Fascinating Women

Liza Lomax - Body image coach - Medium- adventurer - positive driven - Joyful woman

August 12, 2020 Liz Lomax Season 1 Episode 20
Fascinating Women
Liza Lomax - Body image coach - Medium- adventurer - positive driven - Joyful woman
Chapters
Fascinating Women
Liza Lomax - Body image coach - Medium- adventurer - positive driven - Joyful woman
Aug 12, 2020 Season 1 Episode 20
Liz Lomax

Liza Lomax is widely spontaneous in this conversation. She talks about growing up as a people please to the level of becoming a doormat for others. How she realized the issue then fought to overcome that, to look after her self. 

Her intuitive gifts reached the level of being a medium, yes, seeing those who have crossed over. That created pause, bewilderment until she drew into it. 

Liza talks about how to tell your story and the power of doing that. She talks about her perfect day and explains her biggest dream, her personal disasters along with the lessons from them. 

She talks about fixing your self first and the power of the subconscious mind. 

She found an amazing partner and a Danish parent. it is a rich conversation you will enjoy.



Bio:  Liza Lomax is a Body Image Coach. She helps women who have yo-yo'd with their weight. Who have tried every diet fad and are still not happy with their reflection in the mirror. Help them heal their relationship with food and their bodies. She also helps them eliminate their negative self-talk/head trash, so they feel beautiful and confident. 


Connect with Liz at:

https://www.facebook.com/liza.lomax/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/liza-lomax-7b9625179/

https://www.instagram.com/lizalomax/

https://twitter.com/liza_lomax

To book a call with me:

https://www.talkwithliza.com

About Mark Laurie - Host.
Mark has been transforming how women see themselves, enlarging their sense of sexy, expanding their confidence in an exciting adventure that is transformational photography.
http://innerspiritphotography.com

Sound Production by:
Lee Ellis  - myofficemedia@gmail.com
Reach out to Lee for your Sound Production.

Show Notes Transcript

Liza Lomax is widely spontaneous in this conversation. She talks about growing up as a people please to the level of becoming a doormat for others. How she realized the issue then fought to overcome that, to look after her self. 

Her intuitive gifts reached the level of being a medium, yes, seeing those who have crossed over. That created pause, bewilderment until she drew into it. 

Liza talks about how to tell your story and the power of doing that. She talks about her perfect day and explains her biggest dream, her personal disasters along with the lessons from them. 

She talks about fixing your self first and the power of the subconscious mind. 

She found an amazing partner and a Danish parent. it is a rich conversation you will enjoy.



Bio:  Liza Lomax is a Body Image Coach. She helps women who have yo-yo'd with their weight. Who have tried every diet fad and are still not happy with their reflection in the mirror. Help them heal their relationship with food and their bodies. She also helps them eliminate their negative self-talk/head trash, so they feel beautiful and confident. 


Connect with Liz at:

https://www.facebook.com/liza.lomax/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/liza-lomax-7b9625179/

https://www.instagram.com/lizalomax/

https://twitter.com/liza_lomax

To book a call with me:

https://www.talkwithliza.com

About Mark Laurie - Host.
Mark has been transforming how women see themselves, enlarging their sense of sexy, expanding their confidence in an exciting adventure that is transformational photography.
http://innerspiritphotography.com

Sound Production by:
Lee Ellis  - myofficemedia@gmail.com
Reach out to Lee for your Sound Production.

introduction :

You're listening to fascinating women with Mark Laurie. And now, Mark Laurie. Hello

Mark Laurie :

Hi everyone it's Mark Laurie here from fascinating women usually I'm behind the camera for inner spirit photography but today I have Liza. Lisa

Unknown Speaker :

Liza

Mark Laurie :

listers I've been messing this up for a long time. I knew I get on here and do a do a thing for eyes actually, we're going to start again. I'm sorry.

Liza :

Okay.

Mark Laurie :

Liza - Hello, everyone. It's Mark Laurie here from fascinating women use I'm behind the camera at inner spirit photography, photographing pretty amazing women. But today I'm of course talking to some fascinating women. And Liza Lomax is my current Hot Seat guests Actually, it's not really hot seat. She's really a pleasant kind of girl. And Liza has been a really I had a conversation before we started and she has got a very interesting life journey that as cumulated into doing some coaching helping people out. So welcome Liza.

Liza Lomax :

Thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here.

Mark Laurie :

That's delightful. It's delightful. So tell us a bit about how you sort of frame your, your childhood, I guess, into what's happened today.

