Fascinating Women

Frankie Nobert - recreational researcher - force of nature - enthusiast - 70 years old, Uncommon woman

October 14, 2020 Mark Laurie Season 1 Episode 27
Fascinating Women
Frankie Nobert - recreational researcher - force of nature - enthusiast - 70 years old, Uncommon woman
Chapters
Fascinating Women
Frankie Nobert - recreational researcher - force of nature - enthusiast - 70 years old, Uncommon woman
Oct 14, 2020 Season 1 Episode 27
Mark Laurie

Frankie Nobert is having a very interesting life, she just turned 70, celebrating with a nude photo session in my studio. Her huge smile and sparkling eyes are rarely gone from her face. She is a woman who likes deep conversations with dear friends or women needing support.
Her Story and journey are rooted in Father abuse she talks about how that has shaped her, how in later years it triggered her journey of self. It is a positive conversation, even when she loses her footing as she grew.

Could this vibrancy be you when you turn 70?

You can follow and contact Frankie here
https://www.instagram/frankienobert
https://www.facebook/frankienobert
https://theuncommonwoman.com/chapters

Her bio in her words:
“What I believe, makes me who I am” Deepak Chopra

Life has been about creating my best life, that I dreamed as a young girl, I believed there had to be a better life.  I was going to rise above my circumstances. 
Those were childhood sexual abuse, growing up in an alcoholic home, my mother staying with my father, being the oldest of 3, and becoming the parent. 
I was not going to let these affect me! 
I kept it all a secret, for far too long, as most of us do!! But of course, It all affected everything. All my relationships, my self-worth, body image, sense of responsibility, as I kept my armor on, myself safe and pushed everyone away! 
Through my healing journey, I have created an amazing life. Still carrying some armor and darkness in my heart, I was led once again to explore even deeper into my childhood wounds recently. 
The journey is never over!
I have shed all those layers of darkness and shame. I openly share my story, my life journey, past and current, to give hope in finding peace, to inspire and empower others. 
I live and lead by example, embracing life, still at 70


About Mark Laurie - Host.
Mark has been transforming how women see themselves, enlarging their sense of sexy, expanding their confidence in an exciting adventure that is transformational photography.
http://innerspiritphotography.com

Sound Production by:
Lee Ellis  - myofficemedia@gmail.com
Reach out to Lee for your Sound Production

Show Notes Transcript

Frankie Nobert is having a very interesting life, she just turned 70, celebrating with a nude photo session in my studio. Her huge smile and sparkling eyes are rarely gone from her face. She is a woman who likes deep conversations with dear friends or women needing support.
Her Story and journey are rooted in Father abuse she talks about how that has shaped her, how in later years it triggered her journey of self. It is a positive conversation, even when she loses her footing as she grew.

Could this vibrancy be you when you turn 70?

You can follow and contact Frankie here
https://www.instagram/frankienobert
https://www.facebook/frankienobert
https://theuncommonwoman.com/chapters

Her bio in her words:
“What I believe, makes me who I am” Deepak Chopra

Life has been about creating my best life, that I dreamed as a young girl, I believed there had to be a better life.  I was going to rise above my circumstances. 
Those were childhood sexual abuse, growing up in an alcoholic home, my mother staying with my father, being the oldest of 3, and becoming the parent. 
I was not going to let these affect me! 
I kept it all a secret, for far too long, as most of us do!! But of course, It all affected everything. All my relationships, my self-worth, body image, sense of responsibility, as I kept my armor on, myself safe and pushed everyone away! 
Through my healing journey, I have created an amazing life. Still carrying some armor and darkness in my heart, I was led once again to explore even deeper into my childhood wounds recently. 
The journey is never over!
I have shed all those layers of darkness and shame. I openly share my story, my life journey, past and current, to give hope in finding peace, to inspire and empower others. 
I live and lead by example, embracing life, still at 70


About Mark Laurie - Host.
Mark has been transforming how women see themselves, enlarging their sense of sexy, expanding their confidence in an exciting adventure that is transformational photography.
http://innerspiritphotography.com

Sound Production by:
Lee Ellis  - myofficemedia@gmail.com
Reach out to Lee for your Sound Production

introduction:

You're listening to fascinating women's with Mark Laurie. And now, Mark Laurie.

Mark Laurie:

Well, Hello, this is Mark Laurie from fascinating women. Usually, as I mentioned before, I am behind a camera for graphing amazing women. But I would see these women who have got amazing, incredible stories. And I thought I should help share these stories. And today we have Frankie, Norbert. And Frankie is a recreational researcher right now, which means she's retired. And she's got some credential the background where she was a lifeguard, which is that my whole directs that was my background. And she also was social worker when she got fired from which is unusual. And she's been on a personal journey of sorts that will kind of get into so welcome.

Frankie Nobert:

Thank you. Thank you. My pleasure.

Mark Laurie:

So let's just talk a little bit first about the kind of things the values that you hold dear, that you kind of acquired over the years, you sit back and say these are my three core values, what would they be?

Frankie Nobert:

Health and Wellness? love adventure, that's not necessarily a value of health and health and wellness. I think more than anything. safety,

Mark Laurie:

safety. Okay,

Frankie Nobert:

that's been that's probably been the key or me.

