Fascinating Women

Julie Scott - Self Expansion Coach - Feel Good Junkie - Author - speaker - Cat Lover

May 12, 2021 Julie Scott Season 2 Episode 8
Fascinating Women
Julie Scott - Self Expansion Coach - Feel Good Junkie - Author - speaker - Cat Lover
Chapters
Fascinating Women
Julie Scott - Self Expansion Coach - Feel Good Junkie - Author - speaker - Cat Lover
May 12, 2021 Season 2 Episode 8
Julie Scott

Julie Scott loves to talk. It was one of the joys she found about herself, making this episode a wonderful chat. Julie talks about how she used humour to deflect criticism or awkward moments. Looking back, she found she was constantly hiding herself, becoming a people pleaser to her detriment. Owning up to who she was, who she wanted to be, what her boundaries were, all came with a price, top of that list was her marriage.

It took a journey of several years, one she is still on, to find her happy place. She now steps fully into the richness of her life and relationships. 

In our conversation, we explore her trigger points of discovery and pivoting—gems of insight, lots of laughing too. A path does emerge with touchstones that you might find of value too. 

Julie Scott BIO
Julie is a Self Expansion Coach, Developer of the Confidence Blueprint, a speaker, author and lover of cats.

She is a life coach who thrives on helping mature women prioritize their needs and gain confidence so they can stop worrying about “being enough” and start living life. 

A self-proclaimed “feel-good junkie,” Julie is someone who personally experienced decades of struggling with people-pleasing, over-giving and low self-esteem; the end of her marriage is the wake-up call she needed to change her future. By uncovering unhealthy beliefs and patterns, Julie has learned to accept, trust and love herself, and she’s helped hundreds of other women do the same through her free  Facebook group and private and group coaching sessions. 

Julie currently lives in Palm  Springs, California and is truthfully living the confident life she always dreamed of.
You can reach her or learn more at:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/theconfidentwomenscommunity
Website: https://www.itsabouttimebaby.com/
Book some time; www.itsabouttimebaby.com

About Mark Laurie - Host.
Mark has been transforming how women see themselves, enlarging their sense of sexy, expanding their confidence in an exciting adventure that is transformational photography. His photo studio is inner Spirit Photography. 
http://innerspiritphotography.com

Sound Production by:
Lee Ellis  - myofficemedia@gmail.com
Reach out to Lee for your Sound Production

Show Notes Transcript

Julie Scott loves to talk. It was one of the joys she found about herself, making this episode a wonderful chat. Julie talks about how she used humour to deflect criticism or awkward moments. Looking back, she found she was constantly hiding herself, becoming a people pleaser to her detriment. Owning up to who she was, who she wanted to be, what her boundaries were, all came with a price, top of that list was her marriage.

It took a journey of several years, one she is still on, to find her happy place. She now steps fully into the richness of her life and relationships. 

In our conversation, we explore her trigger points of discovery and pivoting—gems of insight, lots of laughing too. A path does emerge with touchstones that you might find of value too. 

Julie Scott BIO
Julie is a Self Expansion Coach, Developer of the Confidence Blueprint, a speaker, author and lover of cats.

She is a life coach who thrives on helping mature women prioritize their needs and gain confidence so they can stop worrying about “being enough” and start living life. 

A self-proclaimed “feel-good junkie,” Julie is someone who personally experienced decades of struggling with people-pleasing, over-giving and low self-esteem; the end of her marriage is the wake-up call she needed to change her future. By uncovering unhealthy beliefs and patterns, Julie has learned to accept, trust and love herself, and she’s helped hundreds of other women do the same through her free  Facebook group and private and group coaching sessions. 

Julie currently lives in Palm  Springs, California and is truthfully living the confident life she always dreamed of.
You can reach her or learn more at:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/theconfidentwomenscommunity
Website: https://www.itsabouttimebaby.com/
Book some time; www.itsabouttimebaby.com

About Mark Laurie - Host.
Mark has been transforming how women see themselves, enlarging their sense of sexy, expanding their confidence in an exciting adventure that is transformational photography. His photo studio is inner Spirit Photography. 
http://innerspiritphotography.com

Sound Production by:
Lee Ellis  - myofficemedia@gmail.com
Reach out to Lee for your Sound Production

introduction:

You're listening to fascinating women with Mark Laurie. And now, Mark Laurie.

Mark Laurie:

Hello, everyone. I'm Mark Laurie from inner spirit photography hosting fascinating women podcast. And it's been a delightful time now what I do normally is I photograph amazing women in front of a camera, get them relaxed, and we wind up doing these photographs that are just incredible. And we bring out and show them r who they are about. And through that I've discovered some women who are well fascinating. And I've enjoyed talking to them, but I thought you'd share them with the world. And today I've got Jody Scott with me. Now Julie is a life coach, she's down in Palm Springs, she's got her own personal journey that's that started well, I'll leave that version that will evolve as we kind of come out talking about this. And she is this bouncy lady that she says is quite different than what she was when she was younger and, and evolving for it. So welcome, Julie. Glad to have you here.

