Victoria Givlin - Optimist- Curious Woman- Engager- Actress-

introduction: 0:07

You're listening to fascinating women with Mark Laurie. And now, Mark Laurie.

Mark Laurie: 0:15

Hello, Victoria. Hello, Mark, how are you? And hello everybody out there. This is Mark Laurie from fascinating women. I usually as I've mentioned before, I'm behind the camera and I photograph wonderful women like her. But they're such amazing stories. And so I thought I should share that with the world. So the result is we have praetorian today talking to us, I have not photographed Victoria. So she's a stickler for black and white now. So welcome, Victoria.

Victoria Givlin: 0:43

Thank you for having me. I'm excited.

Mark Laurie: 0:46

So let's get right into it. What three beliefs guide you three

Victoria Givlin: 0:51

beliefs that guide me? Well, I am a firm believer in karma. So I am all about, you know, you get back what you put in chaos and life happens. But overall, you know, it's about helping the collective helping others and it'll come back. without expectation, just know that it'll come. That's one two would be that you can change your life at any time. Any moment. Something isn't serving you anymore, someone some relationship, some business, something isn't working for you, you can pivot in any moment. And to believe in yourself, you know it, it all starts with you. The external reality is a reflection of your internal self and your beliefs. So being able to focus on the good when you do that you get even better. And you know, creating that sort of reality for yourself was probably my third.

Mark Laurie: 1:50

So it sounds like you basically operate from a positive point of view.

Victoria Givlin: 1:53

I do. Yeah, I genuinely believe that life should be fun. It should be a blast, obviously, again, you know, there are things come up that you can't predict. But where's the solution? How can we make this more fun? We only get this turn around in this lifetime with this body? So how can I make it a good time and enjoyable? I've spent enough time in my life in places and things that didn't serve me and I don't need to do that anymore. And I don't want anyone to do this.

Mark Laurie: 2:26

Have you always been a positive person? Or is that something that it's evolved that you fine tune have been consciously aware to build?

Victoria Givlin: 2:33

I definitely think it's been a process, I have been the type that could be the half the glass half empty. And I was always saying I'm like, it's realistic. It's just how it is. But while it's true to look at something from a logical point of view, overall, again, there's so many wonderful things that we just take for granted. That could be gone in a second. So yeah, I try to always see the positive instead of why is this happening to me? What is this teaching me? What can I do from my side to learn from this and then have that not repeat as a pattern? And just enjoy your life? Right, so

Mark Laurie: 3:17

So when you first realize you're positively based?

Victoria Givlin: 3:21

That's a good question. I my education is in criminology, psychology and a minor in law. And it is a very thorough, logical, systematic approach to things. And what I noticed was a lot of people just got the wrong cards dealt to them in life. And there were so many ways that they could redirect what they were doing and seeing people that have gone through extreme situations and completely turn their life around. Like they're certain you know, we're a first world it's a first world problem. You know, my we get water in our tap every day. We don't have to walk, I can have a hot shower. There's so many little things. It's always about the little thing. So yeah, I have the mindset. Definitely probably like the mid 20s Onward. There was a lot of tough times from high school to young 20s and, you know, a lot of things as we go through a lot of growth and development. But yeah, it always was like well, you know, this is really hard, but the only one who can fix it is me. Nobody's coming to save me. Disney has lied. So

Mark Laurie: 4:43

Disney has a lot of tragedy like almost all the stories to off with a deaf or a loss of somebody have in severe nature, then they kind of want their story. They seem very dark.

Victoria Givlin: 4:52

They do and I mean that's the thing at the same time is the comfortable, cushy it's very hard to see not existing anymore. But the whole go to post secondary get a job for 4050 years retire, be happy, very like, across the board. I don't really see that as exciting for me, but I also don't like you can't appreciate the highs of the going through the lows. Right? So yeah, you need the tragedy to make the story interesting in a way

Mark Laurie: 5:22

too much. Not too much. If I could learn and it's like, everyone wants to be going on an adventure, I still want to get hurt on my adventure I want but like, I like a storybook where the person gets dismembered or something. Yeah, I don't want that adventure. I want that with this one here.

