introduction: 0:03

Laurie, you're listening to fascinating women with Mark Laurie. And now, Mark Laurie,

Mark Laurie: 0:10

Hello everyone, and welcome to fascinating women. Normally, you'll find me behind a camera photographing these incredible creatures, telling their story on film. But today I've got Holly singer in we're kind of explore her life and see what kind of made her so exciting and interesting. So welcome Holly.

Holly Singer: 0:26

Thank you. Thanks for having me

Mark Laurie: 0:28

So glad to have you into it. So we're talking a bit off camera, and you said you came from a chaotic family. Tell us a bit about that.

Unknown: 0:34

Yeah. And I think that is what kind of helped set me up for the kind of up and down on the roller coaster business. You know, you never know what's gonna kind of happen.

Mark Laurie: 0:48

So your family was blended. You were saying

Unknown: 0:50

yes. So I Yeah. I grew up in a blended family. Both my parents were previously married and had two kids, then they got together and had my sister and I. So I'm the youngest of six, so lots of movement, lots of people, lots of emotions, all different ages. Like my eldest sister is, I think, 11 years older than me, yeah, so she was 11 when I was born, so grew up with teenagers, and yeah, I feel like that kind of just so much busyness and socialization and maybe a little bit of people getting on each other's nerves, definitely prepares you for to be around a lot of different types of people, because business ownership and business networking, and, you know, managing people is a lot of acceptance of different types of people.

Mark Laurie: 1:37

It iis, what two skills did you pull out of thatlooking back , looking back? Well, these, these skills that came from there, I thought I realized that are now useful in my life today.

Unknown: 1:45

Yeah, patience I think, I think some patience and yeah, just not. I don't think I realized it then, but maybe I had words for it now, just realizing what other people do has nothing to do with you, good or bad, or, you know, you can just still keep going and don't get caught up in sometimes, some of the, some of the drama of it all. So I think, I guess, like the term resilience, like, you know, people say, like, you're resilient. It's, you know, the exposure to, kind of just so many different types of personalities and people and things and events coming on, so just kind of makes you a little bit more familiar with different all sorts of things, because that's really what business, especially when you start a business from nothing, and you're like, I don't even know What Wholesale is.

Mark Laurie: 2:41

What would you say your three core beliefs are that drive you

Unknown: 2:45

growth? Growth is a big one, because I know that I'm not perfect, and I'm always growing and really, actually running a business and managing a team was has definitely been a fast track to me looking at my own stuff and being really gentle. As much as I need to be gentle with my staff, I like level my staff are gentle with me. We're all learning together. I think sometimes the business owner role gets kind of put into the category of a parent or a teacher, like, there's people that just expect you to be, to just know what to do. And, you know, I mean, as you get older, you do realize, Oh, my parents are human. What? So I just think so growth is really important for that. Like, I'm always needing to look like though, because of my responsibility in the position I hold, it is my job to always want to grow, not just grow the business, but grow myself to be my best kind of version of me, to help support other people being able to kind of be, be their best selves and show up to work where they're Happy, they're happy, they're doing a good job. They have work life balance and all those things. So growth is one of them. And

Mark Laurie: 4:06

your second one, second one, yeah, patience to your third one, I guess

Unknown: 4:11

that. And it's value. Peace, peace, peace. I came I thought of this. It was a few years ago, and I've always said it, and I feel like maybe me saying it a lot, has been trying to manifest it, but I want to live stress free. And I obviously stress like, I mean, I'm filming a podcast. I was a little nervous today, but that's good. That's good stress. That's good nervousness. I inner peace. Am living a peaceful life is very important to me, and I want that for my staff as well. So, you know, removing those kind of stresses that are in our lives, like not having to worry kind of worry about a job, or worry about things financially, or worry about my friendships, like because I've cultivated them, you know that they're very supportive and deep and. And a big thing I think about that is having time. The most valuable kind of asset we have is time. And I've been reflecting on that a lot recently, because I recently last summer, went went down hours at work, and we're in year nine of milk jar. So, and that was actually really uncomfortable for me, like I went down I stopped working Fridays, and super uncomfortable. Like I was just like, am I gonna get enough work done? Like I feel bad all these sorts of things. And then when I realized, like, after probably three weeks or four weeks, I was like, Okay, I am an infinitely better person when I like. I have a few days off to you know, I have a day I believe humans need three days off. You need a day to run errands, a day to rest and a day to have fun. But typically we have two days off. What do we do? We do errands and we maybe have fun, so we maybe don't rest. Gotta give it, yeah, and I've been, I've been realizing that, like even me showing up to work, I'm more present, I'm infinitely better. I'm getting more work done. I'm happier outside of work, which is a very important part, because milksha, I don't identify with milk jar, milk sure is a huge part of me, but it's not the only part of me. So I've been really like, toying with the idea of, like, how do I bring a four day work weekend for my full time staff at milk jar, because I did the test on me, and for some reason, I was conditioned to think that we need to work 40 hours every week. And I was like, I really think people would they had time outside of their job to create and, you know, connect with their family and friends. I think they would be a lot happier too. Who are your heroes? My heroes? My parents? Yeah, my parents. I've had, I'm just really they're very different people. I've definitely had feelings about them, sometimes growing up, struggles, great relationships, so too, even sometimes, if I feel like there's been moments where we haven't connected on the level that I've wanted to we've connected, like, in ways that just have supported me as an individual. They never even when I was, like, thinking about dropping out of nursing and like my they're, they're professionals, they're they're they're in the healthcare kind of area, and I just thought for some reason, I was like, Oh, me saying when I drop out to start a candle company. I was like, This is gonna be like, they're not gonna How could they support like, that's just not the way of the world. Like, people don't support this. But they were coming into retirement around that age, and I think maybe they had, maybe it would have, I would have gotten a different answer if it was 10 years prior. But I think as they maybe reflected on their jobs and how much they worked and what they did, they were just like, Yeah, dude, what makes you happy? They were so supportive of that. So my parents are, I would say they are, you know, someone I really look up, the people I really look up to, and definitely role models. I don't really have, like a celebrity or like a famous person that's probably healthy, yeah, I don't know I like, maybe I wouldn't say hero is the right word. I don't think anyone is hero, but a role model. Let's look at that term I love. Like Brene Brown is someone who her her written work of, yeah, just what is it on shame and just like being like, just shame and love. And that's been really supportive for me and my journey. And you know, the Jay Shetty podcast, my partner loves listening to his, his his work, and I've had friends that have read think like a monk. And you know, see me, I'm like, oh, inner peace. That's my goal. So I've, yeah, I've listened, I've listened with my partner to some of his podcasts, and, yeah, it's just so real. It's like a, it's a way of, I don't know he talks the things he talks about, just is so relatable to the general public as well. So it's, it's easy to digest, and it's just on the path to just being happy. And I love that so much. Yeah? So