Mark Laurie:

the safety that most people think of just seat belts and stuff. Yeah, what you're talking about personal safety as face safety back

Frankie Nobert:

headspace and physical. Not so much now. But yeah, safety was important as a girl and how I how I operated to survive in life. And so in terms of anybody that I related to it was, you know, is this a safe space for me? More than anything? And

Mark Laurie:

yeah, how do you to reference a safe space or not?

Frankie Nobert:

A sense of energy. I think more than anything I observe, I observed people with that kind of thing and just get a sense of, you know, they are interested in something else, or they're just interested in just being

Mark Laurie:

Yeah, it's probably more than anything else. Yeah, it's, it's interesting. Guys Also, don't think about even even frail guys don't think about the same level in terms of safety. We were talking other girls that come and go, yeah, I'll go memorize how many steps it is to hear in the shadows are and stuff that, that we just sort of Don't think about, but it does create a bit of a different world.

Frankie Nobert:

Some of those kinds of things. I actually wasn't that paranoid about right, in terms of, you know, going places by myself. Like, I was never afraid, right? I guess because of I developed the skill and the confidence to look after myself. But I so I guess the other way of putting that is was I safe in this relationship?

Mark Laurie:

And I see that does that does change the context? Yeah, right. So anytime you need somebody Okay. Is this a safe relationship space? Gonna go? Can I be trusted perhaps to work?

Frankie Nobert:

Yes. Yeah, I'm gonna kick into That's right. Yeah. Can I can I be who I really am? Or do I have to be guarded? And if I have to be guarded well, then this isn't where I belong. Yeah, kind of thing.

Mark Laurie:

We're about the same age actually. Because I'm I turned 65 in February. So I'm a bit older than you

Frankie Nobert:

know, you're not the other way around. Oh, way around. I'm 70

Mark Laurie:

70. How did I do the math on that. anyways, the math is really bad. Clearly. I have a wife on those things. There we go. Right. Yeah. Well, friend callkit. On she told me that it was anyway. So there was a difference in age. My point is Yes. Do you find people who are more transparent or more easier to read back in your 20s?

Frankie Nobert:

More now? Oh, interesting. Never thought of that. Probably they were easier to read before because I think people now I won't say they're more guarded. But they're more sophisticated in that sense. But usually one can't buffalo a person completely. But every now and then we are you know, we're hooked in. That probably depends on where we're coming from, you know, if we're vulnerable, and looking for something, we can be sucked in easy. No matter when, you know, 50 years ago, we're now kind of thing. Yeah, that's interesting.

Mark Laurie:

Thank you, phrases, folks. We've also heard about people having short attention spans. Yes. And I just hadn't thought of that too deeply because a friend of mines, people these days don't have her attention spans. What they have is two things one is a really sophisticated bullshit meter. So they can tell really quickly if you are if the person that teeth The radio book is bullshit, and therefore we're gone. Right? So it gets activated and not so played about four years ago. True. Okay, well, this doesn't interest me. And this is crap for them out of here, guys. Oh, yeah. So I'll find it opening I'll leave back in the day. And the second thing was, is they recognize shorts of time. And if it doesn't interest them, they see it right away, and they leave. But and this is where the difference is. If because you think if you have short attention span, that's the way it is for everything. But if you hit something you like that interest you, you'll spend hours with it. So yeah, so suddenly, all this, this doesn't serve me and your outfit really quickly. And so people are starting to be really quick with that was his concept.

Frankie Nobert:

It's interesting. Yeah. I agree with you. It's something you're interested in Time flies. Yeah. You know, it's you have we have lots of attention. I think the social media is a big factor. Now more than anything, when it comes to that stuff versus again, you know, 50 years ago, where there wasn't social media. Yeah, and whatnot. But the other thing I think makes a difference, too, is whether we, in the term I can't, you know, for lack of a better term is if we're people pleasers. Yeah, you know, and a lot of people, and I think women in particular, but men as well, you know, we we want to be liked. And so sometimes, yes, we might have a bullshit meter, but depending on where we are in our journey, some of us are still trying to please people. And so our attention span is still there. Yeah. versus if we, if we don't need anyone, we're comfortable with who we are. and whatnot, then it's like, yeah, if I, if this doesn't resonate, then I don't have time.

Mark Laurie:

Confidence may come in. So if I'm confidence in my own skin, and that's part of the journey that you've been on? Yes. Then I'm less likely to want to be busy pleasing people. Yes. Because their approval of me doesn't impact me as much.

Frankie Nobert:

Right? Yeah. So I'm in the relationship not to please them, right? If you know if I stay, but because I'm, I'm comfortable with who I am. So, yeah, that's a long journey to get there in terms of, I might not get everything that I need from you, right. But I'm still okay with the relationship that we have. Or if, and this has happened, I have a couple friends where you know, the relationship is just disintegrated, because it's like, you know, I finally realized that I really don't matter in this in this relationship in that, you know, we come together and it's all about her. Yep. At no point, do you know, whether it be male or female? But at no point Do they ever say, Well, what about you? And it's, it's always about a give and take. And when we have when we have struggles, we want to be there for someone. Yeah. But we still want to be part of the relationship as well, not just the listener all the time.

Mark Laurie:

It's tough. Yeah, it's tough when it's intentful. I don't think a lot of people spend a lot of time thinking, where do I fit in this relationship? They just recommend go almost at a motional like, Oh, I feel good. This is working, this is not working. And then they come down.