Julie Scott:

Oh my goodness, I'm so excited to be here. I love talking to you already. So this is gonna be fun.

Mark Laurie:

This is really, really good. Well, let's go back you've got a whole bunch of values and stuff that you you've actually honed in and clarified today. When you go back to say your childhood, your early teens, for example. What kind of things they just struggle with thenm that made was good. Were kinda, were gonna shape you for today.

Julie Scott:

Well, I think one thing, I'm I'm tall. So I'm 5'11" or I was 5'11". I think I'm 5'10" and a half now. But I was five foot 11 and the youngest of four girls, so I think it was a combination of wanting to be like my older sisters. So I kind of I think I, I, I did things to fit in to belong, you know, I think that's kind of where my early people pleaser things kind of were born. But then I also because I was tall and I was athletic. I had very big size, you know, big muscular thighs. And I always felt like I was chunky. You know, and and, and even though I thought about that a lot, and I didn't say anything to anyone about it, but it was something that I knew was always in my mind. So I didn't have a lot of confidence around my body. And then I got a boyfriend who who at one point, you know, and I've always had a pretty good sense of humor. So I've always been a you know, a friendly, open, easygoing kind of girl, which is kind of like my shield. Right? That's like, if I seem like, I'm really cool, like, I'm the cool chick. It's like, a lot of it was a facade. That was my protection, right. But the boyfriend at one point, he made up a song. And it was Julie's got a big old butt, said, What? Julie's got a big old butt. Okay, and in front of me in front of friends, right? And all I could do was put up my shield. And I was like, That's hilarious. But that right through the heart, right? I mean, just, I mean, it. It shaped what I thought about myself for the next. I'd say 30 years, honestly. I mean, it was like, but I mean, you don't realize how damaging something like that can be. I mean, obviously I took offense to it, but never said anything about it. So that was another habit of mine is I would just, you know, stuff my voice and my feelings. It's like I wouldn't really say what I was feeling or about I was hurt because I wanted to be cool. I wanted to be liked, you know, all that stuff. So that really hurt me. When my body confidence.

Mark Laurie:

This comes up a lot, I should have to look it up. There's a key phrase, a psychology phrase, that it's big, long thing or how to pronounce it. And what it is, is some small event, almost inconsequential, like a song has this massive ramifications that totally alters who you are, even though it's a small kind of tiny thing. I think that's fairly common noise when there's almost a forces of society where we're conditioned to not speak up, defend yourself, if you will, and in some way we're given tools for and there's a feeling of silence to kind of go along with it and it just it mounts and then if you do speak up, so it's all come on do cut some slack and lighten up. Sorry, someone says while you're making them feel that you really good.

Julie Scott:

Whoa, yeah, it is amazing how something so small can be so powerful and you know, obviously I gave my power to it. Yeah, you know, I see that now but I didn't certainly didn't know it, then.

Mark Laurie:

That's an interesting phrase. hasn't come up an awful lot. I give you give power away. I don't think people realize how often that happens. When you do situations and it's all through life. I think my belief is once you recognize that you have power? And that you're giving it away. For no value. Like, it's not like it's not getting exchanged for something. I think when that happens, you suddenly become all powerful, if you will. That makes sense.

Julie Scott:

Yeah, absolutely. I think for me, it was directly tied to what I, you know, obviously, what I thought of myself, but how much I valued or didn't value? Myself, right. So I mean, if I, if I valued myself more, I certainly wouldn't have put up with that kind of a comment. But you know, when you're when you're 16 years old, you know, you're know

Mark Laurie:

The concept of you know make yourself known value yourself. You're 16 I think, really, cuz I don't think I have any value. Like, there's no, it's really hard to kind of balance that type of stuff out for

Julie Scott:

Yeah, for sure. And I think it kind of, you know, that that's the kind of thing, you know, that belief that I had kind of pulls you through that. Also, I come, you know, I'm 55 now. So, when I was coming up through the, you know, my career, you know, there was no, you know, that there was no HR like there is now in companies, right? So I mean, there was a lot of there was a lot of harassment, you know, when I think about it, it's like, I was harassed a lot, but I, I didn't really say anything, because that was kind of my mo right. I just kind of laughed it off. And I could, you know, I had a quick wit, and I could make anybody feel like an idiot to get out of a situation where I was uncomfortable. And it was just interesting how we adapt to our environment, and, you know, create this facade of a personality of who we really aren't to survive, right? Like, Oh, my God, I'm not even there. That was a thing for me. I was pretending for years. Yeah.

