Krista Kosta - Empathy Life Coach - Abduction surviver - Mother - Authentic entrepreneur

Krista Kosta : 0:02

You're listening to fascinating women with Mark Laurie. And now, Mark Laurie.

Mark Laurie : 0:08

Well, hello, everyone. I'm Mark Laurie from inner spirit photography. Today Of course, I'm hosting a fascinating woman and my guest is Krista Kosta. Hello, Krista.

Krista Kosta : 0:19

Hello, how are you?

Mark Laurie : 0:21

I am just grant It's so good to have you here. This little video connection here was kind of cool.

Krista Kosta : 0:27

Yeah, no kidding. Yeah, it was. It's a it's always amazing when connections happen like that through a mutual person, mutual friend of ours, and

Mark Laurie : 0:36

it's a degree for everybody, I guess isn't? Yeah, it kind of happens with it. So let me tell you a little bit about myself. First. I'm Mark Laurie with Inner Spirit Photography, usuallyI am photographing women, usually nude because they're going through some type of brave spirit step. But today, we're going to be talking to Krista who's a life coach now, but she didn't start off that way. So we're going to kind of explore the things brought up that way and some of them The foundations of our personality and books and how those things will help you as well. So welcome again. So, five things, three things. Let's go three things. Get back in your youth that started to shape you for today.

Krista Kosta : 1:17

Whew, that's a great question. Three things that shaped me, I would have to say my very religious upbringing has shaped me to be more spiritual and not religious.

Krista Kosta : 1:34

umm my , my ability to feel at such a deep level. It went from people pleasing to empathy, empathy. It's always been empathy. But back when I was really little, it was definitely making sure everyone was happy around me. So that definitely formed who I am today and I would have to say part of my story being raised kind of out in your for a lot of my life and appreciation for living outdoors. I often will say it to people that or if people follow me on social media, they know that I live outside, and that was formed at a very early age.

Mark Laurie : 2:17

So you say live outside What's that mean? Paint us a bit of a picture.

Krista Kosta : 2:21

Um, I wake up in the morning, and the first thing I do is go to my backyard and I walk in the grass. If it is snowing, I bundle up and I do a walk around the lap. I do a rock around our block. So it's a very first thing I'll do most of the morning most mornings. I will work like this. I'm indoors right now in my office. But as soon as I'm done, I will take my laptop or my phone and I'll get outside I will sit on my on the grass. I will go for a walk around the block. I will go to a local park and I'll come back and do some more work and then I'll do work and then I get back outside again. So it's constantly out if my break is ever happening, I'm an entrepreneur. So if ever I need to get grounded or re-centered or focused, I'm outside

Mark Laurie : 3:05

I have heard that that's what every 90 minutes is when I pretty much should stop and there's up come what your rough timeframe?

Krista Kosta : 3:10

Yeah, it is. Yeah I don't really keep a clock it's more it's for me it's I feel my energy depleting and then I go Okay, I know I need to move. But yes, my son is very cognizant of that. He's like 90 minutes

Mark Laurie : 3:24

we got a cat that's pretty demanding. So dogs is like, sunshine. Why are you not up?

Krista Kosta : 3:32

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do foster dogs. So when we have dogs here, that's, that's also my cue and like, and they need to go.

Mark Laurie : 3:40

They keep people young. Working with So you mentioned that you're not really spiritual. What kind of shape is your spirituality take?

Krista Kosta : 3:49

Um, it has morphed throughout the years. I believe in God. I also believe in energetic field the universe. I do a lot of incense burning. Which is burning right now as we're in the middle of talking. So if you see smoke, it's not weed, it's incense. I do a lot of crystals, I do card readings in the morning. Anything that for me, I find them huge into seeing signs I see 711 everywhere the numbers 711. So then I will go and research what that means. So anything that keeps popping up in my world, I now go and look at what that means because it's coming for a reason for me. And I grew up very there's only God and that's it. And very religious, very strict heaven and hell. No swearing, no drinking, no sex before marriage, all that kind of stuff. So my dad passed away 13 years ago, or 15 years ago now I guess. And when he died, it kind of opened up a window for me to start exploring my own my own spirituality, and just kind of figuring out if there was do's and don'ts and I realized that there was not a lot of do's and don'ts and it's it's more relationship that you have within yourself and with the people around you. So my spirituality is and just like everybody's it's very personal. It's very unique to each person. And I'm okay if people don't understand it. Whereas before it used to be like, everyone needs to be the same as me. And now it's such a beautiful world when you can open up to everybody else's ideas as well and the way they believe it's just such a beautiful thing. So

Mark Laurie : 5:33

Usually, it's a belief that's for their betterment.