Victoria Givlin: 5:34

Can I tell her what it is that I'm looking for my experience. And there's a good saying I'm not sure if I'm gonna pull it right out of my head. But it's like suffering is inevitable. Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. Pain is going to happen, how long you choose to sit there and soak it up and live through it and feel your feelings like grieve something, let it process. But I was reading Einstein's theory of relativity. And it wasn't even like, forget about the math and science part. Let's just talk about the theory. There are certain people that I moved from my hometown when I was in my post secondary years, and then I come back. And there are certain people that get stuck in a certain theory of time. Like they can't move past it, they didn't explore. So yeah, just being able to recognize that and switch things up.

Mark Laurie: 6:23

That you know, that Einstein had discovered this recently, actually has a paper on the possibility of time travel.

Victoria Givlin: 6:29

That's cool. I believe that after that was really, the sort

Mark Laurie: 6:33

of disapproval I probably couldn't happen by the channels and was was interesting things. So So you had a rough life in your teens, both childhood positive or you.

Victoria Givlin: 6:43

childhood was positive. So just like everybody, we have our own things. childhood was moving a lot when we were younger, and then planted it in like elementary school. I have a twin brother, we went through French immersion together, I have a little brother as well. That was all good. I was good. On the sport side. I was always a little bit of an oddball that that's okay. I've come to love that. And yeah, I have no complaints. My parents were hard working, they did their best to provide us with a great life and to spend time with their siblings and do lots of local sports. So and even like the high school stuff, it's not my family or anything, really, of course, we had arguments sometimes when I hit like end teens, but like they weren't causing any like suffering really, because other external circumstances. But yeah, good childhood.

Mark Laurie: 7:36

Did that how did that shaped you.

Victoria Givlin: 7:40

My mother, I watched her leave a job that she hated an insurance mid 30s and watched her try something she'd never educated herself on. And she just bought the business and off she went. So wow, saw her change her life and change her direction. My grandmother started a business in her 60s. So that whole mindset about you don't have to be stuck here. That really showed me that you can, whatever it is that you want to do. You can do it. But you have to actively go at it can't just dream you got to do. But yeah, definitely shaped me in that way shape me in a very fortunate that. then seven years later, my dad joined the business too. So very entrepreneurial parents, very local base community focused. So yeah, supporting the other and that returned back to support my family. So being able to Karma comes in this way. And yeah,

Mark Laurie: 8:40

like that. That was wild. Because of the guests that I've gotten in you one of our younger girls, but you've packed a lot into your life. And that's what's so intriguing with you. Can you just give us some highlights?

Unknown: 8:51

Highlights? Yeah, so that version of our notes Coles notes, as my mom said, depending on the age demographic, I guess I'm sure there's a younger one that I'm missing the term for but yeah, so very athletic childhood. graduated high school 10 years ago. I wanted I do very athletic Athlete of the Year was given a it was like an attitude enthusiastic community uplifting sports award, and then was on the Dean's list was on the honor roll went to university, Carleton University for psychology, criminology and law. On the Dean's list had a good scholarship 75% off for my academics. I have kind of took a little bit of a sidestep as life opens things up did a year on theater, film, screen television acting and have done stuff for Netflix shows I've done some feature film some commercials. I didn't get into modeling or acting the Like I predicted, it was actually like a huge confidence boost. I had been bullied all through high school and for many years, my elementary age, so I really I had braces all through grade 10 degree 12. So, when I graduated, I was like, Look, I just want some pretty photos where I feel good about myself, and it just kind of spiraled from there. But I've worked for Mercedes, I've worked for Red Bull, I've worked for the Bank of Montreal. So what else? I climbed a mountain a month ago with my brother, I have done a rugged maniac, which is like a five kilometer obstacle course giving money back for cancer. I coordinated a fashion show two weeks, two months ago. Yeah, fun stuff.

Mark Laurie: 10:46

Do you classify yourself as an entrepreneur? No. Yes, yeah. And what kind of shape does that?

Victoria Givlin: 10:51

So when people ask what I do, I tell them to fold. I'm a community builder. And I'm a storyteller. So I meet three to five business owners every single day. And I say hi, how are you? You know, tell me who you are. Tell me what you do. I'm new to Calgary. I want to know, what you love about what you do. Why you do what you do? That's the psychology side of things. What are your beliefs? I'm fascinated. And how can I help you? Who can I introduce you to? What are you doing with your visibility? How can I help you? Who do you want to talk to in that way? I've got some affluent, exclusive communities I'm constantly talking to so are those a good fit for you? Or do you want to come networking with me? I'm hosting networking. So yeah, that's, that's what I do. And then it's working with the client being like, Okay, well, you know, how can I write really interesting articles to educate my readers? And how can I take this audition that came in because I still do acting and modeling and make this really exciting and fun for me and for the watcher? Because it's, how is it different? How is it interesting? How is it setting it apart and telling a story in my own way? Because we all have our own stories?