Mark Laurie:

In some ways, I mean, like, as a photographer, when I first started off, we would, we would mimic someone else's photography, like, how do I recreate that. And I think what happens when you're growing up, and even when you're older, you are constantly trying on all these different hats. Okay, so I'm gonna find, if I can be this person for a little bit. And, and I've discovered looking back that you are, you have multiple personalities, if you will. So you're introduced a certain way to a new person. And the circumstances of how you are introduced, defines you to that person. And you'll wind up playing that role all the time. And then you're you have an old friend that is always looked at you this way. And so you continue playing that role. And it takes a big step to break that and shatter it. And, and that's hard. And so I think of people. any situation they go into, if they decide who they want to be, they can control their luck, their their brand, I guess, is a commoner, I get a kick out of that personal brand. You can Yeah, find who you are. I think he has a lot of words to doing something simple.

Unknown:

Yeah, I mean, I just use what you made me think of is, you know, how we do we do play these roles, right? We play these roles. I mean, I play a role with like, my oldest sister, like, you know, I'm the young, I'm 10 years younger than her. So I think for many years, our roles were, she's the authority, and I know nothing, right? I know, nothing. She knows everything. It's like, okay, you know, and, and so that for that reason, we clashed, and then at some point, that shifted a little bit at you know, and I think, you know, for whatever happened, I can't speak to what happened on her side, but I know, for me, I recognize, you know, that I actually have something to say that I actually have, you know, value and what I have to say, and I just, I stopped reacting to her the way I used to, I didn't play that role, because you know, you can, I'm sure you can think of whether your wife or anybody who you've been in a long term relationship with, they say this, you know, you're gonna say this, they're gonna say this, and you're gonna say this, and then you're gonna fight for whatever, right? And so and so it's like, when you stop responding the way you've always responded, then you kind of like, blow out their flame of fury, you know, because there are like, wait, you didn't, you didn't react to that. Now? It's like, okay, now you're gonna have to change what you were gonna say, because I'm not reacting. It's like, it's a beautiful thing. But it does. It takes a huge discipline to break that pattern.

Mark Laurie:

And Awareness, because it's not just being triggered for anger, but it's like, you know, people approach you to volunteer. And then suddenly, you discover that you don't you have more personal time. And you may have developed the habit of not being able to say no, with me, yeah. And and that's written, I believe, there's things that society on both sides of the fence encourages, because that is what the scale people really want people who say, No, no, we want a bunch of people say, I mean, I learned that a little interesting fact about the school system. So when the school system got developed in England, it wasn't for education. It wasn't for the greater good. What happened was the manufacturers needed a couple of things in Run a skill people understand or run stuff they need to loyal people. And they need people that didn't want to grow. They didn't want to want more. So when they said, We will fund your schools, this is what we want. We want people who can understand, like math and the basic stuff we need to have them do. They must be loyal. So never leave our company, and they must not want to grow. We want them to get out of their station that we want, we want to know their place. And that was the core that was put into schools back when they started.

Julie Scott:

You know, that's how we modeled our systems here in the United States. Over Yeah, I mean, that's exactly I mean, so it's amazing how anatomy I think Don't even get me started on how I think our whole school school systems even overhaul like one of the things I think that should be taught from the get go because even parents don't do this. It's like we got to teach us that we are each person is unique, and that we need to love ourselves first. That is not taught that is that you that means you're selfish. That means you're self centered. That means you're a narcissist like now,

Mark Laurie:

there's a whole bunch of words that are designed to keep you from from believing that's a good thing. Yeah. It's important is accountability. That starts off in school that you're you know, it works for both ways. Like it doesn't stand accountability does some bad stuff. It's like you accountability for your happiness you're accountable for getting your homework on time and there's benefits and there's so a friend of mine ran to school and she was so delightful her her promises all accountability, right? And so this this kid disrupt the classroom in an exam and he feared he kind of get out of it, right and he ripped up somebody's exam paper. So up to the office. And he's and their normal their condition like it's gonna happen is I'm gonna get detention sit in the corner, I'll just do my video game, right? She's no, so you like to wrap paper? He goes, I guess good. And so she had this, all this garbage. Just rip these up for an hour. So for an hour, he was wrapping up paper, right? And he got that done. And he was like, not too exciting. She's all good. So now you're gonna write the exam that you missed, which he thought he had dodged that. So now, the exam, and this is all accountability, like you did it happens. And then if you get your homework done on time ahead of time, then you've got free time. Like there's no more homework. So this became this wonderful mix of accountability.

Julie Scott:

For you, I wish more I wish more teachers would be innovative like that. But yeah, yeah,

Mark Laurie:

they're fighting the system. I think there's really, really good systems, but also school tends to draw a certain type of person based on what what what the needs are with the system, the same thing of Trump ownership, it attracts a certain kind of individual. I remember one time I was when I do a lot of I take a lot of coaching. And this one guy looked at who walked in our class. We've been with him for a long time. He says, you know, he says I wouldn't hire What do you guys go? Hey, wait, whoa, whoa. Workers? Because it says you wouldn't do what I tell you to do. You're on top of nerds. Yeah, I want this job done this way to go, you know, can you 10 minutes? I think I can prove on that. I don't want you to know, I want you to do it this way. Do you have philosophies or inspirational quotes that guide you, but you kind of touched on?