Frankie Nobert:

until maybe you come you're in a relationship, and you least, because that's what happened to me as I walked away, you know, went to the car and say, like, What just happened? It's, you know, kind of thing. And I'm not necessarily the kind of person that would say, Well, you know, let me talk about this or whatever. It's, it's like, you know, I'm waiting for a flow of the conversation kind of thing not to just to interject about well, you know, here's my story. That's not just why I went there. Yeah, yeah. But no, I've been very aware of when I leave, it's like, I just feel really, really empty.

Mark Laurie:

Yeah. Yeah, I find I encounter as I go through stuff, people who you just have casual conversations with. And they're really a no part of there's there's no much interest to go beyond the weather in the Mattson, latest TV show.

Frankie Nobert:

And sometimes that's okay, this is fine.

Mark Laurie:

But I find life gets really interesting when you're intentful and, and your friend or your partner at that moment, whoever not step up, and they go, let's have a real conversation. Let's that's debate things.

Frankie Nobert:

And, and that, I think, is one of the biggest differences that, you know, what has happened with with me and part of my journey the last several years, especially, and with the people that I surround myself with, is we're not just talking about, you know, just how are you today and, you know, I'm fine, good and, you know, on On we go is we do have those deeper conversations for sure. And, and not necessarily about the world, but just, you know, mental health, you know, women's issues, world issues, you know, whatever, just just something a little bit deeper and meaningful. So, so that when we do have struggles, I feel confident that you know, I can come together and we will have a free flow of exchange between, you know, Are you really okay. Yeah, kind of thing. And we can get into that. And and as well, with that, I have also created that safe space that I feel okay that yes, I can comfortably, you know, share this and be vulnerable or whatever, rather than just pass it off and say no, I'm okay. Yeah.

Mark Laurie:

And I will say what I think you need to hear as often amounts. And, and question, often the conversation become very uncomfortable as you start to examine things. Yes. Lift up the carpet gloss. I've been sweeping underneath here for a while.

Frankie Nobert:

Yeah, most people don't like that. And most people don't like being around that. In fact, it was interesting. was with a group A month ago, give or take whatever. And the women were, as often happens, you know, we were in one part of the room and the guys are in another part of the room. And and which is okay, sometimes anyway, we were having the women were having a deeper conversation. Yet one of the fellows came over and said, You girls have to put up put a lid on this. So it was obviously making him very uncomfortable. Yeah, for you know, what we were talking about. And it was some, you know, some serious stuff. One of the girls was having some, some serious issues with someone in her family, and we're all trying to support her and lift her and give her suggestions or whatever. And, you know, and she was really struggling. But he wasn't having anything with it. And I didn't know what to say, but I was instantly mad. And when I'm mad, I usually I usually just walk out of the room until I collect myself, you know, figure out what they need to say they're like, oh, but yeah, it's interesting.

Mark Laurie:

It's kind of wild. But so you've been on your journey. What are you curious about right now? What's my theory? We're gonna get into, but what caused the journey? And what's your curiosity at the moment? Oh, I know,

Frankie Nobert:

I listen, I listen to you. I never know. What am I curious about? Now? I'm curious about where the world is going to evolve over the next couple of years. COVID, as we were talking about earlier, has not personally or it has not affected me personally drastically, right? I mean, yes, it has, to some extent, for sure. And to me, I think it's been a very necessary reset, that we need to look at some social issues, because I think that's what a lot of this is really all about. But I'm not too sure it's all been handled all come to surface and is being dealt with. I think some of it has, I think a lot more needs to and so yeah, I'm curious to see where we're going. And I'm hoping I'm trying to be hopeful that that it is is going to be a positive thing, but it's gonna take time. I can. My

Mark Laurie:

mum gave me this perspective years ago, okay. So every couple of years, the politicians the newspapers tell us that the society is his death door is around the corner. And you think why would you bring somebody so so my mom had gotten to a graduation of high scores? I think it was my niece's graduate saying. Mackey says if you ever have any doubt about what the future is gonna hold, go to a high school graduation. Because they have nothing but hope for the future. They are at that moment for him. Yeah. And then the second thing I encountered that, I think that fills me with hope all the time is expected mom's mums are and women nature natural are very, very protective. And also very practical people.

Unknown:

Yes.

Mark Laurie:

And they would not bring in a new life to world they believes can be destroyed. I agree, you know, like, like this is their child's going to have a better life. And that's the motivation for Yeah. And so you see all these expect to women and all these young children, and their resides hope.

Frankie Nobert:

Yeah, yeah. I love that perspective. Yeah.

Mark Laurie:

And I just meant that much to me.

Frankie Nobert:

Yeah, no, it makes sense for sure. And it made me think about a friend that I have a gal that I've been on retreat with just been the leader. And she just, I think a month ago gave birth to a set of twins. Right. And, and she definitely is the kind of person that's very intentional, you know, would not be bringing children in if she didn't have hope for the future for sure. Yes, I love that. Yeah.

Mark Laurie:

So let's because and john, I have a difference. I would love to live forever. Like I like the concept. I've seen, of course, a science fiction book and some of the concept of seeing the world evolve and people and so on.

Frankie Nobert:

Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's amazing. some amazing things that we look back for sure.

Mark Laurie:

Yeah. So you're at a unique position because you're retired in this recreational quarter that recreational research I just loved it. And so what would be your unique skills? Talent today.