Liza Lomax :

So, right, so why I do what I do. So first off, I'm a body image coach. And so I help women love their bodies and love themselves. So I take them from that self loathing to self loving, and show them that it's not selfish, it's self preservation, because we really have to love ourselves and we really have to take care of ourselves before we can do to take care of anybody else or love anybody else around us. And as women, we're told at a very, very young age that we have to look a certain way we have to dress a certain way we have to be a certain way. society says that we have to you know, we have to do these things. And you know, our environment says these things and so it creates this not good enough story and it gets bigger and bigger and bigger and then it you know, it carries us into teenage years and then two adult years where we're completely messed up in the heads. I mean, as women, we're completely messed up. And we really are. I mean, it's more prevalent in women than it is in men because I know that there's some men that do have body image issues, but it's really prevalent in women. And so, my childhood so I came from you know, there wasn't a lot of loving it, there was not a lot of self compassion. There wasn't a lot of it was very verbally, mentally and physically abusive. And my mother suffered from mental illness and still does to this day. And so the whole concept of learning to love yourself learning to love myself, I never learned and I grew up being a you know, a caregiver and a doormat and a people pleaser, and I grew up taking care of everybody else around me, and I never took care of myself. And as a teenager I suffer from to EDI is I had anorexia and I went from one of the spectrum to the other. And at the time, by the time I was 26, I weighed 300 pounds. And here I'm 300 pounds in the doctor. Yeah, I mean, I was just I was I was I had no love for myself, I didn't care. I created this barrier around myself. And, you know, all the emotions and everything that I was feeling. And I, you know, the doctors telling me that I'm going to die if I didn't lose weight. And at the time, I had a two year old and he's now 19. I know I don't look old enough to be have a 19 year old but yes, I have an adult child. So anybody who watches this later, it'll be like, How old is she? Oh, but anyways, um, yes, he was two at the time and basically telling me that I wasn't gonna live to see him be turned five. And so I was like, well, I'll lose the weight. So in 13 months, I lost 105 pounds.

Mark Laurie :

Wow.

Liza Lomax :

Yes. However, I didn't change my mindset. And so I continue to yo yo And the thing about going into anything in life, whether you're losing weight, whether you're in a relationship, whether you're starting something, if you don't change your mindset prior to going into that you will continue to Jojo over and over and over. And I learned that lesson quite a few times in my life is yo yoing all the time. You know, I tried every diet pill, every diet, fad, everything out there. I tried. I mean, I've been there, done that I go through the magazines, I'd be like, Oh, I haven't tried that one. I'm gonna try this one. You know, I lose my gain. I lose my gain and I lose my game. And so about five years later, I really I hit rock bottom. And I was addicted to diet pills. I was a heavy drinker. I did things in my body nobody should ever do to themselves. You know, I was sexually assaulted at one time and had an abortion at one time. There was just so many things that pounded me into the ground. And I literally did not want to be here anymore. And I didn't think that I deserved anything. And I really, you know, like I said before I was, you know, I was a doormat I was a people pleaser. You know, I was the caregiver, I took care of everybody else. I never took care of myself. And so I really just, I hit the rock bottom and whether you believe in God, higher source, divine power, whatever it is you believe in, I really believe God was just telling me that I needed to change and something had to give. And so I really took a step ahead to take a step back and really, like, looked at myself and be like, Okay, well, how do I love myself? How do I learn how to do this? I have no idea.

Mark Laurie :

So you're up at this stage. So that's where a lot of people like that's where the dividing line is, is when people say, Okay, this is rock bottom. And then some people just kind of wallow there and then that rock bottom is different for different people. So what gave you What did you draw to say, I've got to, I've got to change and actually create the change what what was the, the strength that you found to do that?

Liza Lomax :

You know, I've just always had this knowing and I've had a knowing of myself you know, since I was a child I have an intuitive gifts I'm very intuitive. I've been a medium since I was five years old. So I've, you know, I've been able to see people that have crossed over I've had intuitive dreams, I've had prophetic dreams. I just always had this knowing that something's gonna happen. Something's gotta give, something's gonna change. And I just felt like even the smallest little piece of me was like, there's got to be something more to this life. There's got to be something there's got to be some reason why I'm, I'm here there's got to be some reason why I'm, I'm you know why I am the way I am or and I know that there's got to be people out there that that maybe I can help. You know, I learned this little a little bit later down the road once I started going through my transformation, but there was just always a part of me that was like, I knew something I knew. You know, I knew I had to change I knew something was something had to give. And you know, taking that step back and realizing Okay, this this this in this game of life we have to learn we have to learn how to love ourselves I'm like, I mean how do I learn how to love myself? I'm like I don't have no I have no clue I you know, I don't know. And so I went out and studied every self help book every guru you know everybody out there anything I could get my hands on that you know that show me how gave me some sort of direction?

Mark Laurie :

Yeah, do you have one that's that one that's more of your call it up. I guess a mentor for you. I'm not much actually connected with but she was up Atkins Okay, that that guy's words or that woman's approaches is what I'm getting model on. Everything else is kind of part of it. But here's one person I'm going to get a role model on or something like

Liza Lomax :

that. Mostly, it was just a combination of a bunch of people. You know, I really, Deepak Chopra was a huge person that I felt follow a lot Bernie Brown was a person I followed a lot. Oprah of all people, I mean, she just I love Oprah who doesn't love Oprah there you know, later on there was another person who was jen sincero she has some great books out there they're called How to be a badass. And she just tells it like it is and just says it like it is and just just very blunt and honest about things. And you know, I'm, I'm always priding myself of being honest, and being authentic and being real and raw myself, and so I really resonated with that. And so yeah, so I went and just I studied everybody and then the process, you know, I, you know, I got certifications and a bunch of different things in LP work, life coaching, Personal Training, holistic nutrition, a bunch of different things. I also have different modalities. I could do energy healing work and intuitive work. And because I wanted all these things, tools I knew I needed all these tools in my toolbox so that I could help other women. So I had all these tools to help other women whether they had the same story or had a story or you know, suffered from the same things that I you know, that I had to deal with.