Krista Kosta : 5:37

Yeah,

Mark Laurie : 5:38

it's kind of a; friend one time was cool. He, he was explained to me his spirituality, and the reason why he liked his particular God by himself. He said, If I do, but talk to the representation of God, wherever he says, I tell him what I want. he interprets it, then takes it to the higher power. He then explains why he thinks I want the higher power then talks to him. He goes Back interprets, he says or I could just talk the higher power directly and that was it was quite really guy. He actually built a church in India. Ah, the neat thing about this church is it holds, I think 200 denominations each but he's got a small room. So tourists come through and you can talk to Representatives as all, the different religions. Mm hmm. And they're all kind of cohabit on space, which I thought was pretty brilliant.

Krista Kosta : 6:27

Super. Yeah, I just so I'm interested in so many different spiritual practices and different things that people do. So

Mark Laurie : 6:37

that's kind of one. So you mentioned your your dad died about 15 years ago, and you're younger, like I'm 65. So you're like a lot younger. So is that is that when things change with his passing? Was that like the milestone of all change, or you start to go through an awakening before that? Not just spirituality but of how your life started changing? Hmm.

Krista Kosta : 6:57

Well, first of all, thank you. I'm 46 so I feel very young, I got married at a very young age and had kids very, you know, 21 I got married had kids at 23 and 24. And two boys and they've kept me young. I feel that that's that's Well, yeah, I would say then is really when my dad was somebody that I'll just go back a little bit so people can hear, kind of, you know, they can kind of put put it into perspective of what my relationship was like, because that part of my story is the part that I do know people relate to the most and they're able to go, Oh, that's me. When I was six, my sister my mom and dad were married at the time and they were going through a separation. My sister was five, and we lived out east in Ontario, Canada. And they were, they were going through what parents do and adults do and They were, you know, there was arguments here and there and there was fighting and we lived with my mom in an apartment complex and my dad, there was, you know, stuff going on and and he wanted us and she didn't want him to have us. And so one afternoon he came to the apartment building and we were being babysat at the time and he came in through the gate. We were swimming in the pool. And he came in through the gate and the babysitter was there and he said there Mum, there mums that I could take them for ice cream, and he's like, the babysitter was like, okay, which wouldn't happen nowadays, but then it did. And so we randomly got in the car with him and we're super excited. We loved our dad and he took off with us and we never saw my mom again for 23 years. So he kidnapped us. And I remember in that moment, being super excited to be with my dad. I was young, I was six. I remember nights after that he went across the border into the states. And we started camping when we started traveling and being on the run, and she came home from wherever she was and noticed that we were gone and the babysitter civil, their dad took them and she knew like she instantly knew we were gone. She hired FBI agents she called America's Most Wanted, she tried everything, they get us back. And he just kept out running her and kept moving state lines. And every time he moved to state line, she'd have to re hire new private investigators in new you know, because back then there was no real communication happening between between them like there is now so she'd have to rehire people. And so this went on for months and months and months. Well, he just kept we kept camping and I remember nights would go by and we'd be laying there in the 10th. And I would ask him, I'm like, are we ever going to see our mom again? Are we ever going to see mom again, dad, and he would always just say She left us. Absolutely, she left us. And so I mean, my mom had left me, I grew up thinking she didn't love me. I grew up wanting to just make my dad happy, because I saw how sad he was through all of this because of course he was because this was terrible for them. He also played God in the situation, you know, and I'm able to speak about this now there wasn't, it was, you know, years ago, where I would mumble my way through it and cry because it was so raw. And I had so much unforgiveness, I'm able to speak in such a place of of empathy and just really compassion for both of them.