Frankie Nobert:

My unique Oh gee. Well, as a retired research, recreational research person, you know, my skills are hiking and golfing. And, and, you know, and I love it. Because when I'm healthy, right, and well, and that I'm able to do that. So and it's kind of like one of the expressions that I use, I do it because I can and because I can I do it, you know, kind of thing. And they go hand in hand, because I know it's so many from those that I've worked with. And as I look around me that are not healthy. And they are 20 years younger than I am, right? Yep. 10 years younger. But anyway. I don't know that that's what you're looking.

Mark Laurie:

No, that's it's it's pretty wild. I came across a couple while back we met randomly at a theater when they said rate your some of these people. And we were a couple from the States. And they said yeah, we're gonna go, go stage relax. I think I like what Jesus Well, we're coming close retirement. So you divide, divide the rest of her life into three parts. There's gold. She actually said there's four, there's go fast, there's go, there's go slow, and there's no go. And so every time we get that something's up in front of us. And they go, Oh, that's really XC seen the galleries in our hometown. That's a go slow thing. We're not gonna do that now. Because we can go fast. So now we're gonna come across a bicycle. And that's, that's a go fast thing. We can do that now. And so as we hit the point, we can't go fast. We then we're on the go. And then we go slow. And she said that the rule gets smaller. But we're down to the things about the stuff that's go slow. We can go fast, right?

Frankie Nobert:

Oh, exactly. I know. I agree. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, no, I did all the go fast. You know, when I was in my 40s. Sure, so tell us what your journey how it started journey. Oh, heavens, my journey started. It started as a six year old little girl, okay. And who, somewhere around that time, I don't remember exactly, I was sexually abused by my father. And it continued for, I believe, roughly three years. And why or how that sticks, in my mind is that I started my period when I was nine. And that's when it stopped, right? I was taken to the doctor, you know, things happen from there, and so on, so forth. But the family stayed intact. And so I always lived in fear. I was, and life was not about myself and my my brother and sister. It was about my mother was an emotional mess, naturally. And my father was, you know, he worked in oil. And, you know, he was all over the place and whatever. Um, so it wasn't about me. And that's something that I've realized. And it's become really clear, actually, more recently about some of the things that I do in my keeping my pictures. It's like, look at me, I'm here, right? What about me, because that didn't happen. And anyway, as part of that journey, or those that period of time, I was the oldest of three. And I ended up I started babysitting my brother and sister when I was very young, and continued for many, many years. And so in a lot of ways that became the parent right to, to my brother and sister and to my mom and dad, in a lot of ways. And so I learned to look after myself really well. I learned to keep it a secret, learn to stay quiet. And but the thing that kind of kept me going, and is that somewhere along the line, I don't know if it was three or what it was. But somewhere along the line, I guess, I dreamed that there had to be a better life. I just knew there had to be had to be something better than this. And I don't know if that was the key. But I'm, I think the one thing that helped is that my father went overseas to Nigeria, in cheese when I was 15. Right. And we went over there. And that opened up my world in terms of just seeing that there was so much more because I came from a much smaller town than where I am now. For example, yeah. And so it's like, yeah, I can, you know, I know that there's more out there and that dreaming that there had to be a better life. One of the things I always wanted to be was a psychiatrist, right. And of course, this time, you know, got closer in a real life. Tell them how long that took. I thought no, I'm not talking about so so from there, I went to the UFC got my Bachelor of Social Work, you know, it's kind of like what what we do Do you know those that are going to say traumatize those that are molested? And of course, lots of others that are hurt as young children, you know, we often get into helping professions. And part of it and not you know, I'm very aware that it was one of my ways of trying to find some answers, trying to find some understanding and whatnot. And, and so that went along for a little ways and got married at 22. With conscious decision to not have children, right, I raised my brother and sister, that was enough, already had two kids. And I also was not going to take any chance of anything happening to any children that I might have had. And, you know, whether my mother had any idea prior, I have no idea. But it's like, how can you not? Who don't? You know, I don't know. And so anyway, that continued on, and things didn't change drastically. And as they started to change, I finally told my husband after we'd been married for 16 years, and so I was 38 by then. And that's when I started going to retreat, started going to therapy, and so on, so forth. And so did that for quite a while. And life actually got really good. Yeah, but I still had a lot more work to do, I realized, and one of the big things that I still struggled with with was good communication skills, still finding my voice, you know, I'm strong and independent, but it's like, I just would just do what I wanted. I wouldn't say, you know, can I do this? Or maybe not can but, you know, I wouldn't verbalize it. I just do it.

Mark Laurie:

Right.

Frankie Nobert:

And that's not always the kind of thing. And so yeah, so I got acquainted with a group of women about just over five years ago, right. And, through that is we got, you know, it kind of indicated, the whole concept is to create a safe space, right for women to share their story. So when I got started with with this, it was I had no intention of sharing my story with other women, I didn't get into therapy and healing and all this kind of stuff to help other women, that was not my, my original purpose, that's where well, you know, because a lot of women do say that I just want to help someone else's, I just need to fix me. And, and so my journey looked, I think, very selfish to a lot of people because, you know, I did a lot of things, you know, I traveled and, and all this kind of stuff, and, you know, had a great life and a lot of ways and still do. But I still had the dark side there that I still needed to, to work on, so to say. And so, through working with this group and working with finding my voice, you know, that I've learned to share my story. And I've shared my story on stage for women, and I continue to do it very openly and very publicly. No, because I've kind of sorted through the depths and the darknesses. And, and, and I now you talk about writing. Yeah, as I was preparing to stand on stage, you know, my, my talk, I wrote and wrote, I don't know how many times over and over. But in that process, though, I discovered a lot of things. And in terms of perspectives, not necessarily what happened specifically, but perspectives, right, understanding whatever that I was able to let go. And so that's the big difference in terms of now I'm ready to help other women. And the reason again, being is is you know, the statistics supposedly are still one in three. That's what's reported. Yeah, I wasn't reported my sister wasn't reported. All the women that I've talked to haven't been reported. The numbers are still staggering, because it's still it's still an extremely big mental health issue, social issue, I guess, you're supposed to say. And, you know, I go in a room and I bet you probably 90% of us have been affected in one way or another, you know, however, that is, through being sexually abused, molested, you know, whatever, whether it be one time or 10 years, you know, you don't know and that's really sad.

Mark Laurie:

It is. It's, I see it a lot because people come into our photography studio because they're trying to find a piece of themselves. And our studio is represented such a safe place to be. And so they come in and there's this whole pieces around and they get to kind of explore themselves in a way that they that they control for them kind of Yeah, just been kind of wild.

Frankie Nobert:

Yeah, I know. It's like Ah, yeah, cuz it you know, as I shared with you, my I agree, and it's it's not that I hadn't, you know, found that but I found definitely over the last several years. is, you know, that side of me has has, has become awakened for lack of a better word, and it's through, you know, other experiences of, you know, be being nude, not with other men, you know, like yourself, but, you know, with other women and that is, is empowering to do that. And I found kids to be with other women who, again, who are very comfortable with themselves in, you know, they're overweight or they're skinny or whatever it's like, to me, it was like, cut down that were beautiful, regardless, right? Yeah. And kind of the more I keep doing that. It's like, yeah, you know, this, this is good. And it is empowering. And, and, and that being safe in is, again, as I said to you, too, you know, I used to go to, you know, for massages all the time. Yeah. And I would consciously pick a male versus female because for me, it was therapeutic to, again, feel safe. Yep. And yeah. And so that gets back to you know, we talked earlier about safety. Yeah. Mm hmm.

Mark Laurie:

Yeah. So what personality traits are the most part most proud of that to sit back and go, this is the one that this is the one that drives me that people admire me for

Unknown:

oh, God. I was gonna say was, the first word that came from resilience that I don't know.

Mark Laurie:

As we talk, and I got to photoshoots when I think resilience is a bygone one that's gotten to the stage. Yes. I think there's something that was lower than that. That was that's now taking you beyond that stage

Frankie Nobert:

Yeah, I can say tenacity. Just a belief, I guess. As at even though at times, I have and still do struggle with Do I really matter? You know, when I'm triggered? kind of thing. I think there, there's still that deeper belief that Yeah, I do really matter. Yeah, that I am here for a purpose. That definitely is much clearer now. Yeah. Before it wasn't and you know, is talking? Yes, I would, you know, I'm 17. And it's like, God, it's taken me so long. But in reality, it's like, no, this is just the way it's supposed to be. Yeah, you know, and as well as my story is more powerful. Now, it's 70, than it was at 40. For for a lot of women. And so to do what I'm doing, like doing the photoshoot, you know, and saying to my husband that yes, this is her, me. Because I feel good about myself. Yeah. But this is for other women to it, and what I put out on social media to inspire and give them hope that life can be great. We don't have to let that you know, pull us back. Yeah. And or keep us down, whatever, you know, yes, it rears its ugly head every now and then. But doesn't it doesn't last?

Mark Laurie:

No, I found over the years that everyone's got some sort of a struggle. I agree. Actually, if they pay attention themselves, there's some people that you look back and go, you know, if you're a little more self aware, you would realize you just been through something.

Frankie Nobert:

Right? But But when we're in the thick of it, and have gone through it, we don't necessarily so, so I still can't put my finger on it. But, you know, I definitely over the years, I've had different women, you know, I want to be you when I get your rage. But I mean, part of it is is not just that it's it's, it's all those other things that I do is, you know, I have that sense of adventure of life. I'm not scared. I you know, I want to embrace and live life to the fullest and it's not just because I'm this age, I've always been like this. Yeah.

Mark Laurie:

And that sounds you don't get there. Just Oh, look, I'm known x age now. Now it can be whatever. No, but that's the capacitor. He never arrived. Yeah,

Frankie Nobert:

the getting this age sometimes is is is one of the factors that helps one kind of get to the point of saying, No, I give a shit. Yeah, right. There is that. But mine's not just that so much. It's it's all that other stuff. Yeah. as well.