Mark Laurie: 12:04

We do. It's interesting is I have this podcast. Yeah. Fascinating. What makes you curious right now.

Victoria Givlin: 12:13

I am in a phase of growth and learning. I think when we stop learning, we stopped growing. I moved to Calgary just over six months ago. So I'm curious about the West. I've never I visited Alberta for the first time last year in October. And so yeah, I'm really just on the ground curious about like, what's around that corner? What coffee shops over there, and what store is happening here. And I think I know where this little spot is. Because I've hit that coffee shop and two blocks around. There's a really good gummy store. Like it's fun. So every day is an adventure, which is awesome. But yeah, I'm curious about people. I'm curious about the location. And I'm curious about what's next.

Mark Laurie: 12:59

I love that. Thank you, would you say is your unique talent or skill? Do you require your

Victoria Givlin: 13:05

talent or skill? I'd have to say, positively persistent. I'm not someone to give up. I'm not someone to throw in the towel. I love what I do. So every day I get to get up, I wake up before my alarm. And yeah, I am not wanting to give up sometimes, you know, you have to rest a while and learning how that works a little bit better. But yeah, I am not really one to give up on anything or anyone. If they need my help, then I'm happy to do that. I want to be a resource to help others and to help guide them. It makes me very happy in my personality to see other people shine too. So yeah, it's cool.

Mark Laurie: 13:52

That inspirational quote besides winter gave us earlier something that you fall back on.

Victoria Givlin: 13:57

My mantra for this year. I can't remember where I heard it. But every single day, your moment when something's challenging for me this year, I've heard people say like, I have a yearly mantra. It just happened this year. It wasn't like I planned it. But my mantra this year is everything is always working out for me no matter how it looks. If I want a relationship or I'm building something with someone, or I'm hoping that goes this way, and it goes sideways with a business with a friend with anything. It's always working out for me. It wasn't supposed to go that way. That's okay. We roll with the punches. We'll make it work and it was happening for my highest good regardless of what happened.

Mark Laurie: 14:37

I believe the highest gets tricky because when things get tough, you go okay, I'm sure there's a reason for this. I'll see it in 20 years.

Victoria Givlin: 14:46

Yeah, you're like why? Instead of why is this happening to me? What is this teaching me? And how can I? Again back to the like, Yes, I'm in pain. Yes, this sucks. But how do I actively get out of it and learn the lesson?

Mark Laurie: 15:00

I found it, this has always been a tricky thing for me. what point do you notice when you're having doing what you're going through? It's really hard. So you're trying to push a project through, you're trying whatever happens to be, at what point he's determined? Is the universe testing me to see if I'm serious? I want this and therefore the door will open? Or is the universe trying to tell me this is a bad idea? Do something else?

Victoria Givlin: 15:19

Valid? No, very good.

Mark Laurie: 15:21

Okay, so I'm in the thick of this, which is it?

Victoria Givlin: 15:25

Yeah. I think the positive persistence comes through again, and over time. So great examples for this would be, I lived an hour from Toronto. I did my acting training and university graduate studies in Ottawa, I moved back to my hometown, about an hour from Toronto. And for six years, I was trying to get in to Toronto and live there. And I had worked there, I would come in do some work and leave. didn't feel right. Energetically, I kept trying. I kept having things be like, yeah, yeah, it's gonna happen. And then last second, it was like, and I'm like, what? So? Yeah, that was a, you know, Okay, listen, how do I feel about this? How do I feel when I go into the city? How do I feel when I come out? And yeah, you have to keep pushing. But I kept I tried for six years. So some of the universe was like, nope. So I'm like, Okay. And I'm a very spiritual person talking to my spirit guides, talking to my ancestors, whatever higher power you might believe in. And I kept saying, like, is this where I'm supposed to go? And it didn't seem to be. And then I came out to Calgary to try and the energy was right. And I kept trying and kept looking at that and asking, and, yeah, it was like, You need to go here. Now. The Universe kind of pointed, my family moved here. My mentor from Ottawa moved here. I'm like, my two, couple of my favorite people in the same city. This has never happened. Okay, I hear you started to go. So, yeah. And also being mindful of you should be motivated to want to do something. Absolutely. But also, motivation is not everything. Discipline is what it is. So what and it can change at any time again, like, can you what I want it to be at 18 is not what I want to be now. So it's like, okay, well, what pulls me so strongly to it, that I can't not do it. And I really want to do it. And it's not even like a motivation thing. motivation comes, but I'm drawn to it. I'm not like, Oh, I better go to the word the gym today, I gotta, I gotta get myself excited. Like, no, I want to do this. Sometimes it's hard. But if I show up for myself, and I keep doing that, I'm always returned on feeling good. And just listening to what is really pulling me because some of my friends are like, I wanted to do this for like, a year and a half. And I'm like, if it hasn't come up at all, and you can't find a way to get yourself to do it and make time for it. So really supposed to be for you. Do you really have to push that hard? Because if you really wanted it, it would just be like, Oh, I'm doing it now. Right? Yeah. So