Julie Scott:

Well, I mean, I know. I don't know how I don't even know who said this. I think actually a friend of mine. I picked it up from a version of it. But one of the things that I I've always loved to say is when I work out, things worked out. And it's it's one of those things because I mean, I like to move my body exercise a fair amount. Because it was my initial way that I could meditate. Like I couldn't sit quietly and meditate. I mean, I've tried. I mean, when I first started, I mean, I could do it now, but I couldn't do it when I first started. So for the longest time, exercise was my form of meditation. And that was a big part of because really, my life kind of blew up when I left my husband, but we can go back to that. But before I did that, I got into yoga. And so and it was a something called power yoga, which is a very strenuous thing. And I needed to do something that would occupy my mind, you know, where I had to think about not falling over, balancing, right, holding this pose, breathing, pull your shoulders down, lifted by your chest, pushed out through your heels, blah, blah, blah, all the things that the teacher was talking about. And what it did for me is it created the much needed space in my head, my monkey mind, right? It's like to slow it down. Because during that hour that I was doing that I literally cannot think about anything else in my life like nothing. I couldn't think of anything. I couldn't think about how unhappy I was here, or here or unfulfilled there, whatever that was. I couldn't think of anything, but when I walked out of those classes, often I would be crying at the end. Just because it was like a big release. Then I'd walk out of that class with like, like clarity like what I needed to do, like I need to leave my husband. Like I I mean Oh my god, this is what I do. Because you know, I I am the most convincing person that I know. I mean, my voice is so convincing to me. So I would tell myself all along that I, you know, I'm, it makes me a bad person, if I leave, I have a broken marriage, you know, I'm a failure, I'm miserable, you know, but going in and getting that clarity, it's like, but I'm not happy. And I could be so much more. If I let this go. You know, I get that clarity from that. So that when I work out, things work out really has stuck with me, because it helps me keep things moving along in my life, it's a place that I can go to. And I always know I'm going to come out the other side, feeling better, feeling energized, feeling alive, feeling capable, feeling limitless, whatever that is, you know. So that's definitely like go to

Mark Laurie:

I get that I started my photography as a hobby as a realtor at the time, the realtor was like 24, seven. And I needed something that would completely absorb me and doing the nudes did that because I'm having to there's technical stuff, there's emotional stuff, there's posing things, there's all this stuff, my body's involved, my brains evolved, my emotions involved, there's nothing that's left out. So I like you, I could come out of that. And it'd be like, you're gone for three days. And then Brian's mind is clear and fresh. Or to mind the tricky thing, there's john Kehoe, you should look him up. He's really amazing. He's the guy that develops the mental thinking, KOH Oh, Don Quixote can't be HL. And he's got the, this is the mines. This is tricky thing. So imagine you're making plans because you want to control your life. And you've got these plans. So you're making plan like, say you're a warrior, you're making plans, but your enemy, the general of your opposite side, he's sitting on your shoulder, he sees everything that you're planning. And you got to feed them somehow. And that's, that's what the mind is that the mind is very willful and does not want to be tamed. It wants to go and just do what it wants to do. And your objective is to light it up. And so it knows all your weaknesses, it knows, it can whisper in your ear. And he says it is the it's a hard he calls a trickster. It's it's a, it's a real big trickster, because it doesn't want you to take control. That's not its intent.

Julie Scott:

We know I know, you read about and I doubt that a lot of reading around this too. It's like, you know, our subconscious runs 95% of our day, right? Because our conscious mind can only handle so much information. But our subconscious is like a supercomputer. And it remembers every single thing, even if you can't bring it up to your memory, it remembers when this hurt you or you were scared here or this didn't work out or this did or you know, everything. And you know, it's like once you have to focus on learning to tie your shoes, once you do gone, it's in the subconscious. You learn to drive a car, once you drive it out, you can think about everything and you can drive for 1000 miles and not even pay and not even realize, right? You've been driving and then you're like, Oh, my God, I just home. I'm here. But I mean, it's it's it's so amazing, but at the same time, I'm a big Dr. Joe dispenza fan, if you're not into that, but oh my god, I mean, the fact that we have the ability to I mean, we're so powerful beyond our own belief. I mean, in the fact that you know, I mean the some of his books, I mean, the You are the placebo and becoming supernatural are two of my all time favorites. But I mean, the fact that you can actually change your physiology by using your mind. You know, there there are documented cases where people who have split personalities have brown eyes when they're Larry and they have blue eyes when their gym was like documented. I mean, that is real.