Mark Laurie :

So when you're acquiring the tools, is that like a natural thing? Did you read the books and go live? Here's I can do what they're doing I can do what they're talking about. Like my way of thinking some people hit rock bottom is okay, I've got to change and it's a bit of a leap to go from I've got to change to I'm going to help people change because that's a whole new like as you're doing this whole arc thing for a lot of people simply struggling out of I'm going to change and have a wholesome life. I'm just gonna kind of get by to where Okay, so I've changed so when you did your changes it with the intent of how other people's lives are you think I'll fix this first then evolved into how?

Liza Lomax :

Yep, I just I didn't need to fix myself first. I think that that's everything in life. We need to fix ourselves first, before we help anybody else. However, I was helping other people in different different things, because I've been a life coach for a while. So I mean, I was helping other people in other aspects. But really, what do they always say the coaching, the coach needs coaching, too. And there's always something that comes up. We're onions, we have layers, we're always peeling off those layers. And so, you know, once I started telling my story, then other people are resonating with that. And other people were like, Oh, you should be doing that you should be helping other women do this, you should be helping other women go through this. And this

Mark Laurie :

process I'll use was a good thing for because I mean, just just in general, for people to tell their story like, like, not because they want to speak or change people's lives, but just to be able to say to the world, to friends to family, this is my story is how is that a valuable thing for people to do?

Liza Lomax :

Yes, very valuable. You don't know who you can touch you don't know who needs to hear that. You don't know what part of your story somebody might be. Hitting harder rock bottom than you are. And you just say one sentence or one word out of that. And it resonates with them so much that they're like, I need to change. I'm like you never, words are powerful. And you don't know you never know what you say. Or how you say it that can change another person's life.

Mark Laurie :

So when you tell your story, is the intent to help affect someone else's life? Or is it as healthy for you to tell your story?

Liza Lomax :

Oh, yeah. Because I mean, I've told it so many times, and I'm like, and I, I still am like, wow, I really can't believe how far I've come. I really can't believe how much I've accomplished. And how much of myself I found again, and and then telling my story and having other people affected by it. And they're like, Oh, my gosh, that's my story. That's like I need I need your help. Like, fix me, help me.

Mark Laurie :

Someone tells us stories. Is it a short dialogue kind of thing? Like, so we're just trying to get this. So we're talking to the audience who's maybe thinking, Oh, how do I tell my story? Like, who do I? Do I need a platform? Do I have to make it a long dialogue? Is it some hints how they can tell her story?

Liza Lomax :

Um, it depends on what kind of way you're presenting it. If you're obviously if you're like in, like, say, I'm just gonna use an example, if you're on it in a conference and you want to, you're doing a talk or something like that, you know, when I get up on stage, I always tell my story first, and then I do my talk. And you know, it's very powerful to tell your story and like I said, you don't know who might be in the audience that might be affected by that. So you know, telling your story you can be make it as long or as short as you want it to. It's however, whatever fills, you know,

Mark Laurie :

what other kind of guy comfortable I guess it's more during people aren't going to be speaking or a platform where that's part of the, the arc of of the presentation for it. Where would they? What kind of fun would they do? I guess it's just talking with friends you tell your story or how do you do a moment to get it out? Like, what's

Liza Lomax :

your first step? You know, Facebook, you can you know, tell your story on Facebook, you can do a YouTube video, you could you know, if you're involved in like, say I'm involved in a couple networking groups, and I go and speak at different chapters of those networking groups. And you can go and do that you can do speaking engagements, you can speak on any of the platforms. I mean, you can you know, whether it's a written out story or whether it's a video story, like a vlog, you could start a vlog which is a video blog, or do a YouTube channel into a series of videos. I mean, there's so many avenues of where you can get your story out and that there's there's that there is endless options there really is.

Mark Laurie :

And you said you're a medium? How does that? Do people go? Oh my god, just go read me twice twine your life because it's sort of mythical kind of thing. But Hollywood's taken it and turn it into a very unusual kind of creature. So how does that in your life or how you react to people?