Mark Laurie:

I also think when you get a certain age, like I'm 65 younger than you but is that you've got more look back on and you see history penis selfie start to recognize it over time. This really isn't some to worry about, right? This is so let's spend some energy there. Man. When I was young, I was starting off photographer there's a guy that was I thought semis my toys. It was arrogant with what can we come up with an idea somewhere here by through my association, I can do that. This is a brilliant idea. And he wouldn't let us do it. And now years later, and what it amounted to was the idea is so stupid. It's so obviously gonna fail. We're not gonna spend any time talking about it. And in my goodness of time, I know, it's brilliant because I thought of it. It's a no, raise. I'm the old guy, because sometimes I go, I don't have time to talk about stupid ideas, you know, and I'm not. And I'm not gonna say the time to tell you how stupid it is. I'm not quite that blunt. It was like, really? Yeah, we're gonna, we've got there's other things we can talk about, or we can get into or do but that one's gonna end badly. And I just reckon we vaulted. We got that that age thing gets

Frankie Nobert:

right for us. Yeah, I agree. And I've gotten better with that, too. I remember, when I was much younger, I was very much I thought I had all the answers. And I remember I, I probably really preached a lot. And I know my sister used to just hate it, you know, and he's all these big words and whatnot. And now, I sit back, and I listen to these younger women. And for the most part, actually, they're very, they're very wise to Yeah. And but I don't step in and necessarily this and this, and this, because it's like, no, everyone's journey is personal. Everyone's journey is different than we have to, we have to learn our own lessons, whatever

Mark Laurie:

that is, however, we need to one thing I have discovered, is that enthusiasm can go a long way, like it can stuff that would have stopped different projects because of lack of enthusiasm, or lack of belief in it. Or unbridled enthusiasm will carry it through. And also, it will solve that you go I should have failed. But there's such a strong belief, it's not going to fail. They just, you know, they find they find a way. Yeah, yeah. You know, and, and so I've also been in the same thing as to, to not quite some Second, you can look back, okay, there's, that's really a fail. Like, there's just, there's just stuff I'm when I was a kid, my dad was trying to center a curtain. And, and I said, You can't do that. And you can't, because this man loves you can do this. And that's it. I'll make you a bet. So sure, cuz I was right. I think I was 16. Yeah. So I did have one point that says he looked like I was getting close. He knew that it couldn't happen. But I came so damn close to him. But he was right, it mathematically could not happen. And I did mistake dinner, which was another hilarious story on its own.

Frankie Nobert:

yeah. Yeah. No, it really is, is fascinating. I surround myself or have surrounded myself with some brilliant women over the last several years. And and much younger. And I, it they give me hope, like, when you talk about pregnant women, right, they give me hope to, because I often will applaud them is like, I am so grateful that you're doing this work now. Right? I mean, it took me so long to you know, to get started, and the fact that you're doing it now, and following your dreams, you know, whatever, I think is just absolutely amazing. And so, you know, that inspires me as well to kind of keep going to, and even though you know, they get I have one friend in particular who calls me you know, her and her wise owl. And, and I mean, she she means it endearingly because of age and but it blows me away. Because I you know, I think that whatever it is that I've just said, isn't really that, you know, that brilliant event? No, because that's just who we are. Right?

Mark Laurie:

We arrived with that I had a friend one time who told me that you don't realize how old you are, and you should begin summits and catch up with him. I'm not gonna buy into that story. I think I'll stay really, really young until suddenly I'm old. Right? But women, I've come to this for 40 years now. This is my 14th year photography. And I'm seeing women who are like 4050, well, back then, women would not come in to do nudes or even been la in the 80s. Really much past 40. It was and the women who are in there for me is probably like a 20 year difference now like women are in their 40s or 50s. They looked and acted like women who were in their 70s. Now like there's a there's a massive body shape difference. You have women who are coming all fairness back then to is the people in their 50s are much closer to the grave. The ones now right. There's a member a friend of mine said he had a felon die. It was a 10 year gap. And everyone's like, well, he had a long life. I think he died six years ago. Then 10 years later, five years later, was another family member dying to get all so young. And he was like 65 versus the same age. Yeah. But the but our health Ranger change the term Yeah, what kind of

Frankie Nobert:

Yeah, happens? Yeah, very definitely. I agree. And I know myself like, as you said, You know, I taught swimming right for for 35 years. I also have been a personal trainer for the last 22 years. And so, and I was an anomaly as well, I mean, you know, that isn't the norm and so on. Being a gym rat. I mean, most women, not snot what they do so, but they're I'm not the only one that does that either. So you're right, it does, it does make a difference. And so that that fits like with the, the comment I put in my bio was that, and I used to have that mentality for a lot of years that I'm defying age, right? And it's realizing now, especially as I've gotten older is that, no, I'm not justifying age. I'm trying to define it. And in that sense, define what it can look like. Yeah, you know, we life isn't over at 16. That no was at one time. Yeah. Yeah.

Mark Laurie:

That's that's the that's the shift that's happening is people kind of going back in the day, you have a vocation. And that's what you ended with. Yes. And now, like, also having back the day, what the stats are, is that you would more likely when you fall in your parents profession. And the guy with the fellows petition, he says, Well, that's no longer possible. Because your ferret parents position, vocation, may well not exist by the time they're a business of ages. It's a gone gone thing. Oh, for sure. Go Wow. That's really kind of a profound.

Frankie Nobert:

Again, in terms of how how society has has shifted so drastically, yeah. Right.

Mark Laurie:

So what is the biggest thing you failed to learn from?

Frankie Nobert:

Oh, my God, I failed at.

Mark Laurie:

Thats what's called an interesting conversation.

Frankie Nobert:

Oh, I know. what I failed at. failed at relationship. And a lot of ways, you know, I've I hate to say I've failed at my marriage, even though I'm still married. But at the same time, it also is what has helped grow Me, too. Because again, it is it is those things that are difficult, that make us

Mark Laurie:

girls, that's where we grow from that I should qualify, my version of failure. Because failure, like failure of a marriage, for example, is when you leave the marriage.

