about myself or about life or about people, I stopped, I become an observer of my own thoughts. And I said, this store doesn't suit me in this moment. Choose again, so I choose another choice. Another thought. And another thing is I think be be curious. I think this is a huge thing that helped me tremendously, is to become curious. I was a curious child, all my like, when I was a child, I was so curious about everything. And curiosity comes with a beautiful innocence. And I lost that through all the mud and the dirt that happens from my life and everything. And then now that I'm coming back to my old self, and I'm recreating who I am and who I want to become, and I'm bringing the curiosity back into my life and into my heart. And I ask a lot of questions. Because I always say these questions are the answers, more questions you ask yourself and people around you more, quote, more answer you're gonna get in, it's gonna help you tremendously in finding discovering who you are what you want. doing what I'm doing now coaching and helping a lot of people, I realized that we all we all think that we are so different. But in the same time, we all have the same struggles, and the same pain and the same suffering, because we're not connected with us, because we don't know who we truly are. Like he told me what, 36 years to wake up and realize that I don't have a clue who I am and what I actually want. And I'll just slowly I'm discovering who I want, who I want to be, who is the person I want to emulate to be, which is not other people but me in the future that I'm looking forward to be. And kind of that's, that's my hero that that you know, go back to what you asked me earlier. Who is your hero? It's me in five years is me in 10 years the person I want to become that's my hero.

Mark Laurie: 18:30

So your hero is your future you? Yes, you run towards it? Yes. How do you visualize that? How do you visualize the future you

Adriana Van Der Merwe: 18:38

more of it depends on depends of how like I personally am very visual. Some people are auditory. Some people are kinesthetic. I'm very visual. So I can I can close my eyes and I have my own world. In my mind, I can see things. So I see myself one of the things is that I will tell you a quick thing before that this I learned about humans because I'm very fascinated about humans. There are three types of humans you have they call it the invisible humans, which again, no judgment, people want to live their life will do whatever they like to do in that moment. And that's okay. You have the the people that just live the way they live and not doing a lot with their life. You have people that are inspiring people. So you when you see that person you is they inspire you to do something as well. And then you have the expert us aspiring, like people that you aspire to become. Okay, so I was the first part of it, and and transition now I'm the second I mean spy start inspiring people because I was inspired by others. And my goal is to become a spire. I want to inspire other people to be like me, not necessarily to be who I am, but to see me themselves. Like the people that have the courage to speak up when they need to speak up about yourself. still have boundaries to have dreams, to dream bigger than we are taught to dream. Because we are taught to dream so little and I to just learning how to expand my mind to dream huge. And now I look at myself, okay, I want to travel the world because I realized that this world is so big and so beautiful. And we're so blessed to be living now, in this moment, not 20, not 30 years, maybe it was harder. But in this moment, we have so much to offer. And we have so much this world to offer to us, that we constrained, we like putting ourselves in a box. That's all I can do. But once you take ourselves out of the box and settle on top of the box, you don't have to go but just sit on top of the box and look around you, you will going to change completely your your life and everything, how you see life. So that's what I'm doing. Now. I'm a curious child, a forever student, I call myself that I sit on top of the box. And I look what is there. And now I see a world that I can explore. And why not? Now when I'm going to wait on I'm going to be 78 years old when I cannot do it anymore? No, I want to explore that now when the time is. So I envision myself traveling all over the world. Do what I love the most to do, because they were they say if you do what you love you don't you don't ever work.

Mark Laurie: 21:25

You never work a day in

Adriana Van Der Merwe: 21:26

your life. Yes, exactly. And you know, I'm sure you know better than me this. You've been doing this for so many years. So you know what I'm talking about? Yeah.

Mark Laurie: 21:33

Why do you think like there's I'm seeing two things happening in the world. One is there is a wave and undercurrent, if you will, of people like voices like yours, you're saying, you know, think bigger, you know, think really big. And yet there has been for the longest time it still exists a pressure to stay small to think small. Why do you think there's a pressure for that forces people to think small?