Liza Lomax :

Um, you know, nobody has ever when I was younger, yes, I had to keep it a secret because I grew up in a very religious household. And, you know, that was a No, no, like, that's the devil. That's evil. And it wasn't until I was an adult. Till you know, I was able to like, you know, really like come out of my shell and talk about that. And, you know, at first people were like, Oh, no, you know, like, Oh, very leery about it, but much During the people around me were like, whoever was around me and was supportive and it was who ever resonated in my energy. Really just got it. They're like, Oh, yeah, I don't have a problem with that, you know, it's like, oh, you want to do a reading for me? Sure. Okay, you know, or do you see my great aunt Harriet, you know, standing behind me? I mean, I don't know. I mean, so it wasn't like, I didn't really have a lot of, you know, like, issues with people thinking that like, Oh, no, don't don't talk about talk to me about that. Or Oh, I don't want to know about my my future or anything like that. I never really experienced that. That's cool. I

Mark Laurie :

have a client in and she could also see people features and odds and ends. She was in Eastern Europe, and I can't recall the country but the only people who are allowed to actually be mediums and ply the trade was gypsies. Mm hmm. And if you weren't a gypsy and you have the ability, you just didn't do it there is there's vast repercussions to it. And so she when she came on Over here, so she took up electronics and became a coder. And then great lengths to kind of keep that quiet. She came over here, and she discovered that it's much more acceptable he didn't have, it has to belong to a particular sector of society to be able to do it, which is kind of wild.

Liza Lomax :

Yeah, yeah. And more and more people or more, if you really, if you've never experienced anything like that you're very leery about it. But majority of people have had some sort of, you know, experience whether it's like an intuition or whether just a knowing or something happened and they're like, they can't explain it. They don't understand, you know, or they had a loved one come and visit them in a dream and that felt so real. And I'm like, well, because it was real and you did actually see your, your, your relative, so but most people nowadays have had some sort of experience. They can't really explain it.

Mark Laurie :

Yeah, the unexplained won't be a perfect day for you. You will wake up one day Go this at the end of the day, this was the perfect day. What would that look like?

Liza Lomax :

Oh, perfect day. A Perfect Day would be I would be able to sleep in until whenever I wanted to take it up probably I probably would end up getting up about 930 10 o'clock and that would be really sleeping in because normally I get up about six 630. So sleep in, kind of take my time maybe get a workout in. Maybe just kind of because I meditate so do like maybe a longer session of meditating. go for a swim. I live on a lake. Maybe soak in the water for a while just kind of hang out. Maybe go for a boat ride. And, huh, what else would I do? Maybe have a bonfire and just kind of hang out with the people that I love and and then maybe, you know watch the moon I mean, I'm pretty I'm pretty simple it's like everything grandiose. What three beliefs God guided you through the years? Back to core beliefs that you go Oh, this is my mind norstar would they be my beliefs? Oh, goodness, oh, you're asking some good questions. Now. beliefs. Um, you know, when I had my transformation, I always one of my beliefs was, you know, being authentic and being real and being me. And so I pride myself now on being authentic. And, and and helping other women find their authenticity and finding, you know, who they really are and what they are really about what their purpose is, what their mission is here and why they're here. So, I would, I would say, my authenticity in other words, core belief. Oh my goodness. Wow. really put me on spot here. There's so many things I know there's so many things that I could you know, I can I, Oh, goodness. Can I come back to that one? I'm not sure

Mark Laurie :

we can come back. So what's your biggest dream? What is something you just you look back and say I accomplished that. What would that be?

Liza Lomax :

My biggest dream? Well, going forward, my biggest dream would be to be with my family. I know that we talked about this before. And I'm a Danish American, so and for a huge part of my life. My heritage was taken from me and was I thought was taken from me. And I came to find out that I'm always been a Dane, once a day and always a Dane, and I didn't, I don't have to go through the same process that most people have to go through. I just have to have like 100 has to be reinstated kind of my citizenship but I ended up relearning language again too as well. But that would be my you know, my long term my long term dream would be my goal would really to be back with my family over in Denmark goal for our like,

Mark Laurie :

hmm, legacy thing,

Liza Lomax :

legacy thing, just really being that support for people and I'm a good listener. I've always been a good listener and I've always been a good advice giver. And you know, when I listen to people, I really listen to them and I don't like listen to talk, you know, like how most people do is like we listen to say the next thing. But really listen to them and really hear what they're really saying and like, just be there for them and I I always like a lot of My stuff when I do a tagline, I always say, I'm here for you. That's always my thing is I'm here for you, whether it's you know, mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, I'm always there for that person. And so they know that they can turn to Me. So even when I'm not here ever again, you know, I'm always here. I really am always here and I'm always in our heart.

Mark Laurie :

That's pretty good. What's the most spontaneous thing you've done? yourself when you get it?

Liza Lomax :

Most spontaneous thing I've ever done.So I, I took a trip with my son, gosh, five years ago, and I've always like had this I love roller coasters. I love like the thrill of the excitement about things. I mean, I love roller coasters. Like I could ride on roller coasters over and over and over again and I always wanted to go ziplining and, but I was still I was I was nervous about it. I'm like, you're, you know, you're way high up, you're strapped to these things. Are they gonna hold you? Are they gonna? You know, are you gonna be safe while you're doing this? Yeah, it's like oh you know, but we Yeah, we did it and it was actually through the Ozarks and it was the most amazing experience. Ever. It was just beautiful. Freeing, it's like you feel like you're flying through the air. It's it was just, I get goosebumps when I when I talk about it. It just is very fresh. Clean.