Frankie Nobert:

Yeah, well, no, that hasn't happened.

Mark Laurie:

So for my because I failed so many ways on so many levels. But I've always got back up again, and said, Okay, well, so that didn't work. I think one of my hold ears is was was Edison and his arm to burn down. Oh, they were talking about his light bulb. Right? We're not awakened to the guy. So well, tomorrow we start building but his his light bulb, and the guy says, Well, how many of these have you done? Because he's for sure this was the work. The report is Aaron. But the switch was dead. Yeah, those were that was a fail. He says no, not we've we've that's not a failure. What is it? It's dead. It's just oh, well, what we've learned is one more way the light bulb won't work. And that is not a failure. That's progress.

Frankie Nobert:

That's that's that's me everyday when I'm golfing.

Mark Laurie:

I could not get into golfing. It just

Frankie Nobert:

I know you're not looking for something that's simple. But anyways,

Mark Laurie:

my experience of golf is I discovered I was conditioned to hit in the rough because I just covered where we were out. There's blueberry patches. So I hit the rock in the rough and I was like I could spend a half hour in blueberries in the rough.

Frankie Nobert:

Yeah, kind of up the game. I agree. I agree. Oh, dear.

Mark Laurie:

So you had to give up anything to get where you are right now like this, this current level of awareness. Did that come with a price?

Frankie Nobert:

Come with a price? Oh, yes. Yeah,

Mark Laurie:

so what kind of prices up Did you get to this level of, of knowledge or awareness of yourself?

Frankie Nobert:

Well, right now, I would say you know, it doesn't look like anything but in terms of what I'd given up. I guess one thing that has occurred to me and I don't know if it really is important, but you know, I haven't worked you know, yes, I worked at the swimming pool, but in terms of I haven't had a job in terms of you know, like, like Marla like cam whatever, you know, serving women, you know, yes, I'm serving women now. But you know, it's it's a side gig right to say right, okay, you know, let's be honest, it's it's not my life isn't that kind of thing. What have I given up? I don't know if I've given up but part of my journey to get here. And it was part of my my coping mechanisms when I was younger, is lost a lot of relationships, because I was so shut down. So I was not close with my sister and my brother. Still not in my still not with my brother and my sister died 2021 years ago. So we kind of meant it a little bit the last year of her life that she was alive. And not that that's all on me, because she had her ratio is 233 Yeah, because I didn't, I didn't know, of all of all those, you know, years growing up, I did not know until, you know, that last year of her life that she had been abused by her father as well. And, anyway, so we weren't close. And now I can say wasn't close with family wasn't close with, with a lot of people. You know, I just kept my distance from, from a lot of people and kept my distance in many ways from my husband in those early years until, you know, I started doing some healing that I was able to let him in. And but it took a long time.

Mark Laurie:

And those things aren't easy to let let people especially when not been kind of conditioning. That's, that's the, one of the hallmarks I think of awareness as you start thinking is love quotes and so on. And so the thrust of it is, is it the, the wise man knows he knows nothing? Yeah, that's Yeah, that's the whole set. The whole basis of it needs you as the more you learn, the more you see, the more you travel, the more you realize how big the world is, and how much there is out there that much of it's just sparkly and cool,

Frankie Nobert:

And how much more you really can learn or need to learn or whatever. Yeah, but there's,

Mark Laurie:

it's, as an art artist, there's a process, you go through everything. Oh, is this magic thing? You make choices? And so I decide. So for example, it's okay, we're gonna do nudes. Okay. Well, that means really pretty flower reclose art become part of it. Like you actually make it and it's not that regretful, like, okay, so we'll make this one choice, and 75% of things that our table no longer applicable, then you make a second choice and all sudden, half what you left is gone. Yeah. And some of those things are sparkly. You'd like to have them but they don't fit. Yeah. And so we could pick them up in a different time. Yeah. for it. And so let's, you always leave things behind some things are bigger regrets and others. That's right.

Frankie Nobert:

Exactly. And and hopefully somewhere along the way, you can not make up for it. But you can bridge that gap or whatever with with some, some of it anyway. And if not that with that which you can still enrich your life to still make connections, whatever.

Mark Laurie:

I also think that you have to be aware of what you're losing. Mm hmm. So you make you make an intentful choice.

Frankie Nobert:

Well, at some point, when you're able to

Mark Laurie:

say, Okay, well, this is I'm making this choice. So I because I think if you make intentional choices, and you're aware of what's what's weighed them what's going up. Yeah, there's less regret.

Frankie Nobert:

Yes, I agree. But I think the awareness is is key first. Yeah. Because like, initially, I wasn't aware. Yes, necessarily. What I doing was doing it was a survival survival period. And, you know, I was aware that I was escaping or not aware, but I, you know, I knew I was escaping, but there was the other part of me that, you know, I, I couldn't do otherwise. Yeah. But once I progressed in, you know, moved along a little further than I realized that Yeah, now I have some choices. And now I realize, you know, that there are some other things that I can do, and, and need to do, if it's what I want, you know, again, in terms of the relationship if this is what I want. And and, and that's the one thing that I've really learned over the, these, this last well, little while to is that, you know, I can't change what my husband does say or not, or, or anybody, right. But if it bothers me, then it's up to me to do with every part is that I want to do or need to do. And if he responds, fine, if he doesn't, well, you know, that's on him. But yeah, you know, I can only do what I can do. And so I think that has that has helped in terms of again, letting go of responsibility for anybody else in anything.