Mark Laurie: 18:09

there's a lot of people are fear based. And so they'll have off to get the last barrier of fear to leap into it and trust is going to happen. And that's where they often stop and stall. On the flip side, they keep on hitting these speakers and say, I just got to make that leap. Trust yourself. And golden parachute and golden wings, you know, fly across, I get this vision because I've been so many marketing courses and so on. And I'm quite aware of it and I get this vision of this huge Evil Knievel type of Canyon right? It's so high up there's there's a miss blow and you can't see below the mist right below the mists of all the skulls, the people that didn't make the jump? Yes, they just talked with the guys that didn't make it because no one cares. Like I didn't know you should tell the people we're about to who aren't quite equipped yet. Yeah, we're gonna make the leap because they believe in you that they're not ready yet. They're high octane. Fuel is just shy of 10 feet, and they're not going to make it but given the other year, they will. That's That's my my audition of things.

Victoria Givlin: 19:13

Yeah. I mean, you gotta keep trying, it might not be a good fit for you right now. But that doesn't necessarily mean that you're not or with clients that I'm working with. Now. I'm like, I'd love to get you on board with what I'm doing. But as the expert at what I do, and you being the expert at what you do, now's not the right time. And I'd love to but first, I need your website that needs to be sharp that needs to be put together. I'm not putting you in this until that's done. And just having that open relationship and open conversation to talk about it. There's also you know, shoot for the moon and even if you miss you'll land along the stars, hopefully not in a ditch in the canyon somewhere. But metaphorically, I guess that could be depending you could climb your way back up if it really matters to you. Who, or you could decide, this part of me is going to be resting. Now, I don't want to follow this career path or this hobby, whatever anymore. What else? Could I maybe learn to jump? Or what's an easier jump? And it's not quite 10 feet far. And it's just a step. What can I maybe do that when

Mark Laurie: 20:20

that is true? What have you changed your mind about recently?

Victoria Givlin: 20:23

What have I changed my mind about recently? I've been, I think the biggest lesson for me from moving provinces, was really embracing this own inner empowerment, and setting my own boundaries and being okay with that, and being okay with being like, it's okay to agree to disagree here, and have that conversation. And I'm happy to have that conversation. But I'm also not going to be walked all over and have my boundaries and my needs not being met. So that's probably been the biggest thing, and I am a giver. And it's what I do, and I have a twin brother. So I'm used to having always someone there. But I need to give back to myself. And I can't fill anyone's cup with mines empty. And to take the time to be like no, like, listen to your body, rather than just running through things and doing what you're supposed to do. But your body is like a sacred vessel, and it's telling you something so please listen to yourself.

Mark Laurie: 21:33

Do you have any personally heroes,

Victoria Givlin: 21:35

personal heroes, honestly, the people that I get to meet every day I find something that I'm like, this is fascinating. In terms of number anybody was like, Who is your role model and stuff like that? It was never really anyone famous. It was always right now it would definitely be in has been a fraud, but it would be my mom. My mom is a trailblazer. And she's you know, full steam ahead. And I look up to her a lot. There's a lot of things that I want to help her with that I want to support the community and I see her positivity and or grit and or go getter attitude, and I want to be able to help her in that and make her life easier.

Mark Laurie: 22:21

And she's here in town now.

Victoria Givlin: 22:22

She is yeah, she came here in January 2021. And then I came here in February of 2023.

Mark Laurie: 22:31

Do you feel people understand you get you?