Mark Laurie :

We went down there's one in I think it's the biggest one in North America. It's Scott think 17 or 22 stop stations all the way down the mountainside massive gorge and we had a storm coming in. The guy says if we don't get down to number four, then you have to walk you have to walk down Looks like it's too long. It'll take a half day get down. So we were going pretty quickly. But yeah, you're hanging out over this. I think in my case, we're about maybe 500 feet above the floor. Maybe not that high. But it was impressive

Liza Lomax :

Yeah, we, we were just we were on a road trip. dropped my camera, Oh, you dropped your camera?

Mark Laurie :

the fear of droping my cameas.

Liza Lomax :

Myfear of driving on camera

Mark Laurie :

is pretty.

Liza Lomax :

Oh, wow. Wow. Yeah, we had just gone for a road trip. And we're like, we saw it. And we're like, hey, do you want to do this? And he was like, 13 and he's like, let's do it. And I'm like, Okay, let's do this. So yeah, it was spontaneous. It's like, let's just do this. Let's go.

Mark Laurie :

Do you have any inspirational quotes you live by that? kind of hang on to you?

Liza Lomax :

Um, no, not really. No, not really. I use a lot of affirmations. So I'm big on to the I Am. So I am and whatever you put in, you know, behind that, as you know, is very powerful. It's like I am as a two most powerful words in English. Because anything you put on the other side of that has a huge negative or positive effect in your life. You know, if a person of a woman is saying, for instance, the saying, I am ugly, I'm ugly, I'm ugly, well, she's gonna look in the mirror and see nothing but ugly, you know, versus if you say, you know, I am beautiful, you know, I am gorgeous. It makes you set up a little bit faster, a little bit better, you know, your shoulders go back, your eyes are a little bit brighter. You You have a smile on your face. So, anything that says I am in a positive? No, excellent, huge typography.

Mark Laurie :

Okay, right. We will go through a session. It was amazing. And then it goes, Oh, yeah, but if you notice, then he'll talk about a droopy eye or pick things apart, right? I go you know, you're always a salesperson. And if you keep on telling people give you a compliments that no you're you're ugly and all this praise you're saying so eventually, your sales campaigns gonna work or they're gonna go. I think you're right. You went pretty ugly. All right. You have convinced them they need your ugly they go, Oh, I have not seen that coming. I should maybe not sell that picture. So yeah, so it's hard for people. It's a complex, isn't it?

Liza Lomax :

It's very hard for people to take compliments. It's, you know, especially women, you know, where, you know, I mean, you know, I say this a lot. It's like, okay, say you have this, this, this, you went out and bought this dress and you've had it for a while and you put it on, and you go out and somebody says, hey, that's a nice dress. And you're like, the woman's like, Oh my gosh, no, this is really old. It's really faded. It's just it doesn't fit me right. I'm like, oh, I've got you know, I got to lose some weight or Oh, I just don't feel comfortable in it. Bla bla bla bla. Just say yes, thank you. I love thank you for liking me in the stress. You know, I mean, it's like we have such a hard time accepting compliments. We have such a hard time being receivers because we're set up right away to be givers. And that's it, give, give, give, give give.

Mark Laurie :

and we're conditioned to not make ourselves stand out. I was at a course with them and what they had us do, we had a lineup, and we'd have people and we'd have to say something nice about the person in front of us. And then they couldn't say anything else. But thank you. Huh and so this one I have like 10 minutes and there's there's people afterwards that were would have were struggling. You see people come with me, and then sit down and with one guy was really where this girl who was really down herself, and he said, Okay, the next 15 minutes, here's what we're gonna do, is I'm gonna give you a compliment for 15 minutes. All you can say is thank you, I appreciate that. Thank you the whole time. And but you can see your whole posture changes as she's starting to acknowledge because that's when somebody gives you a compliment. They, you acknowledge it, it tells your body you agree with it, and it has an impact on to it. Which is which is really kind of Here's the other thing I've just thought of is that when someone gives you a compliment and you turn it down you're suggesting to them that their opinion is bad. Yes you know and and so becomes when you turn it off and now it's it's a two edged sword you're beating yourself up but you've also tell a person I don't like your judgment I think you really can't make a good judgement if you think I'm good luck in this dress nicer whatever kind of happens to which is what people think of that particular angle but it's

Liza Lomax :

yeah when I say yeah when you when you say negative things about yourself you're you're rejecting yourself you're telling yourself that you're not good enough the way that you you no way you are here and you're never going to be good enough so you completely reject that you're rejecting it from other people as well. We're trying to go

Mark Laurie :

what personality traits are you most proud of?