Adriana Van Der Merwe: 21:59

That's a beautiful and powerful question in the same time. My personal opinion and everything I say is just my own experience. And my personal opinion, it can be two cents or not, you can take it or not. You know, I always say that. I truly believe that. I feel like it's a universal need of people to wake up, I hear more and more people around me that they are going into self development. And is not the trend I think is a need. It's a desperate need of a universal need. That we need to wake up. We believing in a suppress world of not expressing yourself not speaking up not going for what you meant to be and do not giving your gifts because gifts are to give not to keep. And having this this unbalanced, I think universe in nature and everything it's all about even in your body, everything is about harmonizing. And one is one too high. And one too low. Things are not working well and breaking. But it's a is this transition now that we need more balance, we need more harmonization. So the people that are what I've always wanted to do more, they go up they will do more. And the people that and they inspire others. And the people that are never did nothing until now because they were suppressed of limitations, boundaries, blueprints that they were brought up into, they start seeing that, Oh, I see people I knew that they were like me, and now they're doing this. So if they can do it, maybe I can do it too. So he brings us COURAGING them to try to. Because I truly believe that we all have this desire to grow and evolve as humans, it's one of the human needs we have is to love to be loved, to be seen, to be heard, and to evolve to contribute. How many times you help someone, and it's the feeling that you have when you help someone is tremendously and it's a win win for both of both of people. And no money can buy that feeling. And it's the same with when you express your gifts. The other person that you help them through your gifts, they get their own way because you help them you feel good. So that's the second one. And then you have the third one. The people that witness the people that witness they really like huh, they do this. That's so cool. Maybe inspire me to go into that to someone else. So it's it's almost like the biggest thing I love to say it's the ripple effect power. It's once one person started doing something, the people around start seeing and they they get inspired to do it too. And the ripple effect can be negative or positive. It's up to you who which one you choose. So I choose to do the positive through my gifts through my work. Through my experience, to do a ripple effect around the people, I, I'm around it and I help. So I give the example I have, I help one person. And maybe I'm not never gonna know that that person help another person, that person helps someone that that someone is going to grow and change the whole world. But you are a puzzle into the ripple effect, that if you never started, that person never had to go and do the things you do. So it's super powerful.

Mark Laurie: 25:33

And that's the core of fasting women exist? Yeah. Because we are trying to create a place where people can be inspired by women like yourself, yes. But going back a bit. So we know the advantage, and there is a swell for people to change and grow and come out of their box. But there's still pressure. And of course, for a long I mean, coming from the communist country, you've seen the pressure, why? Why would Why would there be so much effort put to keep people in their boxes.

Adriana Van Der Merwe: 26:00

Because when people express who they are, this was becomes better. And does mean some people cannot have control over us anymore. And it's all about controlling, it's easier to control the mass to certain education and certain boundaries. Imagine if all of us will do what we love. Imagine, half of the population of the world will do what they meant to do, will be no worse. Because nobody, we all love each other. In the end, we all have family, I have a friend that keeps saying this and our mule is it comes into my head too. He says think about we all humans does matter, your color, your gender, your sex, whatever all of that, we all have going the blood goes through our veins, like anybody else, we all have the same dreams all we all want to be happy, we all want to like we all humans, doesn't matter who you are, and then this Some people try to keep us low, because if they allow us to express ourselves, then then this world will not be under control. And certain things can now be done how they wanted, I grew up in, in my own small world, which I was controlled, because if I allowed to express myself the way I am expressing myself, then the things will not be done how that person wanted, so they cannot keep me control. But when you allow the, when you do this, the person or the I give example, like a board, if you keep a board and he's keep squishing it, sooner or later that bird is gonna learn to stay in your palm are never gonna leave even if you open it, or like you ever heard about the story with the elephant is say a guy went to visit a sanctuary with elephants. And he said, When the elephants are babies, they put like the on on their legs, yeah, the calves, and they keep him there. And then when is a baby can I get out of that. But then when they become adults, because they've been indoctrinated into that story they can do they stop fighting, and they don't fight anymore. So they become adults, and they just sit there and they know that they the fence that they are into, they can break at like a second because the Giants, they have tons of power. But why they don't do it anymore. Because they've been indoctrinated to believe that that's all they can do. And that's what it is happened in this world, we still have a lot of humans, that they don't know how much power they have, and how much beautiful gifts they have to give to this world and help others. Because that's all they believe they can do. It's all about belief, you believe that this the only thing you can do is go to job, do what you're doing, and come home and just watch TV. And that's about it. But you have so much desires inside you and so much gifts to give them do that you never expressed them because that belief is stronger than then your desire. So is this fight between desire and belief? And depends who wins? Or depends why they say which wolf you feed.