Krista Kosta : 10:40

Just knowing that

Krista Kosta : 10:42

adults we do the best we can. And it's not always right, and it's not always good. And as parents we don't always make the right decision and No, he didn't make the right decision, you know, like in my mind, but he did it and here I am today so he could be There came a point where they did speak. And I want to say this was about nine to 10 months later, at some point there was a phone call, because I remember being asked if we wanted to say goodbye to her because we were never going to see her again. And I said, No. I said, No, she left us, I'm editor. And I can remember saying this very clearly. And I wanted my dad happy. And the way he was going to be happy was if I didn't speak to her again. So she said, Stop running, give the girls a life, make them have some friends, all this stuff, and I'll stop chasing, just stop running with them. just settle them down. Just give them a life. So he did. So we ended up in Colorado, and he got remarried when I was 11. So there was years there was just the three of us. So my sister for me and my dad. I was the oldest and I also became the caretaker. I became the one that made sure both of them were okay all the time. So this happened at six. I wanted to make sure she was happy and she was safe and I want to make sure he was happy and he ended If I didn't ever it took not saying things saying what was right saying what I didn't want to be saying, but I knew that that would make him happy. I did everything that I told him what was the right thing to do as a child. And I knew right away if I didn't, I got a spanking right away if I said something wrong. So if I even remotely said that my mum was missing or that we were taken or you know, anything like that, so we weren't allowed to talk about that ever, ever, ever, ever. So then he got remarried when I was 11. And to a lady that brought in two daughters, and hers his and then they had a child together. So we had a blended family. In that moment, on the wedding day, he had said, this is your family. There's no more talking about your mom. There's no more nothing like this is your family period. very religious man. God was taking care of us. This is what God wanted. You know, all that kind of stuff was very, very ingrained in my mind that this was God's will. This was the way life was supposed to be. And this was my family done. My sister and I would go to bed at night. And we would talk about Mum, we'd wonder where she was, we'd wonder if she was alive. If she thought about us at all. We'd get mad at dad in our bedroom because we weren't allowed to get mad at him out in public or in to his face. So every now and then, growing up as I was a teenager we grew up in I grew up in Colorado till I was 12. And then when I was 12, he uprooted the whole family and we moved to canmore, Alberta, Canada. So I grew up in the mountains which I'm not complaining, it was absolutely gorgeous. Still have the appreciation for them today and that this is why my nature is so it's such a mother earth to me like that was my mom earth. The earth is my mother and it always was we tended and we camped while we were on the run. And then even after he got remarried, we went camping all the time and was outside and it felt it was a very safe place for me being outside. Being amongst the trees and the grass and water it was the one stability I guess maybe in my life that I always felt. And so when we moved up to canmore I was grade seven and that again was a struggle starting at a new school and junior high and wanting to fit in so badly and doing whatever it took to fit in to say the right thing drink smoke drugs whatever it took I just wanted to fit in became a real

Mark Laurie : 14:32

guiding path hmm medicine deeply to be a people pleaser, I guess is a popular term now.

Krista Kosta : 14:38

Huge, huge market was very very ingrained in me that this is what you do you make sure that everyone's happy around you and you do whatever it takes. You don't say no. And you die inside a little bit each time. You know, and it's you lose who you are, you lose who you are. And I didn't know that till I became older. Obviously. I became starting to become self aware of like, Whoa, hang on a second. So graduated. And I took off at 17 I graduated at 17. Yeah, go back while I was growing up, he would say little things to me. You know about my body, he would say things like, I just want to tie it in there a bit because that was a very big part of myself healing was my body image. And he would say things like, your thighs are like tree trunks or you could move a car with your, you know, with your thighs, or it was always about my my legs. So I had a real real competence issue with them. I didn't wear a bathing suit till who knows when like, you know, without shorts without shorts. I always had shorts on. You know, where he would say things like, you know, your legs are just like your mom's you're always gonna have to work on them. And so that took a long time for me to get over and still to this day, it's still something that I you know, that I find myself If someone says Oh, you've got great legs and like, are you serious these things, you know, like I'll I'll deflect quickly. So I graduated at 17. I took off to Australia, Bible school, there was the only I was going to be allowed out of the house. I said, I'm going to Bible school. And so I left with a girlfriend. I went there, and we were gone for about seven months. And it was beautiful. It was amazing. It was freeing. I didn't, you know, every Sunday was a phone call. And that was it. But the rest of the time it was I was out from underneath that controlling house. I was out from underneath the chaos. I was out from underneath having to make sure he was okay all the time. Because that was every day. I made sure he was okay every single day. Was he happy, and my dad would leave the house, maybe whistling but I never knew how he was going to come back in. I didn't know if there was going to be eggshells or walking on or if I was gonna have to say something to make it better. If I could hide in the bedroom, I just I was never sure what was going on so the man loved me beyond control. It was a codependency relationship that I can't even explain to the nth degree. And so I got married when I was 2021 met my my husband at 19 up in Banff and we got married and even after I got married I remember always looking to my dad and asking if something was okay it was okay that we bought this house is it okay that we go on this trip? Is it okay? And this lasted a long time.

Mark Laurie : 17:35

What did you wind up using to to get through that like so you've got a really strong codependent space but clearly that's not your issues are on phrase but you've grown beyond that. And that's what you know, what, once you cut tools that you use, it started to help you shape a new opinion.

