"Phoenix Starchild - Resilience - Divine Awakening - Authentic Healer - Personal Truth"

introduction: 0:07

You're listening to fascinating women with Mark Laurie. And now, Mark Laurie. Hello everyone. It's Mark Laurie here from fascinating women. I usually as you know, I am behind my camera photographs. He is incredibly beautiful creatures. But today I have got Phoenix with me and she's really cool. You should love it.

Mark Laurie: 0:28

Welcome Phoenix. Thank you so much. I I like the little John toss of the hat. They're like she's so cool. That's great. feeling's mutual. Oh, that's good. That's good. We got a mutual love affair kind of thing happened kind of here. Yeah. Yeah. So give us highlights of your life. Kind of go back childhood, but kind of started to shape you at a young age? Whoa.

Phoenix Stonechild: 0:53

Nice, big, big question. Okay. So I mean, I think life was fairly generic, other than the fact that I was adopted, which I always knew, until I moved way up north in the very north and Alberta as you can go before you hit the territories, and then you turn left at the end of that road, go to the end of that road, and you go into the bush 860 people. That's it. And so I lived there for about five years. And I mean, not a lot of as you can imagine. Not so wonderful things can happen to a kid who's living in a town of 860 people without access to anything except trouble. So this was like you your family moves there, or that was how you got there. They decided to go bush. Yeah. So I was I think, going into grade two or something like that. And my three older brothers they like to wear in university. One was doing his last year of high school. My dad got this job in oil. And so we just went up north, me and them and yeah, two bears and Timberwolves and, like, huge ravens that would come and eat your cats. And yeah, it was quite a Wolverines. And yeah, just to just to crazy plates. Beautiful Northern Lights, lots of great stuff, but lots of really terrible stuff there too. Yeah, the friends of civilizations like that. And any worldview book is like, yeah, right. Yeah. As you can imagine, you know, oil town. Like, it's, it was like in the 80s. Rough, rough place, right? My guess late 70s and 80s. Yeah, now I'm dating myself. Yeah. So anyway, so some terrible things happen to me there and set kind of a trajectory for many years of my life, you know, trying to just navigate that as a young person, you know, back before there was counseling back before anybody knew what kind of stuff happened to a person when they faced traumatic situations. And so, yeah, there was a lot of years of my life where I was floundering, shall we say, there's a big phrase there. And so do you want me to move on from there,

Mark Laurie: 3:13

let's just hit the next big highlight.

Phoenix Stonechild: 3:16

Okay, so, um, we kind of moved out of there back to civilization. After five or so years, I think, you know, about a year out from some of these terrible things happening to me. My parents said, Okay, we got to get out of here, sort of back to civilization. And, you know, I think I did that regular cover and bury things with, you know, whatever, substances trouble, whatever, right? Like, people relationships, yada, yada. But eventually, I think I would probably call it now, man, this is a while since I've gone back to this stuff. But I would say it was absolutely a divine intervention in my life, where it was like, Okay, I was, I had a small child, and I was at a point where just nothing was going right. And everything was in a shambles. And I was just sort of in this, like, this is not how I was supposed to live my life, you know, as you can imagine, in all of that time period, where, you know, substance use and all that kind of stuff, like more terrible things happen, you know, like, one terrible thing happens and then more terrible thing happened. So like, yeah, so many, several several terrible things. And so yeah, I just reached this place where I'm like, Man, I don't know. And I think it was like purely a divine intervention. I would have called it probably at that time God or, or something right kind of set me on a trajectory to the church. I don't know whether I would call it God now. And then I have a bigger vision. Do you have what that other higher Consciousness is or whatnot. But at that time, it was a definite like, bang intervention. And I just, like, quit drinking. And like, the it was just night and day bang, bang?

Mark Laurie: 5:13

No, did you recognize it? Or Did somebody say, we're gonna, we're gonna help you, like, was it something like that set back and go, this, I'm gonna be, here's a fork in the road, I'm gonna die if I don't stop or I've got this other option.

Phoenix Stonechild: 5:28

Whether I was at a point where it's like, I'm gonna die like, it wasn't, I don't want to soft pedal it, but I wasn't like on heroin or stuff like that, you know, but but I wasn't one to have any input. Let's put it that way. Okay. I mean, you know, I didn't trust authority. I didn't, you know, like, I didn't have any trust in anybody in the world. Actually, in my, in my view, from my perspective, anyone that I had cared about or loved had just totally betrayed me or let me down or hurt me deeply. So yeah, like, I think it had to take a divine intervention, because there was no one. Nobody with skin on that was gonna, like, do it for me, you know.