Victoria Givlin: 22:35

I had a great conversation earlier today with a gent that does what I do, but he's in Ontario. And he's like, wow, you're very open. And I'm like, yep. And he's like, do you feel like that scares people away? Like, well, I don't run very shallow. In general, I don't like surface level conversations. Of course, you need to have that to kind of start but I'll just dive straight into the deep stuff. And sometimes people aren't like, ready or willing to meet me there. That's okay. What I've come to realize now is people will meet me where they're comfortable to meet. And if I'm open with being vulnerable with what I've been through, it might help them open up themselves if they're open to have that conversation, but also just understanding that I'm okay with people not understanding me. And it's okay for people to be like she's odd. I am a little

Mark Laurie: 23:29

it's good to be quirky when you deep dive. So what does it conversationally like? Because most people come in, there's a whole bunch of the weather's nice and, and really loud conversations just kill time. What does a deep dive get into right away look like for you?

Victoria Givlin: 23:44

So I'll meet with business owners, and I'll ask them you know, your surface level? How long have you been in business? What do you do? Tell me about your services? And then I'll go into, like, what motivates you? What do you really want to do? What moving forward? Do you want to pivot yourself to focus on? And where are your pain points? And where do you struggle? And what's bothering you both professionally? And personally? If you're open to having that conversation with me?

Mark Laurie: 24:11

Do you use the same approach to personal relationships for conversations

Victoria Givlin: 24:17

between personal and professional?

Mark Laurie: 24:18

So if you're having when you friends, people up at the bar, do you get into deeper interesting conversations right away or you just kind of fluff through them?

Victoria Givlin: 24:28

I tend to just go like in terms of large group networking.

Mark Laurie: 24:33

People that you've met, like not not the business people that

Victoria Givlin: 24:35

I know, it tends to be straight into deep diving, and that doesn't seem to scare people away. I like to think and I feel I'm being authentic. So no, it doesn't seem to and I'll pick up on the conversation. I left Ontario six months ago, I'll see people I saw them a few months or a month or so ago. And I'll pick up on where we left and see where they're at and what's going on. So, and I'm very good at picking up feelings. So if someone's like, oh, yeah, I'm fine. I'm like, but you're not. So, you know, if you're open to talking to me, just know that I'm here for you. If you're not just know that I'm a safe space for you, I won't judge you. I'm not a judgmental person. So just having that sort of open dialogue and knowing that people can come to me for advice, or when they're talking to me, do a pupil just messaged me? And I'm like, do you want to vent? Or do you want to problem solve? So kind of figuring that out, and letting them know for who I am as a human being you're welcome to vent to me. But if you're inventing, inventing, inventing again, and again and again about the same problem, I'm going to give you solutions. And if you don't follow any of the solutions that I'm going to ask you, let's talk about something else.

Mark Laurie: 25:56

What's the best advice you received?

Victoria Givlin: 26:00

Best advice I have received. To always work on yourself, to empower yourself. That was the conversation that I had with earlier today, that, again, like the external world is an internal reflection. So if you're always like, life's so hard, everything's so expensive, I hate what I'm doing. Like, you're just gonna keep pulling that to you like a magnet. Whereas if you're seeing the good and other things, and you're able to be that sort of inspiration and help other people lift themselves up. I don't want you to be toxically positive, like, nothing's wrong. Everything's always perfect. No, feel your feelings. Figure it out. But yeah, just understanding that there's always even in feelings like there's a duality where you're like, Hey, I'm nervous. Alright, feel the nervousness on the opposite side of the coin is excitement. So yes, I'm nervous. But I'm also really excited. So how can I kind of fuel it to go that way? Perspective is everything.

Mark Laurie: 27:09

It is. What have you changed perspective sometimes? Where you started down one path and some things? Did you go away? I'm looking this all wrong?

Victoria Givlin: 27:20

Yeah, yeah, there's definitely experiences in life that come through where you're like, wow, my whole world is upside down. What I thought was gonna go did not go that way. And you know, my mindset about this person about this job, though, until you try, you'll never know. But having an open mind, and I mean, that's not for me, that's, you know, I wish everybody that's doing that all the best to but that's not where I thrive. And that's not where I really want to spend my attention. So, all the time.

Mark Laurie: 27:54

How do you find personal success?