Krista Kosta : 17:56

Yeah, it was so my dad died 15 years ago. He was he was killed. In a tragic car accident.

Krista Kosta : 18:02

I went into a dark spiral for about four years, five years there. And I just did a post about it on my Facebook yesterday. But it was then that I started to realize when he wasn't here, how much I relied on him, and how much I didn't know who I was without him. Right. So that was where the big thing happened for me, and I've had people ask me before, like, do you think you would be where you are today? If your dad was still here? I don't. But I do think I would be on my journey, but I don't know what that would look like. Right? Because that tie was immediately. And so it left me in a tailspin of Who am I What am I doing? Where am I going? And what do I really did? So I started counseling and I started therapy like big time and and I hired first life coach when other parts of my life was falling apart. My businesses were falling apart. I couldn't seem to get happy. I didn't know who you know what I wanted. I just felt like I was pleasing everybody, but me. Which is very common. And so once I started down the path it was so it was exactly seven years ago, I started my self discovery and the thing of wanting everyone else happy, kept, surfacing. Kept, that was the one thing I kept hearing myself say, right. And so then the awareness, the awareness became really clear for me. Now codependency for me was like the need, like I needed people to be happy in order for me to be happy, like that's where that that connection made. I was like, Oh, wait a second. I'm not happy unless they're happy. Oh, that's, that's not okay. And that happened within my family, like my husband and my boys. So I can see that I'm like, Oh, I can't be happy unless they are. And so that was a real red flag for me as well. So then, of course, that started down the journey again, and my I remember the very first counselor I was sitting in with I was 27. And she's like, because I was missing my mom. And I'm like, there's a part of me that's missing. I need a puzzle piece. So she goes, well, is anything traumatic happened in your life? I'm like, Well, not really. Because I couldn't even tell her. Yeah. And she goes, Okay, why don't you just tell me a little bit about your childhood? So I did and she's like, okay, so you've got abandonment issues. And I remember staring at her like a deer in the headlights because I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about. Like, I no one's left me, like literally could no idea so that for me was when journaling is a massive tool for me. verbally processing is a huge tool for me, it's probably possible.

Mark Laurie : 20:34

Pardon? What is verbally processing?

Krista Kosta : 20:36

Talking it out? Okay, talking it out just like this sharing my story is huge helpful. Every time I share, I heal a little bit more and I have a little bit more awareness around who I am.

Mark Laurie : 20:49

So is there any guidelines I'm thinking of some people are listening to this? Yeah. That are similar like I can see myself in, you know, desert guidelines and conduct you do talk to people Are you a bit guarded, but you say you're just sort of open up the vault and say, here's my heart. This is what I'm about.

Krista Kosta : 21:07

Sorry, can you repeat that again? And just kind of

Mark Laurie : 21:09

your, your verbalizing, how does that work? Like how bold can a person have to find someone who's doing too or you just talk to your neighbor and say, here's, here's my clock inside.

Krista Kosta : 21:22

I think everybody's different for that. I think everybody's different. I'm very much an open book. And people relate to me on a very, very deep level. I'm also very safe for people to talk to because I don't talk about anybody else's issues now. My clients will come to me because they only want to talk to me, that's it, you know, so they don't want the world to know their issues, but they need to work through them. They can relate to me because I am so open. But everybody is different. Some people are great talking on stage sharing their

Mark Laurie : 21:54

right. That's more of the minority, Monkey Bar, carpal tunnel. to stage tall, and then to talk on the stage and open up. But I also believe that if you once the more you start telling about yourself or tell about your backstory with a purpose not to not to be artistical, but to say like, Hey, I'm gonna share this, because it's helpful to me, but I want to share this because it's gonna be helpful to you, maybe you find a friend nugget in there, to kind of grow from that. So I think that's more than the exception. The person goes up on stage and says, here's my book, and you start to see after a while, that becomes very practiced how it goes.

Krista Kosta : 22:30

Well, you can tell like you can tell to mark like, you can tell the energy behind when people are thinking that you can tell it's coming from a place of where, you know of, Oh, this is real. She's, she's healing or he's talking through this and it's really resonating with me. And then there's people that talk you're like, Huh, you know, so because I've been both I've done both. I've said things where I'm like, hope this gets a lot of attention, you know, years ago, and then now it's coming from a place of going I really hope this helps you somewhere in here because it's helping massively to talk about this.