Mark Laurie: 6:11

The little skin in the game. So other relations , so then you went to church?

Phoenix Stonechild: 6:16

Yeah, I mean, I think I just that was what I associated, you know, you go to church when you're a kid. And so you associate or I associated that divine intervention with oh, that's church. Okay. So this, this whole intervention, my wife means that so I went, I dove really heavy into church. Because, like, I mean, when something that is otherworldly, or supernatural with no other, like earthly explanation happens to you that shifts the course of your life. You're kind of devoted to that in whatever way seems appropriate. Right? Like, so you just trying to, I was just trying to work out like, how, how do I express my gratitude? How do I stay connected to this? Whatever this was that intervened on me. So I dove really heavy into church and oh, man, like, just on fire, right? Like, I'm an Aries. So I do everything. 100% Maybe 110. And so, yeah, so I mean, I was just full on and, and I just couldn't figure it out, actually, because I might not as full as such joy. And I'd go and see these people in this church, and they were dour and, like, bitter and couldn't figure it out. Like then it didn't reflect my experience to resist. Yeah. So. So I, I guess I started moving further afield. I was like, Okay, well, I can't really find my people in this community church, but I'm pretty passionate and on fire. So is the next thing. Oh, I had another sort of lightning bolt moment in church one day where there was this missionary talking about, oh, you know, doing Ah, man, this is crazy. I haven't thought about this for a while either. He was doing Bible translation in Papua New Guinea way back, like meeting tribes that, uh, you know, but never seen people before. And it was like, I gotta do that. Like, I got it. I got to, like, go on the mission field. Yeah, like, that's the thing. Yeah. And I knew I knew some missionaries that were doing work in Africa, and pardon me in Uganda. And they had had this trip planned. And, and, you know, I just went to them, and I was like, I'm supposed to go with you. I don't know. Like, you know, this trip has been planned for a very long time. And, you know, there's, but we'll check it out. Right. We'll check the tickets. See if there's space. And they call me back? No, no, you can't go like there's this flight from, oh, it was Rome to Addis Ababa, where it was like, fully booked, like, there's no way and I was like, Okay, well, you know, I think I'm supposed to be going. I had no money. I had just graduated from massage therapy school. Like, there was no godly earthly reason that I should be thinking I should go on this thing. But I just knew. And anyway, so I said, Well, you know, just carry on check, maybe check again. And so they found again, the travel agent and one seat had opened up from that leg. And I was like, Okay, what kid I'm going I had no money. Anyway, money came in and it was quite a thing. And I was still smoking at that time, which is interesting smoking cigarettes, and I couldn't I wasn't allowed to do that right big church anything. So that was like in a in one night of like a prayer with them because I couldn't kick it. I went and poof like, that was it. And now so another cigarette. So anyway, went to this crazy trip with all these people, it was just like nuts like people when you take them out of their comfort zone, right when we go out of our nice cushy lives into basic squalor, right? Living on top of one another 24/7 It's like, excuse my language turns into a shit show. Really? Yeah. Yeah, all the personality stuff comes out. But, but something really, like really substantially shifted in me on that trip and Uganda for three weeks where it was like, there's more to this life than just what we can accumulate and how I look and those types of things, right. I mean, we went to like the northern border of the Sudan, where refugees were fleeing the Lord's Resistance Army. I think it was called and this the stories these little tiny people were telling were just awful. So anyway, so that just like shifted me and then I was totally on the missionary trail.

Mark Laurie: 11:12

Yeah, this is great. I had no vision, this the categories you're getting into this is wonderful. So you're there for three weeks, and you came back and you had two different mission.

Phoenix Stonechild: 11:20

Yeah. So then I got hooked up with Have you heard of Samaritan's Purse? Yes. We've done fundraising for them, actually. Yeah, so I got connected. Uh, sorry. I'm just chilled may continue your good continue. Yeah, I got connected with them was like one of these synchronistic moments like my life has been full of them. Somebody knows somebody connects me. And the next thing I know, I'm doing like training to do eyeglass clinics in third world nation. So like I'm a pseudo optometrist, we learn how to give eye exams in the field, all those glasses that go to Lions Club, your old glasses, we take them down. We fit them on people right there and some rambly field on the side of like cement building. Right, right. And so I mean, I went on many teams, and we also did the shoe boxes, the Christmas shoe boxes. So. So I left I was part of teams from youth teams to Trinidad and then like, adult different church teams to Nicaragua, and then a few other places, oh, a trip to Argentina with a youth group. And then I got asked through Samaritan's Purse to go on this water filtration, installation trip to the Brazil to the Amazon. So there's this guy, it's the professor. Gosh, I can't remember his name. I'm sorry. from Calgary. He had invented these bio sound water filters. I know we've, we've done that as well. Oh, it's fantastic. It is

Mark Laurie: 12:54

It's incredible.