Victoria Givlin: 27:57

personal success, personal success for me is being able to help others being able to have some forward momentum and being able to look forward for something being excited being like, Okay, well, you know, this is happening, and celebrating the moments. So personal success to me is constant improvement. I keep learning. What did I get from that book? What did I get from this conversation from this person? How can I apply that to my life, and I go to bed every night accomplished feeling like I did pretty well. I could beat myself on up on it. I could have done this, this and that. And there's always more work to be done. But yeah, knowing like, Okay, well, looking back again, being mindful on, well, what did I do today? And how did I help these people are moving forward, what's the next step to help them and myself move forward? And the relationships that we're building and hearing back from the people that I work with and having them be like, this is working for me. This is great. My business is thriving. I'm like, perfect. This is how I know that I have a personal professional type of accomplishment. There's different facets. So there's health, there's mental health, like physical health, mental health, spiritual health, work, health, financial health, which is kind of tight in that way. So trying to hit each of them being like professionally, we're doing pretty good, but it's hard to balance all of them. So being like, where am I struggling here? For years after the car accident, I was struggling with physical pain. I'm still working through that. But I went to the chiropractor, I got the X ray. So being like, oh look, physical health. I'm physically readjusting my spine. That's that's progression. I can see on the X rays. You know that I went from this to like this improvement. Yay.

Mark Laurie: 29:56

How long ago was a car accident?

Victoria Givlin: 29:57

It'll be four years October 5. So, yeah, I was going on the highway to a runway, not rehearsal, not audition for her soul. The show was the next day and a car going 140 sideswiped me, my driver side, I hit a concrete barrier on the highway. And when I bounced back, she had like a Jeep type. And I had, I didn't have a lower car, but I had a Honda Civic. So my center of gravity goes boof, and then comes right back because force, and then with the force that I hit her car again bouncing off of it. Because my center of mass is lower, I flipped her she rolled, and my airbag didn't go. So my body took the force of this car going 140 with no airbag, and my head hit the steering wheel. And yeah, it sucked. I'm a physical person, I've always worked out my issues to work out my mental stuff at the same time. And I couldn't do that for a long time. So now I'm doing low impact. And I want to get to where I was I can do yoga, fitness, pilates, walking, the dog biking, those sorts of things. But I can wait lift, but it really is very difficult. After when I like like it might be fine during the day. Say I work out in the morning and use some weights. But by the time 345 6pm comes around, depending on how hard I was, I have to go lay down. So I'm just trying to restructure my back to them. Have it be able to take the load of this weight properly.

Mark Laurie: 31:40

That changed the trajectory of your life.

Victoria Givlin: 31:42

Yes, absolutely. I was forcibly, like spiritually awoken. So I took psychology in my undergraduate love it. And this car accident what was happening prior. So I had left my partner like two partners ago, we got out of a relationship. It was two months later, I was on my way to the runway rehearsal. And you know, it's not like I felt invincible. But being a young adult, you're just like, you know what's gonna happen, everything's fine. And I've been in different, like, I was in a car accident when I was like six, so it had been quite some time. But yeah, you kind of think, you know, everything's gonna be fine, Everything's peachy. And at the SEC, like at a second and an instant, everything can change. And it can impact you for a long time. So I did go through a few dark nights of the soul just being like, I went from working eight to 16 hours a day, supporting someone else when I left that relationship, but doing that much work and being a workaholic, and that sort of stuff too, physically not being able to work more than like three or four hours a day for like two years and I got in six months before the pandemic. So that accident happened. I'm a very extroverted person I love to meet people couldn't do that, because I couldn't be with lights or room or noise or anything like that. And at the time, I was even posting for social media marketing clients and making content for them. And I'd be crying because I'm even just posting something on my phone. And it's really hard to look at the screen. So it definitely changed my life made me slow down, made me realize like, okay, if I'm going to be five minutes late, that's fine. Let them know that you're gonna be fine. I apologize. Thank them for their patience. But I'd rather be five minutes late and safe than you know something that can alter your life safety is always first. So it made me reimagine things that made me relook at things. And you know, the last couple years came through my family moved west, I was very felt isolated. I felt alone. I didn't know what to do. And I was not in a great relationship again. But I spent a lot of time realizing like, I'm leaning on other people for my happiness. I need to come back to the basics, the breathwork, the yoga, the meditation, the gratitudes. Even if it's hard to stand up right now, I still got a great meal. I didn't cook the food, or I might have cooked the food but I didn't grow the food. I didn't ship the food to my own door. I didn't make the cutlery you know, these sorts of things that are very we just monotony. We all just do it. But I'm like but if we really focus on what's in front of us, we're so privileged to have this so

Mark Laurie: 34:40

that is wild. That's cool. What's your biggest dream?