Mark Laurie : 23:02

I was talking to Shannon yesterday and she was talking about authenticity because she also he and I don't think it's don't have to be on the stage or off the stage. I believe the people are very fine tuned as I was talking to a friend about his he's quite a philosophy person his wound was that people don't have short attention spans anymore. Like the shortage has been. What he believes is the bullshit meter has really been tuned. Oh, hundred percent. And so I can start I can detect the when is when you're trying to make me do something or it's a story. It's not real 100% so I'm not 100% Do you believe that the blogger have a short attention span, they're just very quick with what they're going to pay attention to.

Krista Kosta : 23:54

I think that the bullshit meter is so high on people now people can feel it. Read it and see it. And I honestly think that's it because I used to think it was like the attention span. And I there probably still is that in there, I'll have to say probably is that in there as well. However, what I also know is that you can captivate me if you're speaking the truth. I will watch you for an hour and a half.

Mark Laurie : 24:19

Yeah, it is. That's his point. And I agree with me. He was actually at that time he's pointing to me. So you start telling your stories about your photography, because I mesmerized me for two hours. get onto your topic, you don't care much about cars. And you say you lose me after 10 seconds. got no interest and you clearly don't have any interest either. So like something we don't talk a lot about cars mess and balls. Women I'm photographing.

Krista Kosta : 24:45

Right, and I mean, it's and you know what, and somebody that you know, it'd be like, I sometimes think if you've got passion behind what you're talking about, I'll listen like if someone's talking about cars, and they are so passionate about I'm like, God, I kind of like cars now. You know, like, it's one of those things, but if someone doesn't have that energy and passion, whatever it is they're talking about, you're going to lose me. You're gonna. I'm not going to listen. Yeah,

Mark Laurie : 25:10

but there's nothing quite as interesting as watching somebody who has a passion, whether you connect with or not just to watch them. willingly explain something and we, I think back on cars at a client that came in as photographing with antique cars. Everything I do is like women with women with Yeah, yeah. I restored a car. This is Nixon elsewhere, racking old model A's and really intriguing things. And he hauls me out. And there's this brown Datsun if you heard the factory standards, he says, you know, it's hard to get original posca a bitch. It is. Brown. Why would you pick rice most common color? Right? That's good. That's good. There's a reason Yeah. Yeah. But his passion was so much better. This Africa done so yeah, so it's ready to kind of, to kind of kicks into

Krista Kosta : 26:04

Yeah, like I I know for where I am today It took it's taken me a while probably the last two years I've really narrowed down my niche because you know and what I want what my passion is, but I noticed myself change when I talk about helping women get out of that cycle, I noticed how my whole energy gets lifted up and I'm like, Oh, I'm ready to go for the day. I know what I'm doing, you know? Whereas before I was like, um, do you not like your job? Like I was trying to figure out what it was that I wanted to help people with, you know, and I couldn't quite narrow it down because even as a life coach and an entrepreneur, I was trying to see what was best for everybody else out there. Hi, ding ding ding. Like I was still pleasing everybody else out there and not listening. What was going on in here, like, What does everybody else need? What does the world need? You know, it's like, oh my god, like, what do you want to deliver Krista? Like, what do you want to talk about? What do you want to help people with? So it's really you know, It's been a beautiful, beautiful journey. And I'm not even saying that this is the end like this might just be a stepping stone to something else. I'm going to start, you know, some other life coaching topic I'm going to go on or whatever.

Mark Laurie : 27:09

So that's one of the first things we've talked about in the past, because our lifespan is project appointment longer. People would only have one job, so it wasn't many jobs around and where to live didn't change much. And now, you'd always want to want to be in love your dad or dad was what your future would hold. And now the odds of your of your dad's job or mom's job even exists by the time you hit the job market is like very, very low. But people keep changing. And you know, again, when you get old when you used to get old at 35 and dead by 45. Now that was like one cycle so you didn't have a chance to become several people and the knowledge wasn't as small as accessible as it is today now, but you can go through three or four growth spurts you might say and still on even scratch it.