Phoenix Stonechild: 12:55

It's in it. That was another just amazing trip. Right? So we go it's, I don't have to you can look them up look up by old sound water filters for listeners. Because but but you know, we like took these big cement vases essentially, and loaded up this river bow with all of these, like 20 and 30 pound bags of gravel and sand and onto the Amazon. We go up the Amazon River. It looks like the flippin ocean. It's insane. And you go when you go and you go and go. And then we went up these little tributaries to these little villages and installed these filters. And it was like clean water. Amazing. The shift in the quality of life of people just have clean water and water.

Mark Laurie: 13:38

Yeah, it's we can't imagine here on a daily basis.

Phoenix Stonechild: 13:43

Yeah, like we took like dirty, awful groats with river water that like everybody cleans and washes and everything in orange and the top one in these bio sand water filters. And like by this time, it's working for a while and you open it up the bottom and drink clear water, drink clean, clear water out the bottom. And you can really Oh, it's like nuts. It's magic to me. Yeah. And you could see like the people that were then well, because they didn't have sicknesses due to dirty water. Were there, their kids, they could work. They could go and gather and garden and keep their homes clean. And their kids could like go to school and you know, it's just fascinating. And lots of scary stuff like tarantulas and poisonous snakes and alligators and huge bugs and all that great stuff, too. Yeah. So but the cool thing there was then the people because I had such as divine intervention that broke in on my alcohol use and all of that kind of stuff. I was really passionate about that and helping people and the people that were hosting us there. They wanted to open up there. So was it a, like a, basically a treatment center for for men on the side of the river and this land that they had? And so I'm like, it just felt like, yeah, we're doing that. I'm gonna be part of that. And so then I, that's hilarious. They get so excited about all these things, right? This is like, over might have been 2008. And like a while ago. So then, yeah, so then I went full on, okay, this is what we're doing. We're doing like, I'm doing, I was married at the time, it's like, we are doing this. We're gonna do this. And we're like, going and go and get training to be full time missionaries in the field. And so we went to why wham, have you heard of this? You haven't heard of that? No, youth Youth With A Mission? It's called. Those who know of it will know it those who don't necessarily say, but so we went there, and then the wheels fell completely off the wagon, like, you know, it's, it's one thing to have a spouse in an environment in which you know, them as one thing, right. And then when you go into another environment, where all the insulating factors are no longer there you go, Oh, this is actually the person that I married.

Mark Laurie: 16:24

God, okay.

Phoenix Stonechild: 16:26

And that it just completely fell apart. Like, there was no save in it, whatsoever. And that that was a huge crisis of faith for me, because like we were, we were, like, on outreach. We were like, in the middle of Tonga at this point. Kingdom of Tonga. Have you heard of this? Like, yeah, north of New Zealand. Yep.

Mark Laurie: 16:52

Yeah, I'm north of nowhere, kind of. Yeah. Yeah,

Phoenix Stonechild: 16:55

it's its own kingdom still has its own, like royalty. So it hadn't been colonized. But that's where the wheels fell off. We were there. Basically, I got kicked off the island, survival stuff style. They was crazy. They thought it was a witch and all this and guy was married to wasn't standing up for me and blah, blah, blah. So that really got kicked off. No, he had to go with me. But he was, he was like, not trying to be kicked off, anyhow. But a huge crisis of faith because like, this is the thing that I anchored to, right. That and, and in my construct at the time, and it was associated with church and this path. And if I get divorced, I am not acceptable on this path anymore. And plus, like when I made those vows, they were, like, very important to me. Yeah. I mean, very, it's the only thing I hadn't effed up in life was marriage, really. But here it was effing up Solon. So anyway, I'm kind of glib about it now. But it was a hard time. Like when when I went home, and it came out that that I was leading in awe of scarlet letters, and I had some boys somewhere and all like, it was just awful. It was awful. My family actually even like to circle the wagons around him. And well,

Mark Laurie: 18:22

yeah, I saw the underbelly of the church, so to speak, like, oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. This is the dark side of the church. Wow.

