Kerri Cust is a bold and intimate woman. She did not start out that way, but a switch flipped in that put her on a quest. There must be more! Along the way she became fearless. She opened up so so many possibilities. She came to demand of her self a real life, an intimate life; seeking out enriching opportunities. Kerri talks about all of this.
Even what you do when you fundamentally change but those in your family and friends don't, how to keep a relationship with them.
Kerri is transparent about her journey, her interaction with friends, along with her personal discoveries. I believe you will find nuggets of truths you can use in her conversation.
Kerri Cust Bio
Self Love & Intimacy Coach
Kerri Cust had it all, the man, the marriage, the great job, the house and babies were soon to follow. She had everything she thought she needed in order to be happy but when it all came together she wasn't.
After leaving her marriage, the loss of her brother shortly followed. She then embarked on a spiritual journey where she found herself living in a tantric community in the gulf of Thailand. There she discovered what it felt like to feel true desire and pleasure. Through opening up to her sexual and sensual self her life changed, she began to feel alive, passionate and juicy.
Now she guides women and couples to ignite their sexual energy and to have deep intimacy and experience true pleasure.
About Mark Laurie - Host.
Mark has been transforming how women see themselves, enlarging their sense of sexy, expanding their confidence in an exciting adventure that is transformational photography.
Sound Production by:
Lee Ellis - firstname.lastname@example.org
Reach out to Lee for your Sound Production
You're listening to fascinating women with Mark Laurie. And now, Mark Laurie.Mark Laurie:
Hello everyone, this is Mark Laurie from inner spirit photography. Now I'm from fascinating women podcast usually find me behind the camera with some wonderful men in front of it. But this time, I have wonderful men on the other end of the microphone, telling them telling us and you their interesting stories and what makes them fascinating even though at times they may not have noticed that they were carving out a path that was kind of unique. Today, I've got Carrie cast, she has been on an amazing journey for her young life course on my major when seems younger, but she has gotten some real twists and turns I think you would benefit from having some insights on So welcome, Carrie.Kerri Cust:
Thanks, Mark. Thank you for having me.Mark Laurie:
Carrie has gone from being a happily married to suddenly aware not happily married, for no particular reason wife onto this amazing theater that has wound her up being what is called a intimacy and self love coach. So before we get into all that stuff, what is an intimacy and self love coach?Kerri Cust:
Well, what I do is I help people to awaken more have a deeper sense of intimacy, and a deeper sense of self love. So it's like, it's all an inner game. So it's looking at, you know, kind of how can especially as women, how can we open and drop into sort of ourselves and our sensuality, and be available to more intimacy so more depth, more connection in our relationships, you know, all relationships, not just romantic relationships, but romantic relationships seems to be the hot topic. So it's like how can we have real intimacy because there's a difference between between having more sex which I think people want, but I think there's a quality of sex we're really looking for of like real intimacy and depth and having, you know, emotional depth with another person. So that's what I help people along with, along with some other things of body love and women awaking means sort of their sensuality, and they're interested after the seductive goddess.Mark Laurie:
Now, that's going to come with some with some pitfalls that I imagine because when you're in a relationship, whether it's be with friends, family lovers, as soon as you start to go on a journey of self improvement, especially something so intimate, and if your partner or circle of friends are not on the same journey, they decide that they're quite happy where they are, you're gonna have some pretty big upheavals in life, aren't you? Do you see that at times? Yeah,Kerri Cust:
I think that anytime that you go on sort of your own personal journey, or a spiritual quest, spiritual journey, whatever you want to call it, no matter what that looks like, it's going to ruffle the feathers of other people, because it sort of mirrors to them, maybe what they're not doing. Or, you know, when, you know, I had that I was, I'm sure we'll get into this, but I was married. And I made the decision to leave very painful decision to leave. And a lot of people were like, oh, what, and there's a lot of people that just didn't want to kind of froze, and I lost a lot, I lost some people in my life and had deeper connections with some as well since then. And so it does bring up a lot of people stuff, especially in my story of, and what I guide people through of like, sort of awakening more this central aspect of themselves and having deeper intimacy. It's like, oh, it really can be quite confronting for other people. So yes, that can definitely happen. And my decision was, and I, you know, always recommend people, you know, to really choosing themselves, it's like, what? Something's pulling you and calling you. And it's like, okay, we have the trust in that. And I don't think anyone is served when you choose to say to stay small.Mark Laurie:
I think you're right. I've encountered that. I've done lots of different growth courses and stuff over the years. And that is the biggest thing. There is a fellow, he was able to interview this is dying giant of our times, and he was an architect, and he had accomplished stuff that was beyond most people's imagination. So this report is talking about his deathbed. Let's be close with that, I guess. And he says so and so much. Looking back. What do you regret is? This is the man that's done more than we can imagine. Right? He says, Oh, I thought so small. It was just I'm reading this thing was like a mind blowing moment that no matter what stage you're at, and the other character I encountered was a. It was an interesting pitch. It was a coaching course for making more money and breaking some mental boundaries down this one guy goes up. He says, You know, I don't think this is the course for me. The guy says, Well, why do you say he says, well, because I've been making $5 million every year for the last eight years. Okay, so it's really, why do you think you've stopped at $5 million, the he goes, Oh, crap, I gotta take the course.Kerri Cust:
That was my question of like, you know, what would more look like and it was great to get people to think about That's like cable, life's pretty good, pretty comfortable. Like, okay, and what would more look like? Like? How can we really delve in and experience life fully in the pleasures and the connections and the intimacy that everything that life can bring? It's like, why not stop here? It's like, there's always more to open to to expand in and, you know, and therefore more alive, more passion to experience more joy, all that stuff.Mark Laurie:
It's always starts with the question I can then to move along. You don't really, you just don't question stuff. But as soon as you start questioning things, why is this? And why is that or somebody points out the obvious. That's why it's nice to have somebody along with you that pokes you occasionally and says, so really, that's kind of lazy, isn't it?Kerri Cust:
It's good to have coaches, because then people are like, Well, why? Why about this? Or what? Why not that or why this or? And it's like, Huh, I never really thought about that. It's like, that's when the wheels start to turn. And that's a good thing of like, starting to become more aware. Because it's like, you know, what would more look like? Is this all? Like, when I was married? I was like, Is this all that there is in life? And I was like, Well, I hope not. Kind of, and I was like, started, you know, and I didn't know where that would take me. But I was like, oh, something's sort of turning and something's not really working. And sort of I made a decision. And I mean, it was a big leap of faith off, but I think it usually does, when we've really followed that like that again. But you know, I can,Mark Laurie:
one of the things I encountered and and, and we've talked a little bit over the over the time that we've known each other has has been the hesitancy that, that if you hesitate, it's in the leap, like athletes experiences, that's when you're lost. Like you, you sit back and say, Okay, so I'm going to do this. And then halfway through, oh, you do this, you're going to crash, like your momentum is gone. And you start hitting walls. But if you just follow your, your leap of faith, I guess it is. And it usually turns out that better than a few get self doubt in the middle.Kerri Cust:
Definitely. And I think there's something about, you know, we want to know, we want to know, like what's going to happen, and we should know more and whatever. And it's like, there is a real power in innocence, of like this place of wonderment. So when I went on my, my travels, I was like, Okay, I'm just going to show up. And I had some things planned, of course of you know, I'm going to go here, here, here, and then I'm going to go work overseas. And, but there was a lot of like, letting it unfold. And really when I I look back at that time, and when I really trusted in that. And it was sort of very from this trusting innocent place. It's like the things that came to me of just like how things were sorted and organized and people I met and how things unfolded perfectly. I was like, oh, okay, like there is, you know, we really do get in our own way a lot of times.Mark Laurie:
As taking advantage the moment I remember I was talking to a general one time and I was curious, because the Marines down in the States, they go through all the everyday it seems like they're doing another simulation or battle plan or something I said, so when you hit the ground against Oh, this is like plan number 24 goes on. He says no matter what we've done, when the boots hit the ground, it's never the same. Okay, it's always different what to festival than while the trains is because there's a thinking process that's going to happen. And therefore it's successful for but but one of the things you talked about, to me while back was when you went on your journey was like a big Southern Asia trip that you went on. And you encountered this tragic note 10 got their lives and walked in. I was just because because you walked into this thing and you think you're expecting one thing, and it turned out to be a completely new experience. What brought you like, just the short version brought you right to that thing. And then the more of the experience of what happened, you walked in this thing. And suddenly, it was not what you expected. And it was much better in the end.Kerri Cust:
So yeah, so close note version I was I had a pretty traditional life. Like I worked in human resources, I was married, we had to have like Check, check checked all the boxes, life looked pretty great. I was really unhappy. I made the decision to leave, which was excruciating. And I sort of naively thought it was like a Eat Pray Love journey. Here we go. And then my brother died three weeks later, my brother died by suicide. And so I went on this whole journey. You know, just really some inner work some inner healing and processing grief and really started to look at my life because it was like, Whoa, something's trying to get my attention here. Like life's not really going in the direction I thought it would. Okay. And so just over a year after, so I during that time I went to Bali and then I came back and then just over a year after leaving, like the death of my brother and leaving my marriage, I decided to sell everything and travel. I was going to work in Australia and I was gonna have I think three or four months traveling So I met someone, and he told me about the yoga school in Thailand. And I was like, Okay, well go there for three months. And I'll do yoga. And so I get there. And so this is like total trust in the process I've got there and like having to do yoga. And I get there, and it's a Tantra school. And like, okay, so I kind of heard that they did Tantra classes, and I was like, okay, but this is like, sort of really what they're known for. And there's a lot of like, a lot of women like, in their really feminine and really open and showing their bellies and I'm like, Fuck, like I said, it was brought up, right. And then I was like, You know what, I'm here. It's this little island, there's not really too much to do. I was like, I'm going to do this, these workshops, these tattoo workshops, kind of like when in Rome. Yep. And I was like, Okay, well, I'm here. And, you know, I'm sitting there tight, my body, and I started to hear, and, you know, and learn and have different experiences, like exercises of like, the power of sexual energy, the power of really being a woman of femininity, what that really means the power that that holds how women, you know, are really like a goddess in the whole world of energies. And so, and learning about the power of sensuality and the power of your sexual energy. So I remember being in this workshop, and this was sort of a big game changer. And I was, you know, we had to dress like the goddess and I was like, Okay, I'm dressed like a goddess. And I had to learnMark Laurie:
when you dress like a goddess, like, so you're not you won't walk into somebody's nude, you walk in guys says dress, like a goddess,Kerri Cust:
everything, everything I did in these workshops was closed. So it was all closed. But then, you know, and leading up to that I had been doing exercises of like, talking in groups of like, what I like sexually and like fantasies, and I'm like, I have never shared with anyone, not even when I was married. And so I you know, and through sort of these intimate interactions, like I started to, like feel real, like a lightness and play and enjoyment and real connection, and what things weren't superficial. And so it's something started to awaken in me. And it's like, doing a lot of exercises of like, movement and, you know, hip movements, and, you know, showing another man, like, how I like to be touched and allowing him to do that. And it's like, Wow, I've never, it was just so like, opening for me. And so I remember being in this like striking my Goddess Pose, and like my red skirt, and whatever I was wearing and, and this man, so it's like he prostrated himself. So bow like before me while I struck this Goddess Pose. And it was in that moment, and it had nothing to do with him. It was all an internal experience of myself. It's like, well, this is me. This is my true nature, this the central this alive, this powerful goddess. And so I had this, this experience of finally feeling like this power, this potential my sexual energy, I finally felt desire for the first time pleasure for the first time, I was like, Oh, well, this is, this is what it's all about. This is my natural state. This is how I was like, wow, you can feel like this in life. I had no idea that was the first time that I ever was like, wow, you can feel like this. And like, life can be this good. And so I was like, striking my pose. And I was just like, I realized at the end, I was like, well, this is why everything happened, I needed to come here and learn this. And it's like, a total game changer. Like, it's just, you know, it's hard to describe in words, because it's something you almost need a tangible experience of. It's like, feeling that sexual energy and feeling that empowerment. And it's just how when that energy is awakened, how it affects other areas of your life, it's unbelievable. It's like, Okay, well, I'm not gonna put up with that anymore. It's like, that's way too small. I want it's like, you know, what you're capable of, and you know, how you can really feel in life. It's like, wow, I want to feel that everywhere. And so that was a game changing experience. And that I so after being there, I had to go back to I had to go to Australia to work. And I found myself always coming back. And I did more trainings, more feminine practices, more movement, more yoga. And I was in London, I always came back and then I got the opportunity to live there for a year and a half. So I was quite immersed in that life.Mark Laurie:
So this is like India for a year and a half.Kerri Cust:
No, this is Thailand. So it was in the middle school was in the Gulf of Thailand. Yeah. Yeah. Tantra does originate from India, but they just happen to have a split in Thailand. I thinkMark Laurie:
that is also zero. Like, you know, that took you three months. But was there a moment where you suddenly felt this thing like that was the goddess moment or was it something sort of slowly built and you go, Oh, I noticed that for the first time or is it just suddenly there's this experience and and you you had the wait? Awaken your awareness wherever he wants to be called.Kerri Cust:
Yeah, I think that moment was a big one for me, because it's like, wow, I could really feel it for the first time. And it's and everything that I had done before that had sort of was creating sort of an opening for that to happen. And so that was a big moment for me. But then when I kept coming back, it's, you know, sometimes, and this is what I'm really all about. It's like, when I came back, I started to be immersed in the in the community and learning more and more and more, it began to become embodied in me, rather than just a peak experience. Like, I could all I could go back to my life and think about like, Oh, I remember that goddess moment. And it was great. And it's like, but when I really started to, like, do more practices and how I carried myself in daily life, and how I approached life was different, I began to really embody it, it's like, well, I'm going to live from this place isn't just going to be a peak experience that I just now go back and continue to play small. It's like, wow, how do I like, live from this place like this? Like, how do I walk into a Starbucks in this sort of Goddess vibe? You know, how can I live from that place of really being aware of my sexual energy, the power of being sensual, and how that impacts you know, so much in our life, like, it just you become like, especially for women's, like, you're, there's an inner radiance, you just become so magnet magnetic. And it's like, well, I want to live from that place. So when I started to continue my practice, and continue like my, my trainings and living there, it just became, it became more and more integrated in who I was. And so yes, the goddess moment was a big peak experience. And then it was a continue Can you will continue, excuse me, living our processing or practicing sort of what my, what it meant for me to be a feminine woman, for my flavor, feminine, be every woman is different. And it's like starting to live from that place and really embody it and be thatMark Laurie:
we see a lot with our work. So a lot of women come in and we do our photo session, and they go through that kind of experience. And the photographs, what the return to I don't think it's quite as powerful as going back to a workshop to seminars, and, and building with knowledge onto it. And that's really kind of wild. When you're part of our her body speaks project. And you'd come across, there's three words you said that kind of guided you, which was belonging, courage and liberation. So what is courage mean to you, when you sit back and go, Oh, this, this is, is my living courage? What is what is that?Kerri Cust:
Well, courage, liberation, and belonging are my two core values. So I think we everyone has core values that they're born with. And it's really important to know what those are. Because oftentimes, in life, when we're off path, it's like, if we knew our values, it's like, oh, wow, I'm not in line with those at all. Okay, that's probably why things aren't working out. So I became aware of those probably just started doing some work just after the death of my brother. So I knew that courage was something that was really important to me. And if I look back as a kid, there was some as a very outspoken sort of kid, so that was my courage. I might, I might have came out unhealthy ways. But now, so I'm gonna go with that. Yeah, so courage, to me is like the willingness to sort of take, it's like, feel the fear and do in any way, the willingness to be vulnerable. And to really have that leap of faith and it takes, you know, courage of just like, No, I'm, you know, I'm worthy of more, I don't know what this is gonna look like, and I'm scared shitless. And I feel really vulnerable. But I'm going to do, I'm going to choose myself and I'm going to, you know, for me, it was answering this call this poll, it's like, okay, I don't know, really what I'm doing here. And the world tells me I'm crazy. But here we go. Like so. And so that has really been something that's been a real big, you know, quality or attribute of mine, of just being able to be really courageous. And it's, I mean, I don't think I could have done any of my journey if I didn't have courage.Mark Laurie:
knew that leap. But now courage is almost the, in some ways, the opposite of belonging, like belonging sort of brings the thing that, okay, so we're kind of all the same, and we all fit this kind of thing. But courage is a breakout. How do you What is your definition of belonging as it relates to courage?Kerri Cust:
Well, I think belonging is that, for me, my experience of having true belonging is like when I, when I'm received authentically, but other people and I am, like I show I have to show up authentically for you to be perceived and have that sense of belonging. So how if I look back at my own journey, how they've worked, it's like it took courage for me to step out, and at least sort of follow my truth, right? And then it was very liberating the whole experience of like I find, igniting your sexual energy is just like it's very liberating. And then but through that I found true belonging because I wasn't I was coming from a more authentic place. And so it's just like the connections I made, you know, overseas, it's like I was having like depths of still to this day people that I could, even if we haven't seen each other for years, like call up or whatever, and having, it's like, wow, I really can be authentically myself and I can really be at home here with this person, and I can show up, no matter what that looks like, good, bad, ugly, divine. And I'm, I'm received in that space, I belong that person, you know, I belong there in that moment. And, and, and to be fair, like, even some friends, you know, my best friend was with me through this whole thing. And our relationship had really deepened. So it's like, there is a sense of belonging, when it's like that true authentic connection. And I have other friends that are like, you know, we'll just, whatever you throw at us, we're used to it now. But you know, it's like, we accept you, and we'd love you, and we're there for you. And so it's having that, but from a more authentic place. So it's like, if I wouldn't have had the courage and liberate into what I was, how I really was, it's like, I think my relationships would have been a lot more superficial. And I might have looked like I belonged, but I'm not, I would have really felt like that sense of belonging and mattering to other people.Mark Laurie:
That's, um, it's pretty powerful. The feeling that you're that you make a difference in people's lives, but there's a group of people here with, that you're being there makes a difference to them, to the richness of their lives and so on, and that they're being there makes a difference to yours. And that's a, that's a huge thing to discover. I can just imagine, as you teach your own students or students, that always seems the wrong word when you're in a coach position, butKerri Cust:
clients, but I think oftentimes, like the importance of, you know, for coaches to really, it's obviously want a coach that walks their talk, and does their own work, right. And so that's something that is really important to me, because it's like, when I and I've noticed this from, you know, the changes that I've gone through the past, you know, what is seven, almost eight years now. And it's just, there is a place where it's like, you really do it for yourself to really better and, and follow that, you know, that poll or whatever is calling you, you do it for yourself, and that personal work, but and then the impact, what you don't realize is the impact that that has on people, you've just you've been there just me being in a room, or having a conversation, meeting someone over dinner, or then with clients. It's like, yeah, there's a process that I take. But then there's also something that I'm just naturally bringing, because of the work and the work that I've done, or that energy that I choose to live in or practice. And it's like that comes in, and it can't not influence and inspire. And I mean it with what I do, oftentimes, it's like, ooh, let people run away. But then a lot of times, it's like, oh, the year sort of leans into here. So and I'm, I'm good with either, but I'm yeah, so it's just like I show up as me and I, you know, I really believe this stuff. And I walk my talk and I you know, nothing has made me feel more alive, or connected. And that power, sensuality is just like, Oh, this feels good. And like for me, and then, you know, how that ripples out to people is like, you never know what that's gonna look like. But it does. And it's really powerful and really inspiring to people.Mark Laurie:
So the power of sensuality, that's with our culture, that that brings in more of an intimate bedroom setting almost into it. But you're talking about going through your whole life on a daily basis. What does that look like, on a daily basis as you interact with people from that, that standpoint?Kerri Cust:
So sensuality is, like, I would describe it as, like, an engagement with the senses. So it's like, we often can see women who are, you know, maybe women from like, more South America, like when they walk. Like, it's almost like really, like they're feeling themselves. And then they can feel it's like, I think it's Maya Angelou, that there's a, I'm gonna probably butcher this, should we march. But it's like walking through the earth, like, you've got diamonds between your thighs. It's like that. Walking in that having that knowing of like, wow, this like power and this, like radiance, and this magnetism, it's like, that's all in you. And you own that. No one gives that to you. You got that? So no, no coach can give that to you know, photography is such it's like, all we're doing is just awake, guiding to awaken that with you. And so, in terms of sensuality, so it's like walking through life with that knowing of that empowerment and knowing that it isn't anything external. it this is all me and I even and there's a woman I also have a podcast and podcasts coming up soon and she talks. She talks about how she broke she worked on Wall Street and she broke the glass ceiling. And she's like, that's how I did it. I wake my sexual energy and she was more of a sensual woman. And she owned that power and inside, it is something so magnetic once you awaken it, people are like, oh, they're attracted. And it's like things just seem to. And that's the thing with sensuality. When you awaken your sensuality, there's no getting, there's no doing, there's no getting the man, there's no doing this. There's no having to do that to get that. It's like there's this radiance. And it's almost like, things just come to you. Like you're magnetic, they show up for you. It's, you know, sometimes people get freaked out by the word, seductress. Because that's such a negative connotation, because we have so much shame around sex and sexuality. But if you think of almost like an actress, I can never say that word. But it's like a woman sitting in like, the, like, in, in a forest. And like, she's just sitting there reading and all these animals just come to her. It's like that energy. And it's like, wow, how can you awaken the sexual energy and knowing that you have that, and it's just like, letting really things just come to you? The flow of it?Mark Laurie:
Yeah. It's gotta be scary for a lot of women who have got a mundane life and are starting to wake up to realize that my life is mundane, I don't like one day. And then taking that next, that next jump. I mean, going from Monday to full throttle Monday into full throttle is is is scary. And, and even though you've got coaches, and you got people supporting you, the sacred it's a long ways down.Kerri Cust:
Yeah, and I think when people are just starting, I think that most people, people don't give a lot of credit to the subtle. I think the subtle is really, really powerful. So it's like, okay, so thinking of like, what, where you are, and maybe, you know, seeing people, you know, maybe seeing someone like me, or people that I knew in Thailand, it's like, well, that's a bit much. It's like, there's little things that we can start to do. And there's power and subtlety. And so sometimes, you know, I sort of went from one extreme to the next. That is a bit of my nature, but that's really, it's not necessarily necessary. existence. So it's like, how can we start in the subtle? How can you just start as a woman to drop more into your body? How can you even starting on your own privately, can you start to dance every day and move your hips and started just to become aware of that energy? That sort of, if anyone knows chakra is like the second chakra, so more around the genitals are just two fingerprints above the glitters. For women. It's like focusing in that area and moving your hips, it's like, Can we just start to have an experience of the energy and what's there. And just little subtle, subtle movements, and walking into a Starbucks, knowing that this is there, it's like, okay, and, and even visualizing, it's like, okay, there's a lot there, it might feel stagnant might feel stuck in my field, it's like, just starting to move and let it even slowly sort of start to come home. And so we don't need to go one extreme to the next, we can start subtly. And that is a lot more powerful than people think. And then when we go through the subtle, it's like, we start to embody a little bit more, because we experience it, if we can do it, like a daily practice.Mark Laurie:
It's all that comes out, I think it says, Be careful what you think of it become what you do, be careful, what you do, will become who you are. And that creates a habit you have, it sort of becomes a way of life a belief. And these there becomes the building blocks, I think there's a phrase the Japanese have called candle to blow, it doesn't leave in my mind. But it's making incremental changes to subtle changes. And they just ripple out, and then you look back and it kind of go, Wow, look at all the stuff that has been changed. Whereas most people think, Okay, well, let's do this now. Like, I want to have a diet. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna stop all this. And it's too big, and the brain can't quite compensate and failure so easily. But this little thing can happen. And then it just sort of grows and you build on it. So I can see the power of that.Kerri Cust:
Yeah, definitely. And I have a teacher that says, the most important practice is the one that you actually do. Even if you have five minutes a day, and that's all you got. Great. And we have to think like when we go into these extreme moments, it's like, our brains aren't actually really wired for it yet, the nervous system can't handle it. So if like, if we start to do subtlety, and start to make like subtle new kind of pathways, then we can figure out new way to be so there's no need to go to another extreme. I mean, some people do that. I mean, obviously guilty of that. But then, and even in my own practice of like, what is my daily practice, like, every day doing something, you know, that is really impactful and that people don't give power to the subtle it is, because it works on the more at the deeper levels of your being. It's when you start little bits and little bits like wow, I'm not doing that anymore. I'm doing this. Even with women when they so many times we're so independent and Where it's hard to perceive, or we do everything on our own, and it's like, we maybe don't want to be like that. It's like, okay, stand in a grocery store, stand there and wait. And when a man walks by, you asked him to grab something off the top shelf, just little things like that. So it's like, you know, you know, and I'm guilty of that, too. It's like, I'll just get myself and it's like, No, I want to be, I want to be able to, like, receive a little bit more be able to ask for help, or invite someone in that because men like to do things they like to help. And so it's like, okay, so can they stand there? And just be like, can you get that for me? And it's like, just doing something like that, and making that a practice and starting to become aware, it's like, wow, I can ask for help, I can be a bit more like, open to receive. And it's like, that's really powerful. It might seem like nothing, but it's really impactful.Mark Laurie:
Yeah, that's one of the things one of the course I took was made a strong point on, which is one of the biggest failings people have is they're unable, or have a hard time receiving compliments, and receiving help. And so we took a course of the time was basically you'd make a comment, and then the person would compliment you. And you could say, when they compliment you as Oh, well, thank you for that. And you can see people struggling with because they want to discount it. Like it's a nice dress. Oh, yeah, this is all I had on today. You know, like they, they discount it what it is. And I have that with our clients that come and look at the photographs. I said, No, don't, don't put up the flyers, because the person you're with doesn't see them. But eventually, if you keep on selling your flaws, they're gonna go, Whoa, you're right. Hey, what am I doing with you? Yeah. So it's and then that that whole accepting of accepting help, in a healthy way, like, like, not in a only way, but should be defined, but in terms of, I can receive help I grow from it, which is the sort of the basis of a lot of coaching that we received, and even stuff like podcasts, you listen to a podcast, because you're looking for something, it's not an easy random act, you kind of followed on to it, which is I had years ago, I had this it was super eight ball and you'd spin it, it'd be 1000 words inside word a pop up. So every problem you had, you have to relate this word to your problem. And it was an insane experience. But what it did was it broke your brain away from the normal path to finding a solution. And you could have like, a book open and, and as close your eyes point to a word, and then that work becomes the solution to your problem, because it makes you think a different direction, which is kind of a cool concept. Yeah,Kerri Cust:
even pattern interrupt at some pointMark Laurie:
that's interrupted. That's what we're doing. That's what you do most the time is you're interrupting thinking patterns, aren't you? Because youKerri Cust:
don't have any different experiences. And I think, you know, when you're talking about sort of the compliments and all that stuff, it's like, we can really learn. We can learn through love and joy. So when someone compliments us, and we really take that that's really healing. And so the journey of like growth and personal development, it's like, okay, yes, sometimes we have to look at the mud and look at some stuff it's like, but it's also really powerful to sort of learn, learn through joy and through love. So it's like when we take a compliment, or, you know, and we've really received that, like, Oh, yeah, and like that. And it's like, it's so healing and empowering. So we can go through it that way, too. And I think sometimes when people are in sort of the personal development journeys, we think we got to be tough, and we gotta go through the mud. And we got to, like, you know, cry. It's like, okay, there's places for that. Sure. It's like, but what's really healing, and this is Tantra. It's like the path of like ecstasy. It's like, well, we can learn through love, we can learn through life and enjoyment and the energy that comes with connection and relationships and excitement. It's like, wow, that can be really healing and expansive in your life as well.Mark Laurie:
I think I choose that route, as opposed to digging through the mud and the guy comes up. Yeah.Kerri Cust:
Yeah, I've done both and the exciting the ecstasy one is way better. So learn from me and do that.Mark Laurie:
you're curious about now, what's caught your attention right now that's your, like, your next level of growth, the next level of thing that's captured your interest that you're kind of exploring? Um,Kerri Cust:
I think for for me, it's like, really starting to delve more deep into my business. And it's like, how can I come from this, like, central? You know, why is the place in my business where and still maintain? You know, how can my, my femininity really come through because sometimes when you're in business, it's like, so masculine, like I got to do, like, I do this. So that is a big growth step for me. As we go into 2021 my words for 2021 are depth and intimacy. So I also want to like, you know, this is never ending. And it's like, well, can I it's like, I really proud of the relationships I have in my life. It's like, Well, can I go even deeper? Can I be even more intimate with people? Can I be even more intimate with my work? And can I reach that sort of next level of like, You know, my practice and more getting acquainted with my own femininity and my, and really showing up and showing that to others when they want, you know, obviously in a safe environment, you can I and so can I experience another level of depth, emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually, and that intimacy with, with myself with, you know, a power with relationship relationships, friendships, it's like, wow, I really want to see what that next level can be bring. Because I think what we're, what I see a lot is, you know, we think we want certain things of, you know, the car, the relationship that you know, we want to man, it's like, but I think we want more sex that's like, I think what we really want is to really drop in and to have real intimacy with someone have that deep connection for someone to really see you. And for that to be received and loved, and to be able to, you know, see and receive another and really love them and all that, you know, that that I think are really the key forMark Laurie:
When you start going down to your next book going down or going up against the phrase? Do you warn your friend circle that you're about to embark on a new expansion of your of your skills or your intimacy? Are you sort of like, just start doing it? And they start figuring out that Oh, she's going deeper again?Kerri Cust:
Yeah, no, I don't want anyone I just feel this call. This is what I want to do for me. Right? Yeah. So we're going deep. And so I, you know, I and now I have to say I have a lot of really great people in my life. So it's like, you know, at this point, when I call my best friend, it's like, Okay, here we go. And, you know, and so I'm with people, I have people in my life, who are really supportive and accepting of that, and I learned that So, but yeah, I really do it for myself. And then, you know, how I show up in relationships and how I, the things that I share, or what I communicate and what you know, what I'm open to sharing with them, it's like that inspire something in them. And yeah, so but no warning, I just, I can explain this, like, I want to go deeper, and I'll be feel closer. And I Okay, here we go. So yeah, I don't get permission from anyone, I just do it.Mark Laurie:
Like one of the courses It took years ago, and it was a it was a sales course, in the first couple of days, we were we all ramped up to how great we can be in our possibilities a little bit in 3rd day, he says well, I'll tell you why most you're gonna fail. We don't know, we only hear that not as bad. And describe that you're, when you start on a path of growth, not everyone around you is going to grow with you, or choose it. And you have to decide if these are important people to you to either stay and not grow and stay at that level. or recognize that you probably will lose them as you as you move up. And that could be a spouse, it could be family friends, as you move into a new job, but also knowing there's a circle up there for you that when you do it properly. If you're if your clients experience that, where they, that's gonna be the hardest step to make is you look around and think great, if I embark on this journey, three of these six people around me are gonna be with me in a year.Kerri Cust:
Right. So I think if I look personally with, with my clients, I think there is a bit of that I find my experience when people come to me, it's like, they're so ready. You know, like, and they're, and that is sort of a like, like a requirement really, with working with me, it's okay, because this is looking at your sexuality and your sense, and your intimacy and the kind of relationships we really want to have. It's like that can be really confronting, that's like a big, you know, and so, so I find that when people, they're just like, Hey, I'm, I'm really ready. It's like they've had sort of maybe the failed relationships, or they're in a relationship that's not working. It's like, okay, I just need to go to the next level, because I need more than this. And so I don't know, if people have really lost a lot of friendships, I think sometimes our relationships, I think the dynamics can change. And so, you know, even for myself, it's like, obviously, my grandparents in my family don't, aren't super open to talk, like my mom's pretty cool. But about talking to me about sort of what I do, but it's just, I really, you know, I love my family. And, you know, that is where they are. And so what I've recognized is that there might be limitations to what those relationships can bring me. So I know not to have a lot of expectations regarding that, but I love them and they love me. And we have a relationship that you know, it's like I might need more, but then it's, that's my responsibility. Then I have like, you know, my best friend or I have other friends that I can just like, share other things with or talk to about things with so I can kind of you really kind of diversify my needs. And so, yes, so that can happen and relationships can change and it's like and those were the And ships might not necessarily end like I love my family, I want to stay connected to them. But it's like, okay, but then there's like this other big part of me that really wants to sort of, you know, share this type of stuff had these kind of conversations about sex and spirituality and whatever it's like, Okay, well, then I have friends that are there that can bring that to me. So it's just, yeah, relationships could definitely change some way. And I've had some friendships in that was after I left, my husband was very confronting, and I opened up with like, Hey, this is I left and they kind of just went away. And I was like, Okay, well, I don't actually want those people in my life. It's like, I was really raw and vulnerable. I just left a marriage, my brother had just died. And I opened up and share this. And they were like, they brought out their stuff so much, that they I never heard from them again. I was like, Oh, well, I don't want relationships like that when I show up and be vulnerable, and the person can't, doesn't because it's a real honor when people are honest with us, right? And like, Okay, well, those sort of those fell away, where they if I look back, are they really that deep and meaningful? It's like, No, okay, let that fall away. And then it's like the relationship with my best friend. It's just it got stronger and deeper through that. And those are the kind of relationships I want.Mark Laurie:
So pick and choose. And you also find that you show up when you first meet people, you take on a persona feel like someone says, Oh, great. So this is your, you're a sister, you're my coworker, you're the lady that walks on whatever. And, and the nuances, which is just fascinating, these little nuance things. That's what you have to change, because I'm guessing is because you're you're seeing you know that your person sees you a certain way. And you have to change that to go forward. Is that correct?Kerri Cust:
Well, I think I'm trying to think from my own journey, like, you know, I worked in HR, it was pretty, like I lived a pretty standard life. So I'm sure people have perceptions of me and perceptions of myself and what kind of life I was going to have. And I was going to be, and that just started to. Yeah, that just started to change, like for myself. And so sometimes when you break out of that, we're like, Whoa, we didn't expect that. And it's like, just knowing like, that's okay. Okay, so yeah, I actually have more than just working in HR, and doing this and like, there's more with me, and then people get to see that. So I'm not sure if I answered your question. But yeah, but I get that that's okay to happen. And it's like, yeah.Mark Laurie:
That's one of the things I'm with a organization called BNI, which is business networking International. And they're a networking business, essentially. But they've learned that if I'm going to interact with you, they call it doing business with people, interact with you, I've got to trust to know you. And so they've incorporated as part of that networking thing. They call them one to ones, but we sit down for like a half an hour, and we don't so much talk about business, we talk about what's happening your life. So there's one couple One, two guys, for example, I've never ever done business together, or said business either way. And they got together. And they discovered they both love soccer, teaching, coaching soccer, and then all of a sudden, this incredible bond happened. And once the bond happened, suddenly they started doing business as well together. And it's just you right, opening, opening yourself up to people saying, Well, I'm more than this than this one sliver. I am a no this, this many celebrities, which gives, you know, a bigger window of me. And now I'm fascinating. But that's another thing we just encountered recently is, it's better to be fascinating than to be good.Kerri Cust:
Right? Exactly. And I think I just had a thought and I forgot it. But yes, excuse me, sharing your, like opening up and, you know, having the courage, like share your story. You never know who's listening. And then it's just like, someone's like, Hey, I kind of had that experience of, you know, I, a girlfriend or someone that I met over a year ago. I was she I said something about him. We were talking I was like, yeah, I'm married. And then my brother died. And I drove her home. And she's like, well, I had a brother that died too. And now we're really close. So, you know, the opening up and sharing of yours even just kind of sharing your story of things that what do you really like? What have you been through? What are you proud of? What do you you know, and it's just like, then, like, there's going to be someone that resonates with that. And that there's sort of an opening or an avenue or a possibility of like, a deeper connection.Mark Laurie:
There's a movie it was I think Jack Ryan Shadow Recruit. And there's a scene there where the villains talking to his wife, and this before they realized their villain and enemies and so on. And he said, I don't have time for make conversation stuff. And they suddenly got in this really, I think was a topic of death or cancer or something. He says, see, now we're having the conversation. Like it is now it's real, it's deep. It's personal. It's intimate, it not necessarily sexual way. But But now we're having a real conversation. This is a conversation that's going to matter. And if you want to spend your time on things are gonna matter. Is that a fair statement for your perspective?Kerri Cust:
Yeah, definitely. I think that's when we talk about having intimate conversations like what really matters to me like really showing. It's like this is really important. All right, I feel this so I don't you know, just yeah. Showing showing people what really matters to you. And in that deep way, it's like yeah, but then it's like we start to have a bit more intimacy in our, in our relationships aren't just superficial. Yeah, just like no, this is what this is what happened to me this was what it how it impacted me this is what it really meant. And this is what matters to me. And this is like from that kind of enriching place and being able to show people that and then to show you that and it's like, wow, then it's like deeper connections made and it's like well that's what we're looking for.Mark Laurie:
We live on stories I thank you so much for your time today. It's been it's been amazing. So this is Carrie cast now what's the name of your of your company your business?Kerri Cust:
So my website my company's just my name, so it's Kerricust.com. ke rr i c ust and so you can always Google me. And yeah, and so I just offering Well, hopefully COVID passes and I can I'm really missing doing in person workshops. Like I also really love intimacy with people. But right now it's online. It's all online that I'm doing media clients and some online workshop and things so yeah, so they can find out all my information, my website, I offer a free one hour consultation so people can talk to me and get to know more about me and all that.Mark Laurie:
They can do have all her information down below, like so in the in the information piece you can get links and, and some other stuff she may recommend and you'll be able to kind of follow up on her but this has been truly fascinating. It's been such an interesting delve into, into your entire life and your your vision of how people can be and thank you for being so honest and open in a unique way.Kerri Cust:
You can't make this stuff up.Mark Laurie:
It's been amazing. Kerri is also the woman who participated in her body speaks and there's a book that we're planning on that that's got a bit more of a story but she has and we've only touched on parts of it but her whole arc is an amazing story. beyond amazing it's actually inspirational I think a person can look at that and go Okay, so if she could do that I have the possiblity of doing it as well so it's really worth digging into it and see more about her. Thank you so much Carrie This has been Mark spirit photography now at the fascinating woman the podcast catch you in the next one. Thisintroduction:
has been fascinating women with Mark Laurie. Join us on our website and subscribe at fascinating women does he a fascinating women has been sponsored by inner spirit photography of Calgary, Alberta and is produced in Calgary by Lee Ellis and my office media.