Krista Kosta : 28:00

Well, and you know what's interesting about that is that's how I grew up like my dad was an entrepreneur. So he tried it many, many different things. And I was modeled that. So when I got married, I took hair school and before I got married, I was like a server and I was a gas jockey. And I was a chambermaid and and then I got married and I took hairstyling school. So I went to school for six months, I became a hairstylist and I stayed there for about 12 years doing hair. Well, I tried quitting hair for about six six different times because I was so done. I'm like, I'm ready for something else. I just wanted but it wasn't it wasn't looked upon Well, in the circle it was in was like, why are you changing white? Why do you want it you're good at it. Why do you and I'm like, I'm done. Like I want to go do something else. So I finally quit that sold everything in one day because I had to burn the boats like I could not go back to it like I so I sold everything on Kijiji. Then that Monday, I started working downtown at a nonprofit organization. Brown bagging for Calgary's kids I stayed there for two years. And I'm like, Oh, this isn't for me. And then I tried something else. And I worked in a hail damage insurance company at a desk and I'm like, Nope, that's not for me. And so then I went and worked at a chiropractor clinic. And I fell in love with fitness. And I actually opened up my own Fitness Bootcamp. So that was my very first kind of like, I mean, I own my own hair styling company. But this one was outside the house, and it was a brick and mortar. And I started being a bootcamp instructor. And I did that for six years, loved it, loved the community we built, loves, loved all of what I was done after, but I'm like, I'm ready for something else. And that's when I became a life coach. So I definitely wasn't hanging around people like me. Like it just people were. I still have friends that are like, yeah, I've been at this job for 16 years. I'm like, how, you know, because I was just such a, I just want I like change, like try. I like the challenge of trying something new. What I've learned about myself over the years is that I could buy business Get them up and going and sell them quickly. Don't stay there, give them to some sell them to somebody else. I haven't done that. But that's something I would be good at, because I like that flipping.

Mark Laurie : 30:11

Now, I'm the anomaly this year, underscore photography's 40 years old.

Krista Kosta : 30:16

I know, see, and I look at you, I look at people like you and I'm like, good for, like, good for you. That is so um, but I go, how, you know, my husband is a youth pastor for he's going on 18 years, 18 years, like, and he's lived with me, you know, and he's just, like, buckle up. I'm moving again, buckle up.

Mark Laurie : 30:34

We're moving, you know, like, I do, though, is that it? is we're constantly changing. Right? My, my clientele was it was always women. But when we started doing this, you know, there this kind of thing didn't exist at all right? We trade photographers for but you know, I'll go in and we'll we're doing male throws where we have women does oppose me through a milcon template in Photoshop. We've got a similar space. Keep on finding ways to reinvent what I do. And that and the thing we discovered a while ago that my photography is a tool, I'm really changing women's lives. No huge so that becomes so the focus becomes shifting which comes into kind different so but it's really yeah, for me it's very exciting because each day is gonna drain.

Krista Kosta : 31:20

No, no, yeah, no, I can only imagine. Yeah, I think I think for me, the thought of sitting at a desk nine to five answering the phone. Makes me not happy because

Mark Laurie : 31:32

I've never I think for a while, but even then I was I was mobile, I would have locations to work. Right. So what has been your biggest failure that you've grown from?

Krista Kosta : 31:44

Who? My biggest failure

Mark Laurie : 31:48

crashing Oh, wow.

Krista Kosta : 31:49

Yeah. You know what I think the first thing that just came into my head so I'm going to go with this one because this is usually what that means. It was my fitness. Business it was, I think, if I'm absolutely honest, and I've talked about this before, I think I gave up on that. Sooner than I think I could have stuck with it a little bit longer. It was one of my greatest lessons of learning for myself. However, it got hard. And I fell out of love with doing it. And so I just sold it, instead of pushing through to see where it could have taken me. I didn't I didn't straddle. I just sold it and started my life coaching business. And that was not good at all on business aspect. People didn't follow me. You know, I was expecting 230 people, I had an income coming in. And I sold it in, you know, a week and then the following week, I didn't have 230 people income coming in. I had one literally Mark I had one person. So that for me was like a at the time I was mad. So I was wasn't able to self reflect quite yet I was mad. I was like, how could they not follow me and you know, now I'm able to go. Got it. So that for me is one of the ones that really, really stands out for me. And it's hard for me to even call it a failure. Right? And I know that you think the same, but it was just not hard for me to call it that. But definitely, I can see it like that.

Mark Laurie : 33:24

I've discovered that, that failure. If you stop at that point, the failure will stop. But for entrepreneurs and for a lot of people are starting to change the thinking. It's a learning thing. So it's either when someone says I'm either successful or it's a learning education, right, right. It's one of the

Krista Kosta : 33:48

two things changing the whole word, the wording in there.

Mark Laurie : 33:50

And sometimes though, I found some of my biggest successes came after a horrible failure. We did a marketing campaign once and it was expensive and I followed the guy's advice. My said no, I got three people out of it. Wow. And they and they're all can only afford one print. And those digital prints are really really cheap. Wow. I come up with the calendar process like for a month so they could pick you take them a year by topographic I just have this income going and then decide to save something happy, right? disaster really kicks in. Do you have any quotes? inspirational quotes to live by that kind of means something to you?