Mark Laurie:

I think what the face I saw years ago was it was what you do is you take a photograph of either people down the middle, right? Yeah, well this Catholic priest and they come to face and they put the two halves the right half the left half together it's the first one they put together I looked like he looked like a saint I'm just peaceful and the other one he looked like he was from hell like and what they what the study discovered was you can tell where how at peace a person is by if their face is symmetrical, which means if one of the faces tight one side is tied to the other so you can kind of see the eyes a bit smaller their their their odds there's something there's a conflict inside that may not even be aware of and as soon as that's resolved therapies with themselves and peace with their choices, their face is this you know the eyes recall there's there's no there's not nothing being pulled over the tension side. Walk up to person you can see instantly and you can tell there's a photographer that took his family photographs, he had four sisters, and he took them for like 40 years every year now in a family gathering. And, and they just made a pact and so you can see some see some reasons one girl has always been supported by the others. Other times are defined you can see the worry in their face, but you're seeing this over 40 years

Unknown:

oooh, I love that

Mark Laurie:

it's it's we did that with little kids sometimes we're gonna man and we start photographing about one month, and then every month enough again, it's, it's it's really good. So what are you curious about right now? What what's brought you to your doorstep today?

Unknown:

What What am I curious about right now? Um, that's a great question. What am I curious about right now? You know, I'm always curious as to what I can actually do. You know, like, I think that every year that I get it, like, for example, I was really curious by the depth right after I turned 50. Like, you know, because I think that there's a lot of cultural things like, oh, as we get older, we decline, you know, and I know, 50 years old really hit me kind of like a ton of bricks. And even though I didn't want it to, you know, the black balloons the over the hill birthday cards, you know, it affected me, right. And that was when I noticed that I started calling myself an old lady. And then my friend was like, What are you talking about? You're so natural, no, lady. And I was like, You know what? You're right. And I did, but I wasn't aware that I was even saying it because I was joking about it. But I was falling back to my sense of humor, right? Because it was something that it was painful for me because it was I was letting it bother me, right. So what I what I did is I shifted around that and I was like, I wonder what I can do. And so I was at the gym, and I saw this gal getting in really good shape. And I asked her what she was doing. And she was training for a bikini competition. And I ended up doing two bikini competitions after I turned 50 a while so, so that, to me is always what I'm curious about. Like, I wonder what else I can do? You know, because it really, you know, I'm on? I don't know if you're familiar with clubhouse, but that's my discussion. Okay. I have my hold. I hold the room every Tuesday morning at eight o'clock Pacific pacific time. And the title is, is this all there is. And it's such a rich and layered conversation because every week, it's different. And I just had that this morning, about three hours ago, I had that room and it was, you know, we were in it just took a different direction than it did last week or the week before we before. But that is what I'm always curious about is what else can I do? You know, and I'm, you know, I'm trying to grow my business, I'm doing all these different things. I mean, you know, I'm I'm looking to buy a piece of property and look at Yeah, there's just a lot of different facets to my life, but I'm just I'm in such a better place around the possibilities, you know, it's like, why not me? Right? Why not me? You know, and that that really, that is a magical thing to say to yourself, because I think that we we get so caught up in what at least I do. And I don't want to say we but I get caught up and comparing my first five years to somebody's 25th year of in their business. And you know, why am I not there, I want to be there. And it's just like, you know, I'm on my way, I'm on my path. And I'm doing it my way. And that's the other thing I just wanted to share. In the beginning of this year. I had this epiphany. Like, I was working with this man, online business manager. And we were doing all of this content creation, and we're putting it out on all these different platforms. And it was just like, it was great. It was a good experience. But man, it was a grind. I mean, it was just like, Oh, you know, and by the end of January, I've been doing it since April of the previous year. I was like, You know what, I am not having any fun. And I work for the coolest person I know. And it's like, why am I not having any fun? It's like, because I'm not doing what I love to do. And you know what, I love to do this, right? I love talking to people. I love creating relationships. I like collaborating. I like networking. I like just I like talking to people. And so that's when I discovered a week later I discovered clubhouse. And that was like, right down that rabbit hole. But man, it has been such a godsend because I've met and connected with some of the most amazing people. And it's really helped me lean into what I'm good at which is talking to people. I mean, I haven't on my vision board right here the power of my voice for Pete's sake, it's like Hello. Why are you not doing that? So yeah, so I mean, I you know, sorry. Kinda went on there for a second.

Mark Laurie:

It's kind of funny to be you talk about your childhood and the kind of person you were and you know, why see right now. So what what was the turning point? Like, what point did you kind of wake up and go, you know, because you've alluded to the fact that you gated your marriage was it before that like what were some of the touchstones like where you go Okay, so this was a goal posts that meant not big long term, then kind of brief cuts.

Julie Scott:

Yeah, I'm alive now. I thought about this many times. And I wrote a book about it.

Mark Laurie:

THe book she talks about is what it's a life. book there was this time is about you. That's your book right?