Liza Lomax :

personality trait I'm I'm a very loving person. You know, I'm, I have people that tell me that I lose love, like, I just lose it. And I just I'm, I'm a lover of people, I love to love people, I love to care for people. And I just love to make them feel acknowledged, appreciated and valued in life. Because that's all that we want, as we always want to be acknowledged for who we are, we always want to be valued. And we always want to be, you know, appreciated for the things that we do, and they compliment compliments we accomplishments we do. So, you know, I've worked in, you know, other businesses and things like that and works, you know, like for a while I managed a gym. And I made sure that every single person that walked in that walked in that room, you know, and through the door, felt valued, appreciated, acknowledged, and I memorized every single member's name. So when they come in the door, I'd say right away. Hey, Joe, how are you doing? Hey, Chris, how's it going? And I would, I would find out about them and I would ask them stories about it, you know, ask them to tell me stories about themselves and find out a little bit about them. So I knew that so I was always like, always had an intimate connection with all the members because that's just who I am and I love to get to know people and I love to hear their stories. So I'm yeah, I'm an I'm an EU user of love.

Mark Laurie :

So what trait Do you wish you had

Liza Lomax :

trait do I wish I had, ummmm Wow. Hmm. Probably be more tenacious, maybe, you know, be a little bit more. More stern. I think sometimes, I get I'm very spontaneous. And so I'm very lucky. Let's go with the flow let's just like do whatever whenever and maybe have more structure and more. The Eastern West with different things. Sometimes I'm like all over the place.

Mark Laurie :

Chaos. I had a photographer friend of mine, he was so cool. He is some clinical thing where he'd be focused stuff and you get a studio claiming his creativity was weak. And as he as a student moved towards chaos, his creativity got better and better and better. Just got more chaos. And then it would shift to too much chaos and his photography became weak again, because it was still there the most people because he was quite exceptional photographer. So that was the cycle. No chaos week photography, chaos mill, suddenly a perfect amount of chaos. Very good. Everybody could see there was like creativity possibilities. Everything just got too much. And his clients would call him up and so I just do like these days. I super clean. Come back a couple of weeks. He knew that his creative moment was when it was when it was just the right amount of chaos to work in. So I love that impression. It's funny, every time I place gets really chaotic, yeah, this is the right amount of chaos to be creative in. Which helps it grow. Do any books you're reading right now under? Really?

Liza Lomax :

Yes, I'm actually reading. And it's funny because every time I read a book, my partner's like you always say the same thing. You know a little bit about it, and you already know the things. So why are you reading it again? So I'm actually reading the the, what is it called? Oh my gosh, why did I just go blank? Basically, it's the power of the subconscious mind. The Yeah, the power of the subconscious mind. Can't remember the author who writes it, but it was written a while ago and it just talks about how you know our conscious mind is the controller of everything. And when we Say something our subconscious takes it as truth. Yeah, we and we believe it. So we internalize it. And so I started reading it. For one yes, I do know a lot of the, the techniques and things like that, because I use it in my own coaching, but it's just I wanted to see if there was anything in there, really more value. And there's, there's a lot of like, really cool stories that I never knew of. But you know, he tells a lot about different stories, and he kind of uses kind of uses religion and spirituality, which was kind of different because he talks you know, a little bit about, he says, some Bible scriptures in there, and then he talks about, you know, clear clairvoyance and clairsentience. And, you know, that kind of thing. So the woowoo is some people call it and yeah, it's, it's really, really interesting read and just knowing that like, any time that you say something, you know, whether it's negative, positive or whatever, you know, you're planting those seeds in your brain. So the next time that something like Like that comes up your subconscious is going to say, No, no, no, remember, you told us this, so you have to do this. And so it's really it's really fascinating. I'm always like, fascinated by the brain and why, you know, when we think those thoughts like, you know, what comes up for us? You know, I learned in my NLP that when I was going through my NLP training that some of the behaviors that I took on the I know that I had weren't even my behaviors I took them on from other people. So it made me It made me think it's like what other behaviors do other people have that aren't even theirs, but they think that they are there, their core beliefs, their core values, their limiting beliefs, but they they take them on and think that these are my beliefs, these are my These are my behaviors, but they're other people's behaviors. And I had two instances where I went through a technique and we weredoing some examples without They're members of the of the classroom. And I was like, it dawned on me, I was like, Oh my gosh, I'm like, that's not even my behavior. That was a behavior. That's a behavior of my stepfather that every time he did this, he did you know, he did X, Y, and Z. And I was I did the same thing. Every time I do this, it was like, I do the same exact pattern. And I was like, Oh my gosh, I'm like, so it's just it was so fascinating to know that like, even if it wasn't even my behavior, I took that on. Yeah. It's just it's it's, it's fascinating.