Victoria Givlin: 34:47

My biggest dream. My biggest dream would be to get to a point where I'm very fortunate now on that I am rich with life experience. I'm rich with people, I'm rich with awesome people and connections. I like to get to a point where, at a certain extent, like financial numbers are not a thing. There's abundance everywhere. And not even necessarily for me, like, I want it to be a point where the whole community around me, we're all growing. We're all doing really well. We're all succeeding. The business that I'm with now, we haven't slowed down since 2007. So anyone that works with us, like we're moving forward, and I want to get to a point where, what am I my mom wants to retire, it probably won't be for another 10 or 15 years, but even my dad like, or my grandparents, whatever's going on that if they need to go somewhere, if they need something that it would just be like, don't worry about it, like, I've got it for you, I love you. Like if it's not, you know, whatever it is you need, you can come and ask. And if I can give it to you, I want to be able to do that.

Mark Laurie: 36:03

Have you had to give anything up to get where you are.

Victoria Givlin: 36:08

I've had to give up my mindset, again, perspective, this is not a sprint, this is a marathon. It's my life here. So I have to give up the expectation about a certain timeline. I have timelines that I run on, but I remember again, perspective, like 16 years old, like Yeah, 25 I'm going to have a house, I'm going to be married. I'm going to have kids that I have a big fancy degree. I'm gonna have my masters of none of these things. None of them. And I'm so happy. Yes, definitely. Always changing.

Mark Laurie: 36:47

How do you feel about that?

Victoria Givlin: 36:49

I feel good. I feel like we're all kind of doing this leap of faith jump thing being beautiful butterflies though. Caterpillar doesn't really know what they're doing scrounging around and then like, cocooning somewhere. And being like, oh, darkness, internal reflection. Mindfulness, active, what do I want? And what am I going to do? And then slow, open and fly away is so yeah, and that'll happen multiple times in your life like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna do this. And that's great. Not flied off. But yeah, okay. Now we got a caterpillar somewhere new and do something else

Mark Laurie: 37:30

to find, because the accident forced a reevaluation of your life. And because from sounds that you had lots of time, because your body wasn't doing things your brains having to fill in the gaps, did you find that introspective sort of gave you clarity for what you really want in the future, like, clarify what you really wanted, because so many things got stripped away. It clarified

Victoria Givlin: 37:51

some things. And it also made some things more confusing. So it really got me in a place where I had to learn even now I'm still managing it to not know, and to be okay with not knowing and being like, Okay, well, the answer to this isn't here for me right now. And I'm asking for it and when it will come when it's supposed to. So understanding like, alright, well, you know, if that's not here yet, that's all right. It showed me I have to listen to my body, I have to make it better. I have to heal it. This is the only one I got in this lifetime. So please be nice to it. I've been mean to it for years, in my adolescence, like, I was self harming myself, I was getting in with the wrong crowds. I was getting in with the wrong substances. I was hanging around the wrong people or on the wrong energy. I had people very close to me betray me. So it was just very much like, in some really big ways. So it was like, Okay, I know that I don't want to sit in this energy. I don't want to sit in this lack mentality, I don't want to sit. I went with the flow with the people that I was with. And I'm like, I'm not willing to die on this hill. I'm not willing to, you know, be carried away by the current of this deep, swirling negativity over here. I need to pull myself out and to find the strength to do that.

Mark Laurie: 39:26

That's hard. That's really hard because I but people drift into a bad environment, it tends to become the norm. Hide you recognize that that's not the norm that that was what you want to have.

Victoria Givlin: 39:40

When I started telling people some things that had happened to me and they looked at me like this. When I when I told them that. There was a friend of mine that was bleeding out on my front step when I told them that my former partner partners at the time his best friend left me seven months worth of rent. When I told them friends that I'd been with for 18 years robbed me three days before Christmas, like, it's all just things. It's like, are you okay? No. But yeah, realizing this isn't okay. And I think the idea of normal or whatever the general general population, whatever that means, depending on where your focus is, but just being back to the I don't, my life could go that way. And that could be normal. And I've studied criminology and I know where that goes. And I don't want that path. I was never destined for that path. I was the almost the imposter syndrome. I was the academic scholar, kid, I was the athlete, I was the leader. What am I doing over here being a straight to the wrong sort of energy and stuff and just letting myself be carried away? What am I doing? So? Yeah, and realizing like, even if not a single person agrees with me right now. It's okay to be by myself. So

Mark Laurie: 41:09

how'd you pull out of that? That's a huge lesson to share.