Krista Kosta : 34:30

Yep. Marianne Marianne Williamson's her big long one about being a light I'd have to look it up because it's so long, right? It's on it's on. Like numerous people have given it to me and it's in one of my books and it's just about us shining our light though so that other people can see us shining. It's giving us permission. Who are we not to that one. And it's just such a beautiful because we all dem we don't want to and for me personally, it was because I was afraid. I was gonna step on someone's toes or be too bright, and I didn't want to shadow other people, by me being who, you know, I was created to be because I know I'm a loud person, and I'm boisterous. And I get excited and, and I'm a large presence when I go into a room and so I always dreamed that for a long time, or I would do it with just specific people and because I didn't want to, you know, really ruffle any feathers and then like, Oh my gosh, like and as I started to go along, and there's different ways there's ego that comes into a room or there's soul that comes into the room and now it's soul, you know? So I'm like, I'm good coming in like this.

Mark Laurie : 35:34

It's, I mean, the word silica like there's no real difference in this big block in the room. But the difference between soul and ego is huge. People respond to soul, they tend to respond differently to pure ego. I guess they have also found people can walk in and the room filled with quietness. There. They are. Not loud, not boisterous, and yet they create instant comedy in the room. And people want to talk to them. They want to be around they want to listen to the words that they do say. And it's it's fascinating to watch the mechanics that is people respond to a person.

Krista Kosta : 36:14

I know. I know there's a guy and a girl that just popped into my head right now when you said that I like their energy. I just want I love

Mark Laurie : 36:20

it. There's also people that just suck this emotion. They're not they're

Krista Kosta : 36:24

not in a good way.

Mark Laurie : 36:27

Go How can you this person, and they love it. And that's your whole focus is that they just kind of go by and if you've enjoyed that, just take it and then the black pit. It's just really yeah,

Krista Kosta : 36:37

it's good. It is. Yep.

Mark Laurie : 36:39

So what kind of things have your attention right now? What kind of things you're confused about?

Krista Kosta : 36:43

What kind of things right now am I curious about um, I'm always reading a self development book. I just finished. Where is it? I just finished while I'm actually reading Trevor Noah was born a crime. So I just finished that one. Which was amazing. untamed by Glennon Doyle finish that one you're a badass is always the one that's Oh, the War of Art. It's about procrastinating in your business or in life in general. It's an amazing, amazing book, The War of Art, the War of Art, and break through blocks to when you're in your inner creative battle by Steven pressfield. It's an unbelievable book. It's very short. It's an easy read right now, especially during COVID when COVID kind of hit, I was really really just wanting to help and give inspiration to people and and really let people know that we're going to be okay through this and that I you know, it was it was I went straight on to Facebook. I did a whole bunch of lives with a bunch of collaborations with women. Right now, I am really focused on just marketing my business on who what I am who I help that is I just signed up for another course I'm always learning about codependency and people pleasing. I like to learn different levels of that. So I just signed up for another course online for that. I like teaching new ways I like seeking new ways of doing this educating myself on this particular matter is the most important thing for me, because the way that I can articulate it will relate to somebody out there. So I find that very, very, I love every day I'm learning something about it.

Mark Laurie : 38:31

So the empathy that you talked about that you need to work on, is that something that you believe people are essentially empathetic? Can they feel that way? Or is that something a skill that you can kind of grow you can

Krista Kosta : 38:42

definitely hone in on it for sure. I think you definitely can. But I believe true, empathetic, people have it when they're born with it. I believe that when it's something that you and I've talked about this numerous times, because at the beginning of COVID This is when I realized that it wasn't that long ago. You Guys, when you're listening out here for me, I really tapped into how well my energy level is like through the roof, how I feel. And I read and I see other people's energy. And I was like, oh, wow, I've got this. And I always know what I have. But I suppressed it for so long, because I didn't want to feel that because it wasn't good. I didn't want to feel it. And I didn't know how to deal with it myself. That was the thing. I would be feeling anxious or I'd be feeling nervous or sad or angry or whatever. But that wasn't mine that I was feeling I was feeling somebody else's. And I didn't know how to deal with that. So for me, empathy is an energy that I feel from somebody. So for me, the very beginning COVID I walked into the grocery store and we all know how grocery stores were out of control. People were so scared, especially like the first week and I just remember shaking, because I wish I had I like viscerally shaking, standing there paying for my groceries because I was feeling Everybody's fear. And I went back and got in the car and I just started bawling. And I had no idea it was going on. I phoned my girlfriend that works in this. She does energy healing, and breath work and all that. And I said, Amanda, I don't know what's going on, like I am, I'm literally sitting here shaking. And I don't even know if I'm not scared. Or if I'm feeling everybody else's. And she's like, you were taking on everybody else's, you are feeling at a level in your soul that you need to, you know, replenish, you need to make yourself strong or you're going to be a mess. So that's been my progress over the last four months, five months is just what I was born with it. I know, I was born with it, because I felt this type of thing when I was six, when I was five, when I was at home,