Julie Scott:

This time. It's about you. It's a journey from No, I can't Yes, I can't. Um, but yeah, I think the turning point for me was when I left my husband, you know, I mean, I think I had been, I've been like a can of soda pop, but you shake up. And then I was just like everything. I mean, I was unhappy in my marriage. I wasn't happy in my work. I was unhappy where I lived, I was unhappy. You know, I had some turmoil and getting in between myself and my family, because I wasn't being honest with them about what was going on for me, right. So I was lying to not only myself, but to pretty much everyone around me. So that just makes you out of alignment in general. But yeah, so I left my when I left my husband, that was definitely the low point for me. Like, what was the major? It was, it wasn't that we were married for that long. We were together for six years. And then we got married, and we were married for seven years. And then, you know, the Seven Year Itch, I guess. But that's not what it was. It was kind of it, we should have been the five year but I strung it out to seven. But yeah, it was, it wasn't that I was married that long, but I was totally and completely in love. And I think that, you know, I did everything I could to prove that I was a great, you know, wife, stepmother, to his children, all of these things. But I didn't realize that I had all this old baggage that I was carrying around that I you know, around, not being good enough and not really loving myself and not thinking I was worthy. And you know, to be the partner and had any value and blah, blah, blah. But once I left him, that's when I started searching the Barnes and Noble self help, you know, section because I was like, I'm a nut bag. I mean, I don't know what's going on with me. But I can't believe because my parents were married for 44 years. And I'm like, Why can I keep a marriage together? What is wrong with me? Right? So if I had an affair, so that was the other, making you feel bad? Shame? No, whatever. Anyway, so yeah, that was when I that was a turning point. And that's when I started to kind of figure it start to wake up and figure things out. I picked up Louise Hays book, you can heal your life. And then, you know, over the course of the next eight years, I really turned my life around, you know, so it was a process. It didn't happen like that. But I started putting the dots together and figuring it out. And yeah, so I won't go too far down that hole.

Mark Laurie:

What what what triggered you to go I think I mentioned my show a couple times, most was probably will smile on his hands. But there's a joke I tell that is about that walk in and he hears this dog and it's clear pain and agony. And he seeks them out. And he finds it comes across this guy is reading newspapers daily there with the dog and the dog sitting beside him the dogs crying in great discomfort. And he says I don't know if you've noticed her but your your dogs in pain, because I know he says he's sitting on a nail. He says what do you do? It says nothing when it hurts like I feel move?

Julie Scott:

Well, you know, I think for me, it's like, I I just remember this point in my life. And that's why I have that room called as a father is because I remember, it was in my you know, late 30s. Early, probably in my early 40s. I remember one day thinking, Is this it? Is this all I get? Is this all there is, you know, and then I went through the process of shifting that voice saying, oh, there's so many people have it worse than you, you should be grateful for what you have, you know, I mean, look at all the things you have in your life, you know, and I so I kept myself stuck for a while longer telling myself that I didn't deserve to want more. Yeah. Because, you know, if you live in a first world country, you know, it's, I don't need to tell you why we're blessed. Right? Yeah. But it also I think what it is, and I talk about this all the time with my clients, it's like, it doesn't make my feelings of wanting more any less valid.

Mark Laurie:

That's true. That's true. Because

Julie Scott:

this is my experience. It's like, this is how I feel. And I deserve to feel the way I feel my feelings are mine. And they're valid because of that.

Mark Laurie:

Yes, that's very true. Oh, people tend to push aside because you know, those people who are soft to me, well, that is true. And you're very fortunate you're not, but your problems are just as real to you. And it's got the same road blanks, and you can't help the rest of the world, other people. If If you haven't sorted yourself out.

Julie Scott:

Amen. I want to put that on a plaque that needs to go on a plaque. I mean, seriously, that is the truth. Because I know because I've invested the time. In myself. It's a ripple effect. everybody's life that I touch, because of the work that I did, because I took the time to make myself a priority, which is another woman thing they don't, they're taking care of everybody else and take care of themselves. And then you know, the emptiness whatever that is, and they're like, Oh, god, I'm still here. You know, but you know, having to do to really take that time and energy in that love and that focus and turn it back on yourself. And it's like, What do I want? You know what makes me happy? You know? Nobody, I just started this really fast. I was at the dentist's office about a month ago. And there was this woman helping the dentist and she comes, she comes in and just puts the thing on me, whatever. And then her phone rings and she's like, I'm so sorry. I gotta go take this call. I'm like, no problem. So she leaves. And she comes back in and she's visibly flustered. And I'm like, are you okay? And she's like, yeah, that was my, that was my son. He wants me to pick up his his kids. Because normally today is my day off. She goes, she goes, I don't know what it's gonna be like, when I retire at the end of this year. They're gonna, they're gonna be running me around like crazy, right? And then I was like, Well, I don't have to be that way. I'm like, you know? And then I said to her, and she was looking at what, what do you want? And I swear to God, her eyes got filled with tears. And she goes, No one has ever asked me that. And I was like, you know what I mean? It's like, how many people are running around in life like that? You know, they're just waiting for permission to want what they want. It's like, you have to take the bull by the horns. This is your this is not a dress rehearsal. No, this is your one shot. As far as I know. We don't come back around again. Maybe in another body. If you believe in that. I don't know. But I mean, for right now. This is it. This is crazy.