Mark Laurie:

And that's a powerful step to take. And it's gotta be hard because when you do that, you you suddenly have a sense your lovin but not in a lonely way is the back it's okay. Well, these choices that I get to make and the content and the consequences that that a lot people don't want to have, though they don't take responsibility for the consequences of their actions. When in fact that's all we have. Yes it everything out and I think when you are aware that you did responsible for the consequences, good or bad. That's God's consequences always felt like a bad word. So it doesn't its consequences what you've done, yeah, I get cotton candles way to go. But 50% of the time or more the consequences are good consequences. You know, I decide to ask what's often the date. Actually, I didn't but we never dated which got married, but we decided to get married. We decided to go see this movie was a thrilling time because it was a console. What's your kind of good for them? But yeah, one of the things I think is kind of wild is is the number of role models like when you're going through your shift and path. There wasn't a lot of visible role models now. But with social media and more people being opened things like this blog cast, yes. There's suddenly people can go, that's a role model. They broke the mold, right? I can follow that path.

Frankie Nobert:

Yeah. Yeah. And I don't recall seeing role models, far as other women when I was younger, but when I started my journey, back in the 80s, Wayne Dyer was one of my mentors. Yeah, he was one of my queues of people that Oh, yeah. He said, I really loved him and Louise Hay, kind of the two key people and there were others. But those were that far as that part of the journey was concerned. And I met during retreats, I'd mean the, you know, others, right. In terms of again, realizing that I wasn't the only one that was abused in it was, interestingly enough, I met met probably more men than women that had been in it's like, wow, you know, so that kind of opens up your world. Anyway, so just continued. But the role models when it came to being healthy, and being healthy and strong getting older, that I had, I tried to think of, I remember reading the fitness bodybuilding magazines when I was younger, so I could see the women there, even though I didn't know them. But I remember being connected with the bike, a Bicycle Club, and joining different because I wanted to do cycling's and so join different ones. And I was usually the youngest in the group, right. And in fact, I went to Maui with a group of seniors, we did a cycled Maui, and I was 40. And the seniors are 67, 70 and 74. Okay, so, so seeing that, right, and being with them was really powerful for me in terms of how I'm continued to move in further in, in, you know, my future as far as my health and fitness was concerned. And then of course, you we always often have the negative side too. And so, you know, my parents, both being alcoholics, right. My mother wasn't when I was growing up, but she was later on and my father was an alcoholic. And then, of course, all the people that they were with in my mom's parents were lived close by, and they were alcoholics. And fat Grandma, Grandpa, grandpa got picked up by the cops on his way home. And he always said, I will never they will never get me to court. And he shot himself before that.

Mark Laurie:

Wow. Yes, that's very drastic. Anyway, so all those kind of negative We don't recommend that, by the way, no.

Frankie Nobert:

But you know, the negative stuff that a lot of a see, for me, that was beneficial to see what I don't want to be. And, you know, and then because I was able to see how they were meant to in a lot of ways, you know, in those last years of my mother's life, and she died 20 years ago, 22 years ago, is they weren't happy. Yeah. But they hadn't dealt with their issues either.

Mark Laurie:

Yeah, so yeah, I have probably mentioned this before, it's one of my favorite visions. It's this guy is out walking. He hears this horribly, mournful sound, and source it access acuity ammo in great distress and comes across this guy down the curb reading this paper, there's a dog sitting beside him, not in the leash, just sit beside him. And he's great painting as somebody who knows, but dogs, he pain, he says, I know he's sitting on a nail. This guy says what are going to do?. Well, nothing, when it hurts enough he'll move. Right?

Frankie Nobert:

Then that applies.

Mark Laurie:

They're really stuck. But just going back for seconds you hit on think's really important is that everyone thinks of role models. And what I want to be that's what's going to find me. And when we're in marketing, you're talking about branding. And this becomes a personal thing is that he says you were defined as much by what you don't do or what you don't want to be as what you do. And so seeing role models, goalkeeper that found out drunk, abusive language, in competence, whatever it is, I'm not loyal, dear friends. That is something that I am not. Right. And so you have reverse role models.

Frankie Nobert:

There is a term for it. I don't remember either. But yes, I agree. It's very powerful. And yeah, it was very clear to me about that's not how I want to live. Yeah. You know, it just it

Mark Laurie:

got to see both sides. Yeah, yes. has been really fascinating. This has been really kind of cool. The group you without who mentioned it. It's called the j

Frankie Nobert:

it's called the uncommon woman ministry. And there is a section or side of, of it called the uncommon women chapters. And the chapters are a are smaller groups of women. And so there are directors of which I'm one. So there are directors for the western Canada directors for the week east. And there are directors in the states as well. So there's several smaller groups, right. So

Mark Laurie:

I'll put all that information in your bio yet. So if you're listening to this to go, Oh, I want to know more than just by when you'll see some historian. We'll have a bunch of links down there for you so much for joining me. This has been wonderful.

Frankie Nobert:

Thank you very much.

introduction:

This has been fascinating women with Mark Laurie. Join us on our website and subscribe at fascinating women dossier fascinating women has been sponsored by inner spirit photography of Calgary, Alberta, and is produced in Calgary by Lee of us and my office media.