Phoenix Stonechild: 18:30

Yeah. Yeah. I was getting letters from members of the church. And I was like, I, you guys know me. You've known me for 10 years, like, what do you think? Oh, yeah. So that was hard to just have people believe the worst of me. You know, even after all this time of trying to do it, right. Yeah.

Mark Laurie: 18:47

Like they know you so well, and I was confused me because because you know, this person. Would you think they would do that?

Phoenix Stonechild: 18:55

Yeah. Well, I mean, it was a thing, like the guy was married. Wow, there's lots of factors. It doesn't matter. But he had lived in that community long time. Big ranch or three sections, like, Oh, whatever. And my parents were used to, and my family in general, I think we're used to seeing me as the screw up, right? Because they were like, you know, families kept secrets then too, right? Like my brothers. My brothers never knew about all the stuff that had happened to me, because my parents would never have shared that. Like it was secret. So my parents, my brothers would just see my behavior and go, Well, what's wrong with her?

Mark Laurie: 19:31

Yeah, he's off the deep lots actually. no context, actually. Yeah, there have been no context to

Phoenix Stonechild: 19:38

Yeah, any rain? Yeah. So um, but you know, I was like, I'm determined to finish this out. And so I went back on my own I got this sort of sense from Spirit to like, Come out, come away with me come back to me back to like this training on my own and finish it. Anyway, through that time, I really He realized like, okay, faith is great. And all of these organizations that are really trying to help people are great. And we need people with boots on that actually know how to deal with things in a therapeutic manner. Like he can't just pray away decades of trauma. Yeah. Like you just can't. I mean, I mean, I guess you can but people, you need a pathway, right? You need somebody to come alongside and hold your hand and go, Yeah, I've stepped into the dark places too. And you know what, it's okay. Yeah, we're not let's go shiny happy people. Yeah, like,

Mark Laurie: 20:40

they gotta do the work. The cotton's got it, somebody's gotta give you the assignments and help you do the work.

Phoenix Stonechild: 20:46

What just walk it with you, you know? And so yeah, and I was like, okay, so I came back after that. Like that when that one was trip was like, kawaii and then we went, Oh, Panama. And Costa Rica. No, Panama. Yeah, Panama into the Darien Gap into the jungle where they like run drugs, right between the Colombia and yeah, I was. I was in there on a tiny little river boat back as far as you can go on that trip. Anyway, came back from that. And I was like, Okay, I gotta, I gotta go find a counselor. I gotta do. I'm like, such a mess inside, like so much pain.

Mark Laurie: 21:26

But you as I'm listening to, you have never left the frontier girl. Like you're, you're like a sheepdog. Like you're the you're going from Frontier country to frontier country that can be places where people don't normally step and see you haven't really left the dangerous zone. I mean, you you've adapted along the way and you've improved yourself, but you're still constantly in this place to fight or flight.

Phoenix Stonechild: 21:52

That's accurate. Yeah, thinking whole time. It's the heroic. Right. Yeah. But that's the thing about when you're in trauma, and your nervous system is always in fight or flight. It feels normal. So calm is crazy.

Mark Laurie: 22:07

You're actually seeking your subconscious is actually seeking out more situations that mirrored where you're at in grade two. Yeah,

Phoenix Stonechild: 22:16

for sure. Yeah. And so then, at

Mark Laurie: 22:19

the point where you said, I got to stop the frontier girl stuff.

Phoenix Stonechild: 22:23

Well, no, not even I would say, I'm still a frontier girl now, but I'm just I don't know. We'll figure out words to put with that now, later when we get there. But yeah, so I just, I just was like, I found a counselor. And FEMA must seem like, Oh, she's got a lot, because he agreed to give me six sections at a cut rate, right? Because I was like, I was still in the process of deciding whether I should get divorced and blah, blah, blah. But he was like, so helpful, and so non judgmental. And one of the things he had me do was like, do a like a timeline of my life and put like, little turning points, sort of kind of what we're doing here and put it down on paper and write down on there, you know, what happened and what I was feeling and what I needed. And I did it all. Huge. Like, I don't know, a pathway of horror, and went, Well, no wonder no wonder I'm having a bit of difficulty. Just Perhaps this is why I'm not aligned with all these other people that I see having normal happy, shiny lives, right? Yeah. Yeah. And so then I said, Okay, well, this is great. I can be of service in this way. I will go and get my counseling degree. So that I can be one of these people that have worked boots on and help. Because somebody spoke something over me. There was lots of good things about my mom, too. I would say, one of a person spoke something over me and said, that I'm paraphrasing. You will you will go to the places that people cannot go, you will touch the hearts of those that cannot be touched. That's kind of like a prophetic word. Right? Like, artists cases, kind of something like that. Yeah. I took that to heart It strikes me now even when I remember that was like, wow, so So I get my master's degree in counseling and said about helping the worst of the worst and worked in a drop in center for a while. Mike saw some pretty nasty stuff there. Did my internship for my master's degree in an inpatient treatment facility in Arizona. sober way home. It was Like, featured on ad and he's like, what was the intervention?