Mark Laurie :

Wow that just trigger a thought there was a the army down the stage was having probably how it's a it's a cannon that's attached these days to a Jeep, and you drive around, then two stops and you fire the mortars often zone, right. And they're trying to get to speed up so they could fire it quicker. But they'd reached a bottleneck, and they couldn't figure out why, on theory, it should be able to go twice as fast. So they hired an efficiency expert. He watched them and there's this guy gets up and he he Prime's the gun. And then before he fires he turns around touches the truck and comes back and then fires it. what's what's nice it's in the manual for a fire it got around it could be anything illnesses, but it's in the manual and we're soldiers are trained to do what's in the manual, step by step, right? You start researching, it turns out this particular piece was when the cannons were attached to horses, and they get rid of private. So before you fire, you reach over, you grab the horses reins, then you'd fire it so the horse couldn't take off, right. So when they when they revamped the stuff to mobilize, they forgot to take out the part where you grabbed the rains and they just lay back touch the vehicle because they're just grabbing and touching whatever kind of stuff. And this has gone from the Civil War all the way through, and no one rushed in because of this, this was what you do. And just that triggering thing where it's, it's, you just, I find a lot of stuff fits in with his whole Black Lives Matter and we too and so on. There's things that You have, like you're saying that where you it's not your habit. This is very rare. I mean, for example, if I had a client who was in from the old country, and I was getting pitches from people immigrants are always the same they're like, heavy coats and they were sort Swati kind of people. And I never thought much about it but so my brain goes oh, that's what immigrants look like they're all the same. And and someone got in this conversation and she said, Oh, why do you think that I got online went back to my thought she says Well, you see the people come over as immigrants they've lost everything in their eating habits aren't great so you know they'll have good food or go so they want to take on this average bill. But the wealthy and the average people that country who don't want to leave it Why would they they look like everybody else. And so you wind up by these photographs and impression of something then we don't really think about like you're making a judgment it's just you see stuff coming in. It's not it's not really qualifies not really doesn't mean anything. And all sudden you realize that it's now part of you. It's colored your worlds. Yep. Which is just neat. So those things kind of keep on bumping occasionally when you go, oh, man, I don't believe that workouts I come from. Yep. You know, you're, you're reacting to it, which is really kind of just really kind of wild. So you're looking forward to becoming Danish again, I you know, you leave the Americans behind, you're gonna see you're gonna live, they're probably gonna take your family with us. You have a partner as I recall. Yes,

Liza Lomax :

I am going to be leaving America. Yes. I mean, I have family here. So obviously, come back. We're here, right? Go back and forth. On I've been going back and forth to there for a long time and just I miss my family. And you know, every time I've gone there and I step off that plane, it's like the second I'm off the plane. I feel like I'm at home. And every time I leave, I just feel like a part of me stays there. And it's part of me, parts of me have been stuck there four times. I know Them back I want those back to go and get them right

Mark Laurie :

You have an usual life because it's been a series of about faces from you know kind of growing up and having to face things and I want this I want to become this you know the having given birth to the young age find your job the part that you found your your nationality you've had a continuous flow of pretty seismic changes that the right tourelles like, Oh look, we're gonna adjust course now we're gonna turn completely around to be a 360 thing. We're gonna take this left hand corner that kind of goes over what has been your biggest failure?

Liza Lomax :

Um, oh, I wouldn't say it's necessary. It might be a failure in some people's eyes. Pardon me it is but I don't, you know, part of me is and it's not You know, because I was raised in such the dynamics of what I was raised in Mom, you know, me and my sister were were like, we took it to the extreme and went the opposite direction was like, over loving to our children, especially me, I was like, over loving, I was over in our train, I was over this and I was over that. And I, you know, I, I divorced, you know, my son's dad at a at a young age when he was very young. And, you know, for me, I was like, I needed to not escape, but I needed to find myself and I needed to find who I was. And so I distanced myself. You know, from that, you know, we shared we start shared custody, and he would bring them up and bring him up every weekend, and I would see him every weekend. But I had this in my mind, I had this mindset that I'm not a bad I'm a bad mom. I'm not a good mom, because he's not with me. full time, you know, and it took me a lot of years to get over that to realize that like, every family has different dynamics, every family's different. You know, in our relationship, I always felt like I was the husband and he was the was the wife Really? Because for one, the reason why I mean, there's a lot of other reasons, but it was like, I mean, my child was 11 one when he was born, so he was a massive, ginormous child. And so I had to have a C section. And so you know, there were things that I couldn't do. I was limited. I couldn't, you know, I couldn't walk up the stairs. I couldn't carry him because he was over 10 pounds, and he can only carry under 10 pounds. So I couldn't get down on the ground and change his diaper. I didn't change the kid's diaper for like, three months after he was born. I never changed a diaper until he was like three months old. So I never bonded with him. I never had that bond. I didn't you know, I didn't breastfeed. I didn't do all those typical things that most moms do. I didn't do any of that stuff. I basically housed this child in my belly and then here Go, you know, so But you know, I wouldn't trade him for the world. He's a wonderful, wonderful human being. I mean, just amazing, smart, intelligent, you know, young man. And, you know, I'm proud to say that I'm his mother. But I never really felt like I was a mom figure like what the typical mom was. And so for a long time, I did feel like I was a failure in that department because of the mindset and how society said that things had to be. And it took me a long time to get over that there was like, this is just the way it was. This is just the dynamics of the relationship and this is just how it was and you know, I need to get over it. It's my problem. Nobody else. You know, and and, yes, it's shifted our relationship and yes, right now we're not. We are a little, what's the word? estranged? He's older. He is an adult. He's gone off to college. He's doing his own thing. Saying, and I feel like that kind of did kind of put a strain on on the relationship. And but you know what I'm like, you know, few years down the road I have no, I have no reason to believe no doubt in my mind that he'll be back in my life and we'll be back in each other's lives again. And just right now, we just need to have that space. And I've come to terms with that, and I don't talk about it a lot. You know, just because I it because people give you weird looks. And they're like, Oh, well, you're the mom, you should be doing this, or you should be doing that. And I'm like, but that's not the dynamics of the relationship. And that's not how it worked out. So, you know, I'll always be his mother, I'm always going to be that and so that will never be taken away from me. And I'm always the one that gave birth to him. You know, I mean,