Mark Laurie : 40:41

Just sort of thinking because empathy essentially is trying to try to guess what other people are feeling. And you can then deal with a couple of ways. But when your childhood that that's your people pleaser thing was kicking in that is a form of empathy, huge, it's not being able to control so you actually as a young child, you're actually fine tuning it just for the wrong purposes. Right? Great, so I'm gonna get back into it.

Krista Kosta : 41:03

Yeah, yep. So now it's a gift. My my oldest son has it and I tell him all the time I'm like, it is a gift don't ever be you know, you just have to take care of yourself because you will get worn down empathetic people people pleasers, we all get very worn down because we're feeling everything so you the best thing I can do and the best thing that I tell my clients is just the self care routine has to be like, through the roof.

Mark Laurie : 41:28

If not, there's other things than empathy. I think a lot of people don't step into their own greatness easily because they'll have something that comes easily that's that's us that's why I think the the watermark of this is your special talent This is your unique ablity is this comes too easy and because it's a you don't give it much value. Hmm. And so like artists are artists, especially at this problem and they just paint and then they just knock this off. How can we remember the Picaso, one time, the guy ask about creating art and he's just sketch on a napkin, this guy's face, right? What's the take it the guy, the counselor back. He says, I'll sell to you right now and on air for five or $10,000. Any pause he says just took you three seconds a napkin? Oh, yes, I signed it though. You can simply if you can buy it now for $10,000 or we'll sell tomorrow for 40,000. The guy's like, stuck. That's his whole year's wage. couple months wage. Right. So identifying your gift, whether it be the or some kind of leadership thing is pretty important. Does that makes sense.

Krista Kosta : 42:33

Oh, it's so so important. And I and people go I don't know what my gift is. Because that was me for a long time. I didn't know what my gift was. I say empathy is definitely a gift. I also have the gift of making people feel. And I only know this because here's a tip for you guys out there is like, Listen to what people compliment you on. Listen to what people tell you that you're good at. And maybe you don't even know it's just something that comes so naturally to you. And you don't right. You don't Know that you're like, Oh, well, I just I just do that like I don't even I don't even try.

Krista Kosta : 43:06

That's a gift that's coming out for you. That's that's your gifting.

Mark Laurie : 43:09

I was with Strategic Coach. You said there's things you're incompetent things you're incompetent at things you excel at and things that you're natural ask people spent too much time their competence level, but they tend to think that they're special talents as well in Excel, you have to work that out. Totally don't spend any time in why they what's just natural to them.

Krista Kosta : 43:31

Right? And then because you might be natural at it, so for me, a lot of people have told me like you're really good at making people feel like they're the only person in the room you give people your undivided attention. Once I was told it, then I worked even harder at it. Right? So that was a talent that I had that I didn't know I was like, Oh, I just do that. I like making people feel special. Like I just like because I like that. So then once it was brought to my attention, I'm like full I'm going to work on this even more

Mark Laurie : 43:58

This is a huge thing. I could talk to you for hours quite easily.

Krista Kosta : 44:03

but clearly that will not happen

Mark Laurie : 44:06

the hours and the time that we had we had some people we have topics sometimes actually with the bullies another one was great people were where we spent a whole program on a single topic onto it. You have been fascinating which is important to my story.

Krista Kosta : 44:22

Thank you. Thank you so much for having me on.

Mark Laurie : 44:24

It's been really cool. It's a perspective you don't often hear of a person's got some backstory like yourself, that is then shaped up that's a such a 360 degree life raise, which is kind of fascinating. Yeah. for everybody. There's in the in the bow pieces, there's gonna be all sorts of links and whatnot so you can get ahold of Krista quite easily and get more information and some of the things you mentioned, they got free as well. Yeah, haven't you? I enjoyed having you on the show. Just Thanks, Mark. I appreciate it. This is Mark Laurie from the fascinating woman clearly behind a camera in her spirit photography but doing this this is Krista Costa thank you for joining us.

Exit speaker : 45:03

This has been fascinating women with Mark Laurie. Join us on our website and subscribe at fascinating women dossier fascinating women has been sponsored by inner spirit photography of Calgary, Alberta and is produced in Calgary by Lee Ellis and my office media.