Mark Laurie: 25:04

That's it? Yeah. Yeah.

Phoenix Stonechild: 25:07

That's the thing saying this I've like, well, yes, I have been very impulsive. Because Because I saw it. I saw it on TV. Like I was watching intervention a lot and kind of like a cool show at the time and, and it came on this place a sober way home and it was like this goof, like a little poke in my head from spirit. Like, that's for you. Go there. I was like, okay. So I went learned to do right spirit prompts me, I go and do it. And so I phoned them up and was like, hey, I want to come down, do my internship. And next thing I know, I'm like, packing up my little car and drive in Arizona. Yeah.

Mark Laurie: 25:45

You seem to really, it truly are guided by your gut, by your instincts. Like you your instincts. You trust them. There seems if they pop up with something, under whatever guise from religious to spirit, whatever, guys, your instinct pops up into it, you've got the faith yourself to follow it. That's amazing.

Phoenix Stonechild: 26:05

Well, I think I've developed that. One, the one thing that kind of pushed me even more in that direction is a this was sort of earlier on, while I was still with the person I was married. We had a friend who lived on her place, and she had cancer, and she was battling it for a very long time. And, you know, she was living far beyond what any doctor had said, was going to be her prognosis, right? And one day I was I had that prompting, like, go visit Judy. And I got busy with something I don't know. And I didn't. I didn't go to visit Judy. And Judy died that day. And it's emotional. Like I I didn't really know her all of that. Well, like, it wasn't like, I'd known her for years, or we were tight or anything. But it was like, wow, that's a missed opportunity. They're like, I will never go to say hi to Judy again. Yeah, and I met a value that and I missed it. I missed the prompting. I didn't follow it. Right. And I don't know even to this day, what would happened in that visit with Judy. But I know that I I'd missed it. And I knew distinctly that I had been prompted to go so I kind of made this vow I will never, ever again say no to that property.

Mark Laurie: 27:27

It came as a book or as it eludes with the title of it was but one of the points of the book was that it's a sea of people out there like this massive number of people that come out. And every now and then someone you notice, like you for some reason, they pop up and you notice them, okay, since you've you've lost them for a reason you should go and ask because they popped up. And people are stumbled keep on popping up until you kind of act on or else the moment is past me. Like you say you yell about what three beliefs Tao guide you. core beliefs guide you well

Phoenix Stonechild: 28:08

to choose love over fear is like I would say, just the absolute guiding principle. And from you know, it was like, mystery, another sort of year of laboring in grief, right, like my master's had finished. And I was trying to do the work and set things up and get a private practice rolling or something. I'm like, wow, I have like this university degree and I have no money. It's

Unknown: 28:41

not gonna work. Yeah.

Phoenix Stonechild: 28:43

And I mean, I think I still was looking outward, right, like trying to fix what was inside by fixing the reflection of me and other people. Right? And then that, you know, all all non truths eventually shatter.

Mark Laurie: 29:02

Like that. That is interesting.

Phoenix Stonechild: 29:04

It's true. Like, that's like, whatever illusion you're operating under, it will eventually shatter. And mine very much did and I, I did when I would call laboring in grief, or a year where I finally realized like, Oh, my idea of this church thing doesn't exist. It's in my head. The end, like the people that I thought, like, just basically just, it's just me, it's just me here. Yeah. And it was, you know, they talk about that, I think, actually in the Bible about laboring in grief. And it was, it was like that it was like travailing or something like just heaving with grief, like goes birthing something new. And at the end, I mean, I would go to the grocery store, Mark, and I'd be like, in the apples, like choosing to produce and just start all Li and I mean, what do you do? You still gotta live and eat All right, so, like I just got accustomed to okay, this is what's happening. I'm crying and I'm shopping, whatever. And people are like, wow, I know you're you okay? And I'd be like, Man, I'm good, whatever. This is just what happens

Mark Laurie: 30:14

to my life.