Mark Laurie :

I find stereotypic stereotypical things are interesting because they're, they're usually myths. My belief is madison avenue for the sales of marketing Hollywood for the purpose of stories have created this this mythical mythical, typical how things should be they have the 1950s kind of. And it was never that way. And it's not like, averages. The the medium always bothers me because it's, it's this very thin place. The rest of the world happens outside of it. And I find when people get trapped in what is expected, what is stereotypically usually causes problems because you're trying to work against something that never really existed.

Liza Lomax :

Yep, exactly.

Mark Laurie :

Well, this has been delightful.

Liza Lomax :

Yes, it has. Yes, very much.

Mark Laurie :

You have any final thoughts now you've got you're in a cool relationship, very supportive kind of thing you've got the father spec recently discovered with your dad, the date, he's Danish, thats a Danish, Danish.

Liza Lomax :

I mean, I've known him for have a very good relationship. You know, I met him again when I was 10 years old. So we've maintained that relationship. Since I was 10 and he lives of course in a whole other country he does not live in the United States he actually lives in New Zealand and he likes to play golf all day and play tennis so that's that's what he likes to do so maybe someday I'll I'll get New Zealand but not right now but maybe later

Mark Laurie :

Thats kind of cool. So what tardy thought would you like to leave our listeners with women who are listening? um

Liza Lomax :

you know I always there's a I do a talk called Making the merrier friend and the mirror is like a huge thing for especially women because we look in the mirror and we nitpick at every single little thing that we that's wrong with us. We have gray hair, we got to get it dyed we have wrinkles, we got to get Botox you know, our our noses crooked, we got to get a fixed you know, or we have to wear a certain makeup or look a certain way or dress a certain way. And so I always do an exercise and I call called the I love the mirror exercise where you actually look in the mirror and When you're when you're coaching with me, it's a little bit longer. But you know, the talk that I do I give people two weeks and I say, Okay, I want you to go to the mirror every day in the morning. And I want you to say I love you to yourself in the mirror. That's a big thing for people because we say, we say I love you to every single, every single person around us, you know, our spouse or kids or people everybody, we have no problem saying I love you to everybody else but ourselves. So to go in the mirror and say I love you, and really feel the emotions behind it and feel how it sits near you know where it resonates in your body. You know, do emotions come up? Do you feel angry? Do you feel sad? You know, do you feel happy? and try it for two weeks and see if your life doesn't get just a little bit better? Just from saying three words. I love you.

Mark Laurie :

powerful stuff. Yeah, very, very powerful. It's one of the things our photography is about as well as is it people See the images in a way, because the way they don't usually see themselves, and they're surprised and they're excited about it. And they have to admit it's a visual thing. They have to make it look really good. Sometimes they say, Well, she looks really good. Am I busy? She looks really, really good though. But that's me. And it's, it's powerful once you because that's the first age if you can't love yourself, a friend of mine always talks about the airliner crash. And he says the airplanes going down. The first thing they tell you to do is look after yourself. You put the air mask on before you look after your child, anybody else because you can help anybody else if you're incapacitated. Yeah. It's, it's a really graphic type of symbolism that you once once you're looked after, as quickly as it is, if you want to seconds make the difference. You can now step up and help a whole host of people that has a diversion of you, you can

Liza Lomax :

I say that to people all the time when I'm talking to them. I Like put the oxygen mask of life on yourself first. Put it on you first. Because that's what what's the first thing they tell you when the planes going down? put the mask on you first. Yep, I say that every time I love it.

Mark Laurie :

This is cool. Well, listeners, you'll be able to kind of get on the bio section of this podcast. There's gonna be a whole bunch of links and connections to all of these. And it's been too late. So, thank you so much.

Liza Lomax :

Thank you for having me.

Exit speaker :

This has been fascinating women with Mark Laurie. Join us on our website and subscribe at fascinating women does ca fascinating women has been sponsored by inner spirit photography of Calgary, Alberta and is produced in Calgary by Lila's and my office media.