Mark Laurie: 29:12

That's a very powerful step. I grew up there is taking my marketing courses and so on the guy was says what do you do? And like I said, I'm a fleet trainer as a fleet and he says, Wait, please can jump super, super high. And I'm training them to not I put this little invisible lid on them and they hit NAFTA why they learned they coined jump that tall. And I've trained them to stay that tall with them and I take the lid off doesn't matter though their jumps. Three trainers.

Adriana Van Der Merwe: 29:36

Yeah, that's exactly the same thing.

Mark Laurie: 29:42

What would be a turning point in your life? A moment that was a a cascade more revelation moment that you sit back and go there. That's the point in the river that I diverted that.

Adriana Van Der Merwe: 29:55

I had many because I've been through a lot of things but the say let's Let's talk about the one the last one. Let's do this, the last

Mark Laurie: 30:04

about the first one, where you where you have happened to you like it just happened and you decide to make a change, then let's talk about the second one, which would be the one that you decide to create the change.

Adriana Van Der Merwe: 30:16

So the first one was when I was 14 years old, and I always gonna remember I'm very visual, even though if I close my eyes, I can see it. I was on the floor crying because the things happened with my parents and myself and all the bullying at school, the abuse at home and all these things. And I was mad, like mad at God that was rageous with him, like, for me, God, whatever you want to call, it was just someone that I only spoke with, because I don't have brothers or sisters. And I was sitting on that floor. And I took the knife and I was like, That's it. I'm done. I'm mad with you are mad with the world. My parents doesn't love me, they don't even care on one, me, my bad. My dad is beating the crap out of me. Like, why is the point? What is the point for me to sit here for what I don't value and I think I have nothing to offer. And of course, when you 14, and you don't, you're going through so much hormonal things, and so many things happening. So I was at a point and I almost see that, like I started, you know, started. And I was crying. And I was like, you know, having angry thoughts and discussions with God or whatever you want to call him my friend. And and then I had this, you know, when you have this, like, I know, I know, sounds crazy, like have a voice that you know is not yours or told that is not yours. And and I had this thought this feeling of this is not what you need to do. Because you have so much things to offer and do. And if you do this, you're destroying what is planned for you to do in this world. And it's your choice. I'm not like I'm not gonna tell you what to do. But it's your choice. But in that moment, because I was still a child, I got distracted, because I'm almost curious about what the this is coming from. And me being curious is like, do I hear voices already? I'm actually in my path towards the heaven or what the heck is happening? Yeah. So that was one moment that stopped me from what I was about to do. And thank God is that, you know, thing, roll appreciate. Yeah, that that happened. And then I had many others in between. And it's funny, because afterwards, there's a lot of things that happened in between that brought me back to that moment. And I keep questioning myself, like, Why did I do and then because look where I'm at now. Like, it's like approval for me that I still not worthy. I'm still like this. But slowly, slowly, what was my life change, and I started going to different environment, different countries, different places, I started seeing how I impact people in a small scale, of course, in you know, friends, family, acquaintances and stuff. And I realized that sometimes success doesn't have to be into changing the whole world. If you change a person, and you help that person to not date not for them not to take their life, or for them to have a better relationship with themselves, or for them to have a better relationship with their family or spouse or whatever. I already impact someone. It's already a win for me. I already did what that moment was, you know, stop me to do. So that was that was a big thing. And another was couple of years ago after I