Phoenix Stonechild: 30:15

Just becoming comfortable with emotion, right? It's almost like you know, 30 years or whatever of subvert subverted pain, just coming out, nothing to do, but let it come to the end. So, at the end of all of that, I was like, the only thing that makes sense to me is love. Like fear doesn't make any sense to me. Anytime that I've ever operated in fear. It's brought me nothing but pain and anguish. So, I mean, I can't even understand the thought process I went through. But that was like, love. I'm just, it's just got to be about love. Because there's two ways to operate in fear or in love. And if I'm going down, I'm gonna go down in love. Yeah,

Mark Laurie: 31:00

What are your other beliefs. Um so

Phoenix Stonechild: 31:11

Well, one that I've come come to life same more recently, because I went on a totally other trajectory from church like, I'm on I'm on a shamanic path now and like, very much connected in that regard. Very much more like open to spirit in all forms and and spiritual guides, if you will, an animal messengers, and I'm thinking in my head, oh, that sounds nuts. But whatever it is to

Mark Laurie: 31:45

address it. We had one of my clients was a Wiccan, which I think she was. And so she went through a process of having your most for demo. Our animals speak to us. Yeah, it was it was a fascinating sting journey to go through that. Yeah. I recognize, but that was fun.

Phoenix Stonechild: 32:06

Yeah, I'm getting more. But you know, like conditioning is a significant thing, like the programming that we have when we're younger. It really sticks in those neural pathways. Yes, you know, and so. So like, there's almost like two halves of me going on, like, I know that in this direction towards trusting spirit, trusting my intuition, looking or receiving synchronistic messages from the Divine through nature, through animals, through everything, whatever. I know that that is truth. Right? I mean, I can't deny that because that has happened to me. I've mentioned a few here. But that has happened to me literally hundreds, perhaps 1000s of times in my life in smaller ways, in bigger ways. So there's no denying that this is not some person trying to lead me down a trail that's like, you know, a supernatural experience, right? And not while I was high. That's just under logic. It's been me. I've been sober, like 28 years now or 29. Anyhow. So that's, like, undeniable. But then there's that old part of it. one's brain and patterning and conditioning that goes, Oh, that's crazy. Right? Like, that's not, you know, that's off the wall, blah, blah, blah, like, what? What are you smoking? That kind of thing. But I'm getting more and more comfortable with well, okay, if people perceive me that way, that that's okay. Like, it's not my business, like I don't, I can't shift their perception. It's a waste of time trying to do that. So yeah, there's

Mark Laurie: 33:56

a, there's a huge power shift that happens and noticed, when people recognize that what other people how other people see them, is irrelevant to who you are. Yeah. And that you've and the journey is to see yourself through your own eyes, not through the world. Sometimes you have to sort of be aware of how the world sees you. Because if you're trying to accomplish something, you've got to, to mold that image. But then what you got to be recognize yourself. Yeah, it's a hard thing to do, because we're we're also conditioned to have other people control us through work leads and, and usually not sure our benefit.

Phoenix Stonechild: 34:39

Well said, well said, to see yourself that's our work for sure to see ourselves more accurately is,

Mark Laurie: 34:46

and it's kind of going my belief is that you don't you're and you're a graphic example of that. You're never the same person. Like if I can, I can see if I put the work in. I saw who I was, and to 15 years ago and go that's done. Yeah, do myself I got the image. And then one day a kind of wake up a bit was a hills and sky. Yeah it's it's more often it's changing and there's resistance at times but it's a journey to dig into that.

Phoenix Stonechild: 35:18

That's really interesting what you're saying there because part of this journey I've been on and in part of like this growing awareness like more more pinpoint, I moved out to BC four years ago was like such a great choice because there's lots of weirdos out here. You can explore all the stuff you want. But But this so part of this shamanic path or whatever, I don't know, labels, they're weird, even. But is. And what's coming to me lately is like, there's the we have a storyline that we tell ourselves, right? Yeah. Like, even like, that's the first thing you ask, okay, what's the story of you? Right? And so you go, Okay, well, this is the thing, and this is the dinner, right? And, and every person has a through line, like, a theme of like, what's taken them from their, to their, to their, to their, to their to this link this link. So whatever you believe about yourself at like eight or 10 years old. Generally speaking, we just carry that through line all the way through to the story, up to our 40s 50s and beyond. And without ever questioning, like, is that really the story of me? Is that really me? We just carry it. And we just keep creating that, that theme that through line in every other experiences we come across, right? Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, we just play it out. If you believe in manifesting, we're just like, projecting the image onto the, you know, frame and just like seeing it snapshot after snapshot. We've

Mark Laurie: 37:04

done this our 60s and right now. And I asked the same kind of questions, find find the persons theme. And it's exactly that we see what started in their youth. As has been. You can pin all the stuff that's happened today. From back then.