Mark Laurie:

So what was your perfect day be like? Like, you wake up one morning, this is gonna be a perfect day and that you go to bed at night and go, this was a perfect day, what would what would be the day?

Unknown:

I already know. Okay, okay, I get up. And I have a delicious cup of coffee, my first big glass of water and then a delicious cup of coffee. And then maybe a couple of bites of some sort of a protein bar. And then I'm going to go for a nice long hike with a couple of friends. Maybe with some cut up oranges and apples in our bags. We hiked for maybe I don't know, four or five miles to the top of something high until we can get up there and go, Wow, beautiful, right, hike back down, come back home. Make a wonderful, healthy breakfast, you know, plenty of eggs, greens, probably some bacon, maybe some sourdough toes, fruit for sure. And then after that, probably nice conversation and then a nap kind of percent. nap right? Friend Get up. Maybe go to the market and figure out what we're going to have for dinner. Right? maybe watch a interesting movie, or maybe go on a tour of one of the wonderful places here in the desert where I live. And there's a couple of different sightseeing things to do. But then a nice dinner with friends with music and good conversation. That's that's really that's what I think is a perfect day on to some movement. Good food. good conversation. That's it.Sounds good.

Mark Laurie:

That sounds really good. That sounds good.

Julie Scott:

I love to eat if you haven't noticed, I love I love to eat. I mean, food is meant to be you know,

Mark Laurie:

it's great. You're breaking bread. That's that's where people that's why I don't happen so much anymore. But you know, in my day, that the kitchen, I mean, the living rooms are almost vacant, like you know, they were there become a games room. You take food from the kitchen, and the delivery would become a kitchen. Yeah. And yeah. And it would, you'd have this this wonderful couches and all set up. And then people beat standing like a crowd of 15 people in the kitchen, eating food and sandwiches and, and go in the fridge and get the stuff they want. And it was just always The kitchen has to come. They're so large, it's so bizarre. Next, again, growing up the kitchens, always the big places, everything is a small place. And then we're seeing reversals is that you know, the kitchens where you prep stuff, then it kind of goes out to where it's gonna go. And you're kind of going nuts. People live in kitchens. And that's the food if you break bread with somebody, it's it's a very personal thing. It is. Yeah.

Julie Scott:

And that's one of the things that I love, you know, talking about with people is, you know, because I think there's so much with women wanting to lose weight, but it's like, and food becomes the enemy. And it's just like, that's not that's not the way to look at it.

Mark Laurie:

I had a client one time, She's so cool. And she was she was really good shape. He was a runner, she ran a lot. And I said, See I love running, we should do something on your shoes. I hate running. Really, because you run a lot, which is Yeah, because there's this desert that she loves. And it is like calorie packed. He says my choices are not run and don't eat that dessert ever again, or run and burn the dessert off.

Unknown:

See that's the wrong way to look at it because then then an exercise is punishment for eating because that that is exactly the thing that I talk about all the time. Like it's just like we were talking about before you hit record. It's like our bodies are mostly water. The food we eat is mostly water. If you're eating something and you're beating yourself up while you're eating it then your body processes That differently puts it right to fat, it doesn't use it as fuel, because you're cursing it, right? If you if you actually enjoy it, and then understand that you're on a journey and tomorrow, you'll just continue on with your healthy eating that you don't have to restrict and feel punished and all of that. It's like, that's kind of stuff that I love flipping the script on. That's my wheelhouse.

Mark Laurie:

So what is your, I guess the personality personality traits? You're the most proud of? You sit back not single my gravestone this personality trait? It's the one that's the top of the ladder.

Julie Scott:

My sense of humor

Mark Laurie:

Yeah,

Julie Scott:

I mean, it's been my ally, and my friends and my shield, and but it's not my shield anymore, because I don't need it for that. But I think that I love to laugh. And that sense of humor, I think is invaluable. And just to be able to just to be quick to laugh, that's totally me.

Mark Laurie:

So just cut that interest. Interesting. So you start off your humor was developed as a shield as a thing to hide behind and project somebody else? What changed? How did you change that to becoming a friend and becoming who you are?

Julie Scott:

I think because my sense of humor, I don't think I can. I don't I can't say that I consciously thought about that or consciously tweaked that. I think that with my own evolution has come along with me. You know, just like our brain has that little devil in the angel. I think my humor has that too. It's like it's just come along with me and the angel side of my humor just shows up more often because I don't need to hide anymore. So

Mark Laurie:

what personality traits still bothers you that you'd wish you could refer?

Julie Scott:

People I'm still a people pleaser, I still have I still I still catch myself saying yes. More. apologizing when I don't need to, you know, people, people pleaser side of me is something I definitely, I think that's going to be a lifelong journey. You know, I'm just getting much quicker at catching it. I'm quicker at recognizing how it's how it's showing up in the sneaky way over here. It's like and that's me wanting to be liked over here. This is me wanting you know, to be accepted and loved over here. You know, whatever that is. And I think that's it's the people pleaser thing is I don't think I'll ever get rid of it. It's just like saying, I can't get rid of fear. It's just part of it's part of life, right? It's part of who I am. And I've just learned to recognize it faster.