divorce, tried to move you know, move forward and do some things and I just might, my financial situation was really bad. Physically, I was getting more and more than seek my asthma was so bad that I have asthma attacks every day. So all of them because of the emotion I wasn't emotionally regulated. I didn't know what the heck to do with myself. And depression, anxiety and all the things come together. It brought me to the point that I was crying every day, I had suicidal thoughts again, I come to a point where like, Okay, I either in this life done, or I either sell whatever I have, which I didn't have nothing and move back with the tail between my legs and go home. I didn't want to do none of those. I somehow somewhere I felt like it's something else there. So one morning, I never gonna forget a woke up, woke up crying. And I went to the bathroom. And I look in the person in the mirror and I said, That's it. I'm done. No more of this. This is enough. Something has to change. And funny thing. That was the first time I look at the person in the mirror and I saw her the person that needs to be seen and heard and the person in the mirror look at me and she said It's not something has to change, you have to change. And that was like, I don't have to even now I feel emotional about it. In that moment, I felt like something dropped, like something just broke in me. And from that moment, I felt the need to ask the person in the mirror, what do you need from me? And I keep doing that every day. What do you need from me. And it's funny things because sometimes the person in the mirror is gonna give you the, if you set quiet and listen, the person in the mirror is gonna tell you what exactly she or he needs. And the person in the mirror told me I need you to love me, I need you to accept me, I need you to, to be more kind with me. And, and that was the first time I actually saw myself, you know, one is you go to the mirror and you look at the person in the mirror, and like you'd be biliterate is like all look like shit, I don't look good. Oh, I have bags under my eyes. You never say good words to you. I always say to all my clients, I will make an exercise, right? All the things you say to yourself, you will be surprised, but what you actually say to yourself, and if you allow someone else, you will never allow someone else to speak that way with you. But we allow ourselves to speak that way. And for me, that was a wake up call that no matter what I do, and where I go, I go with me. And if I don't have a good relationship with me, I cannot have a good relationship with nobody. If I don't respect me how the hell I'm gonna expect anybody else to respect me. If I don't respect me, I want to love to other people to love me when I don't love me. Like, it's insane. Like what is the logic and all of that? So I had to start question, I have to figure out who I am what I want. What is my relationship with myself? What are my thoughts? What what is triggering me where they come from? So I start doing a lot of inner work. And more I do that more I create this more bound with myself more I feel free of other people opinions about what's happening around the world that I let people or things to affect me. And I have a better relationship with myself.

Mark Laurie: 37:21

That's powerful. winded up on that. It's you've been one of most insightful people we've had. It's been just incredible. So thank you. Thank you that so this is Adriana, your last name again,

Adriana Van Der Merwe: 37:32

Vanderbilt

Mark Laurie: 37:34

with Mark Laurie from fascinating women.ca. It's been like to have you with us, everyone. And you will have a bio section you'll come across information on Adrianna. And you can kind of catch what she's all about. And we'll put some links in there. And thank you so much for joining us today.

Adriana Van Der Merwe: 37:50

Thank you. It's been such a pleasure to be part of what you're doing. You're doing a movement, you are giving a voice to so many women that need a voice. And I just want to say thank you.

Exit speaker: 38:03

This has been fascinating women with Mark Laurie, join us on our website and subscribe at fascinating women dossier fascinating women has been sponsored by inner spirit photography of Calgary, Alberta and is produced in Calgary by Lee Ellis and my office media.