Phoenix Stonechild: 37:18

Yeah, but what I've realized lately, and I'm doing with very significant determination, and focus is to just decide to create a new story. Like, literally, we can just drop that idea of ourselves, anytime. Like we literally can. And oftentimes, we think, oh, like, we're building our lives, like some kind of puzzle and every piece has to fit.

Mark Laurie: 37:52

Right? Lego construct. Yeah, like the single boxes. Yeah,

Phoenix Stonechild: 37:57

but the thing is, and this kind of goes to you shifting timelines, that kind of language or quantum leaping or whatever. The thing is, is that the next, like frame of our lives, the next piece of our story, actually doesn't have to fit the last puzzle.

Mark Laurie: 38:16

That's profound. That's true. You know,

Phoenix Stonechild: 38:19

like, if we're working with little inch, two puzzle pieces, like say the, you know, the pretty ones with Christmas puzzles stuttered that. Like, the next piece of our puzzle in the next part of our storyline can actually be this gigantic, bold, jagged edge ID, psychedelic colored puzzle piece that blows that puzzle out of the water, like it doesn't even have to fit. We don't have to figure out how to go from here to there. We just can. Oh, this is the new next thing poof.

Mark Laurie: 38:52

This is, I woke up and became this.

Phoenix Stonechild: 38:55

So maybe that's another thing to that, I believe, like you can really create yourself, right?

Mark Laurie: 39:01

Yeah, we develop it. It takes either dramatic circumstances or a bold person to make a change. Because we're, we're comfortable. And so if you're going to make a change, something has to happen like in your life, this form of intervention, we're going to how it fits into it external or whatever, or you just go comfortable. And you kind of like, well, that's a lot of effort. To do one, do I want it? That's a whole invention thing. That's it suggests work and possible failure and about as he selected me to go, I know this person, I like this kind of this person. If I reinvent myself, you know, it could go horribly wrong. I could get my Frankenstein. Well, as opposed to crater.

Phoenix Stonechild: 39:53

Yeah, I mean, I think that is in my experience with myself and working with others like everyone worked with many, many hundreds of other people with trauma. And that's the gift of trauma. And we always talk about post traumatic stress. But there is a thing called post traumatic growth. And the thing of people that have stuck have suffered earth shattering life shattering trauma is that they are unafraid to like bust apart what is not working because you when you've already suffered the worst What is there to harm you? Yeah,

Mark Laurie: 40:29

you never heard I'm excited I've never heard that phrase before. Yeah,

Phoenix Stonechild: 40:34

post traumatic growth. It's the thing

Mark Laurie: 40:37

is, is a it to me it's not a popular thing. Because of course media doesn't like we're kind of stuff that's positive. It's no boring. Let's go more traumas get those things out. Yeah.

Phoenix Stonechild: 40:49

Let's freak everybody out. Yeah, that's,

Mark Laurie: 40:52

that's wild. It's wild.

Phoenix Stonechild: 40:55

But it's you know, it's it's a difference I think between something that you said about guy you look yourself in the mirror and you say I kind of like this person. That's pretty awesome, isn't it? To be able to say that? Yeah. I

Mark Laurie: 41:09

think you go through 100 years ago, I was wanting to do a story on my concept was the the Aquarius, that whole sky that when we're just disappear my brain. It's like not Scientology. The other one with the planets with the Aries and Aquarius. Sagittarius, that whole realm of

Phoenix Stonechild: 41:38

stuff. Yeah, like zodiac sign. Astrology X.