Mark Laurie:

I think people pleasing. So I'm following him character, I like to help people out and you know, do whatever I can to I don't think people pleasing by itself is bad. I think when you are letting yourself be taken advantage of or you don't recognize that this time, you don't want to do that. And that's not a bad thing.

Julie Scott:

Well, I think that people pleasing in general is when when I speak of it, it's always the bad, I'm doing that. Because I don't think that you know, because you're not doing things from an authentic place. You're doing it because you're trying to either manipulate the outcome or you don't I mean, it's not you're not coming from a genuine place you're trying you're not really being yourself, when you're not

Mark Laurie:

that's that's a good point with people pleasing is when you're not really being yourself and you take that mission, then you got to stop and say, Okay, wait a minute, this. How can I refrain that I don't mind helping you? Might you have a nature to help? That's okay. But I'm going to frame this request in a way that's authentic. And then you have to kind of go through that process and the authentic process may be now I think it's better for both of us, if we knew at night out.

Julie Scott:

Yeah. And I also I think, for me, too, it's like my people pleaser, had a buddy the fixer. I was a fixer too. It's like, Oh, he's great, but I can make him better. You know, it's like that within a relationship, or I think I did that my marriage, you know, so it's like, the fixer. And people pleaser for me are kind of buddies. And so you have that fixer kind of, you kind of assume that you know better, or a person or an or that they're not capable, you know, which is like,

Mark Laurie:

hidden language happens with those things that come up, don't they? It's like, you're not capable yourself. What's the best advice you've received?

Unknown:

I won't say the actual word that she said in the sentence. But it was when I was when I first left my husband and I was just so overcome. And it was my mentor, this woman who's about I think she's 17 years older than me. And I think everyone needs somebody like that in their life who isn't their parents. And I was just so upset over what I had done, but I've looked at my life that had hurt him and all this stuff. And she put her hands on my shoulder and she's like, stop, you're crying. I was like, you know, cuz she, you know, just just, it was kind of the, the advice that I needed. It's like, you're not getting anywhere by crying about it. You know, it's like, it's okay to be emotional and to let it out. That's not what she was saying. But she's like, come on. What's next? You know, you can figure this out, come on, you know, it kind of like that. And it was really I mean, honestly, that I that was just one of the most profound things that anyone had ever said to me. And with Uh huh. And especially powerful I

Mark Laurie:

woke up for that attention. Yeah, I have a one of my friends who are my clients, they come both quite quickly. And she says, You know, I, I believe you need a moments of self pity. Greatest, you can forgive yourself, she says, but for a long time she has I just let it go on forever. Besides, she said, I give myself a clock. If something goes wrong. I just associate I set the clock for 15 minutes, allow myself to the deepest, most self pity person you could possibly imagine. The alarm goes off, I'm done.

Julie Scott:

That is so smart. I mean, that is really that is so smart. Because as I said earlier, it's like stuffing, stuffing things and saying, Well, you know, I too, I should just Buck up, you know, I should just put my head down and keep going like that. But it's like, those kinds of things. I know for myself, too. It's like stuffing those motions showed up and like, wait around my lower body. I mean, it's the truth. I mean, it's weird how it shows up in different ways if you just keep stuffing those emotions. So that's a great practice. That's Oh, probably Her face is probably perfectly aligned. And she's happy.

Mark Laurie:

I talked about that. And she says, Yeah, there's a time of life. She says I'd had a crooked face and I was I'd be miserable and the stuff I want to kind of do all the time. Right. So that's, that's kind of a wild thing. So we're gonna wrap back at this guy can talk to you for a very long period of time. You got some neat, I can see what I enjoy. Talk to people. I got a very easy fat way around. It's really good. It's really good.

Julie Scott:

Oh, thank you. I do I'd love to talk outside of now.

Mark Laurie:

So this is Mark Laurie. We've been talking to Julie Scott. She is a life coach. She as she said are in the process. She She teaches what she knows what she's gone through. And she's gone through a lot and she's changed a lot and she's got a book out all the links and stuff you can catch down there. She is a person well worth getting to know a bit better and see if she can kind of help you. And of course, you'd want to go and visit her when you do that because she's much more in place than those of us up in Calgary.

Julie Scott:

Yeah, come on, dad. It's like 90 degrees right now. Yeah.

Mark Laurie:

We're minus 13 or 13. As I saw the height of it, it's really it's kind of good. But thank you so much for joining me It has been a delight. It's been a real pleasure. And see you all next time. This is Mark Laurie from spirit photography hosting fascinating women.

introduction:

This has been fascinating women with Mark Laurie. Join us on our website and subscribe at fascinating women dossier fascinating women has been sponsored by inner spirit photography of Calgary, Alberta and is produced in Calgary by Lila's and my office media