Victoria Givlin: 41:13

Families, big families big I definitely, you know, end of teen years. Everybody does it, I think, are a lot of people go through it where they need some space. Because you go through life, right? You're like, I'm 18. I know everything. I'm so cool. And then you here's bills, here's boop, here's a car, here's things that you have to afford, and just realizing like, oh, maybe it was a brat. Maybe there were some things that yeah, there were some genuine issues with my family. But a conversation with anyone will fix it if you're willing to both sit down and work on the conversation and have it that way. And to be able to again, share my vulnerabilities with people and be open and honest and raw about it and where I am, and what I need, and hearing other people about that and what they need. And can I help you with that? Can I do something so my family have definitely coming through and being shocked about some of the things because I distanced myself from them for like, early 20. So calling telling them all my shits gone, my Christmas gifts are gone, my jewelry is gone, my money's gone. I have nothing, you know, and my family coming in and being like, load the car, get in the car. I'm very fortunate that I have them for sure. Through thick and thin. I'm very lucky for that. And I know that. And there are friends as well that are chosen family to me that, yeah, they see me at my worst. They saw me there. They still see me when I'm not great. And they still go Yeah, well, I know who you are, though. And I love you. So it's okay, you know, I'm having a breakdown. Okay, you know, what do you need? Do you need a cookie? Do you need to talk to me? Do you need to watch a really good show that you really like? Or what? How can I show up for you, and those people that are willing to show up for you. And there are organizations out there, if you're having a hard time with your family, there are groups, there are networking, there are things out there, if you just go find them, you'll get them.

Mark Laurie: 43:20

If I think it's hard, there's a stage. I think for some people, it's hard to recognize that those are out there and they're safe. And climbing out of that it's hard I've talked to I see with the idea, we get lots of people that who often describe themselves as being broken when it comes to the photoshoot and they're looking for a path to be to find a way again, that's the stuff that

Victoria Givlin: 43:43

we do. I love the photography side of things. That's where I got into the modeling side. It was empowerment, it was confidence. It was you know, reliving that younger self and being like, Oh, I wanted to do this and you know, why can't it just be fun and things should be fun. So all about that.

Mark Laurie: 44:05

This has been a delight. Thanks for having me. It's just great. Any final things you'd want to share? Love people listening in here. This is inspiration, some cases role model. And so you've been through an unusual amount, anything you'd like to share with them as a final go beat up the world.

Victoria Givlin: 44:24

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, one of we all have different roles to play, right? And Shakespeare All the world's a stage. If you're an actor, if you're not an actor, you like yourself. You're a photographer, you're a husband, you know, you could be a parent, you could be a dog, Dad, you could be your networker. There's a business professional, like there's, they're an editor, there's so many different roles that we play. And just knowing that you know, you can do anything that you set your mind to, and its vulnerability that gives you strength. It's okay to ask for help. There are people out there that do want to help you, whether they intimately know you or they don't, there are genuinely nice people out there, and having the courage and the strength to be like, Okay, well, you know, how can I help somebody today? And where could I maybe find the inner strength to ask somebody else to help me today or with whatever is going on. So knowing that you can change your direction at any time, you can do anything you set your mind to not saying it's easy, I'm not saying it's fast, but I'm saying it's worth it. And, yeah, you're not alone. Don't be afraid to reach out, isolating yourself is not good. Take your time to work on yourself and things like that. But don't, don't cut yourself off from everybody. We're a unit and very community focused species. That's why we thrived. So, you know, go find your oddballs that you get along well with and, you know, find your weird, have a good time.

Mark Laurie: 46:05

Well, thank you so much. For now we'll have contact information in the bio everybody and you'll also be able to reach out to Victoria in any aspect of things interesting, and networking and so on. But thank you for coming.

Victoria Givlin: 46:19

Thanks for having me, Mark. And thanks for listening. Yeah, feel free to contact me. I'm always open for a great discussion and for meeting new people and you never know what rabbit holes you're gonna get into. So just love meeting people. This is fascinating.

Exit speaker: 46:34

The host this has been fascinating women with Mark Laurie, join us on our website and subscribe at fascinating women dossier fascinating women has been sponsored by inner spirit photography of Calgary, Alberta, and is produced in Calgary by Leigh Ellis and my office media.