Mark Laurie: 41:41

There we go. Yes, astrology. So I was ready to book my theory was all just write this book. But if you read my book was that they would be the characters were real people. And they just suddenly made the zodiac signs based on what these who these really people were, though. I started researching, I found this really thick book that was really detail, I realized I'd actually come across a very deep tomb about, you know, the Zodiac things. Right? And, of course, he first you do is you read your own thing, right? It's like 20 pages long. And so the first half was all the good stuff. Yeah, creative. Yeah. This, it's all good. Things over here is the dark side of Jiu Jitsu. They look at that and go, and not in many to anybody what they were, I'm looking at going. Oh, yeah, that's pretty, right. That's my little thing. There. That's it. Yeah. That's, so I hit all the dark stuff as well. where I'm going with this, I believe, for instance, that you, you could look in the mirror and see yourself superficially. And then you poke a bit more, and you finally have comfort place where you're sort of looking at under, under all the rugs that you've shoved dirt to you just kind of like, Yeah, I'm kind of comfortable with school, I pursue itself to me. And then at some point, you decide to get comfortable with the with the dark side of you the part that also shaped you. Yeah, and that's when you really meet who you are, is when you sit back and say, Okay, so like the angel on me, but you know, I can live with the devil as well. Like those those things. Yeah, that's, I think, when you acknowledge and acknowledge and accept. And if you just need that point, you can decide what to work on. And you sit back. Okay, so that's, apparently I'm not particularly spit in the dark for too long out, particularly like it. So now that I see it, I can change it. Now that I'm aware of that it's part of me. Actually, I think that's the only time you can start to change it. Because you see it, you have to see yourself, like yourself, then decide your worth, but make that sort of change. And those blocks. And so I'll make this up as I go. So I'm a photographer writes,

Phoenix Stonechild: 43:38

yeah. Oh, you work in light and shadow, right? I do. Yeah. And I work in light and shadow in the psyche. Like, what you're talking about is, you know, the parts of yourself, you don't like its shadow, it's disenfranchised parts of ourselves that that aren't actually bad. But just that at some point in our lives, we received the messaging that that part of ourselves was not okay. So then it jumps in, it moves into the rebellious aspect of that, or quality of that characteristic, right, and we shove it in the back. And so yeah, but he wants the light all the time. And so if we don't acknowledge that part of ourselves, whatever it is, it acts out in terrible teenage ways, right to say, Hey, I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. For me, one of those was power. Being powerful, was bad. Being powerful and bold and outspoken and not a pretty little nice little girl. Submissive girl. That was bad. Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. Wow. So it would come out that shouted apart, all in aggression most of the time or anger or rage, right, because it's the only time that it was allowed to break forth. So I've been doing some work now with sacred plant medicine and doing these journeys, deep journeys. And, man, one of the first ones that I took I was really dark, like really, really dark like, what? Like, yeah, I'm like, like a panther walking through the forest. And they're in the jungle. And I'm just like, I'm in control of everything and like go into the mouth of the snake down into the depths of the tomb like something that looks like from Mordor, like that is experiencing this. But sensing, like, my full power in that place, like all of this terrifying stuff going on around me, but I was like, unshaken, like I was powerful, the most powerful in that whole equation. And that was like, Wow, that's amazing. Because that what I perceived as a negative thing. When that is used purposefully, in a way to serve the light is an incredible gift, right? So it's like, as deep as you can go. Is it as high as you can go? Yeah, pretty cool stuff. Yeah, so I'm learning. I'm learning to love all the parts of me.

Unknown: 46:15

All of the parts of you. Yeah. That's quite the journey.

Mark Laurie: 46:18

I'm going to wrap this up on that and we should do. I'll talk to a show it just on that topic. I think that'd be

Phoenix Stonechild: 46:27

Oh, I'd love to come back. Right. Yeah, like we only got to like 35 Six years old. Oh,

Mark Laurie: 46:33

I know. It's been. It's been great. But it's been really insightful. It's been most insightful pieces I really enjoyed. So thank you for your time and thank you for authenticity and opening up. That was a that was bold of you. I appreciate.

Phoenix Stonechild: 46:47

Thats me. Aries Rammy, Ramey. Thanks, Mark. He's lovely to be with you.

Mark Laurie: 46:53

We're going to have for the audits. In the bio section, you'll have a bit more about her to do some links, she'll put it out you can kind of reach out and see more about her. And thank you so much for your time today. Appreciate you hopping on the air.

Phoenix Stonechild: 47:04

Yeah, thanks so much. Have a great rest of your week.

Mark Laurie: 47:07

I will.

Exit speaker: 47:10

This has been fascinating women with Mark Laurie. Join us on our website and subscribe at fascinating women does he a fascinating women has been sponsored by inner spirit photography of Calgary, Alberta and is produced in Calgary by Lee of us and my office media.