Mark Laurie: 9:28

on your shelf you pick up books to relax, fiction, drama, that kind of thing, or to grow like the Yeah, self help, technical things. What's, what's your favorite book to read?

Unknown: 9:40

Definitely, it's fantasy. Yeah, yes, I loved when I was younger. I will be completely honest, I haven't read a book in a while. Actually, I did read a book recently, to get back into it, I've been listening so I listened to a lot of audio books, and those ones I love listening to, maybe more self help or spiritual but. Books, but I love reading more make believe fantasy. I just read the Alchemist and I that book is, it's all about finding your personal legend and kind of being on that path. So I love that book. I was a big Harry Potter fan, like, read those books many, many times when I was younger.

Mark Laurie: 10:18

That's a lot of reading those are, yeah, I know they're

Unknown: 10:20

big. I write a lot more when I was a kid. Maybe I'm trying to get back into it, because it is a meditative like practice. It's it's so nice. So yeah, and I feel like I have actually a lot of books on my shelf that I haven't read one day. But yeah, the I think the fiction I love, like reading to get lost in fantasy and fiction and then listening to, you know, things that can give me a new way of thinking or a new perspective.

Mark Laurie: 10:48

Before we leave the books. Do you like the book? A printed book, a crack open the spine and there's the whole pretty smell. You prefer the digital version printed for sure, like you're engaged somehow. Isn't it like the spine older that comes up, I

Unknown: 11:01

love that. Yeah. I love printed books all the way, yeah. Is

Mark Laurie: 11:06

there something you believe in that most people don't agree with? Some people disagree with you

Unknown: 11:13

about? Yep, definite, probably. I mean, I would say, like, what I kind of just touched on a little bit. Little bit before the working less and actually getting more. I do know a lot of people believe in that. I think they think they they know they believe in it, but it, I mean, we don't, haven't really brought it to Canada. I know it's been practiced in the UK with and there's been reporting on it, you know better, employee engagement. And so I, as a business owner, I actually presented this to my upper management recently to trial it as a 36 hour work week. Let's try April this. And we're doing it April to August, when we're in our more planning stages, before Christmas when we're busy. I'm like, I want to try a half days on Fridays, 36 hour work week. The goal is that by 2026 if it go if it goes well, which I know it will go well. And it's with it's actually with my team, my upper team, that I have full trust in, like we've The trust has been really earned back and forth, so I feel really confident in it. But the goal is that in 2026 January to August, we are a four day work week. It's going to take time and kind of some working and making sure our team is all on board for that, for all our full time staff. But it was interesting when I brought it up to the three managers that I have, they were even a bit like uncomfortable. Like, it's totally something we all want, they want, but almost there's this, because I believe in it now, but I'm like, there's this, like, uh, is this gonna be okay? Is this gonna be okay for the business? Are we gonna lose money? Are we gonna get as much like, like, this it? I could just see a slight like, uncomfortability of like, whoa, like, thank you. And I'm so I think that belief isn't totally I think there's many people that do believe it, but I do think even for the people I'm offering it to, it's it seems totally out of the box. Yeah, so I'm excited to try it. Your

Mark Laurie: 13:19

reference should be in Italy as I was, I've done core, I've done photography and courses down there. Okay, I think I would be only Venus. And they're always puzzled, like, they'll have a lot of people come up and they'll say, oh, man, I was up at seven o'clock working, and I stayed till seven. He goes here. They'd say, What are you doing wrong?

Unknown: 13:34

Yeah, totally, yeah.

Mark Laurie: 13:37

What's the best advice you've received?

Unknown: 13:41

Focus on progress, not perfection. Best advice, when I was starting, I was at beaker head. Do you know beaker head here in Calgary, so beaker head is like a kind of a weekend. It feels like a Science Festival, yeah, and so there's, there's music, and then there's, there's inventors and things, just contraptions, things that are really cool. So I remember going there, and it was about, I don't know if it's right before I started milkshare Or the first year, but I went to Bucha Ed with some of my friends. And there were these young inventors, I think they were in university that I think they were being interviewed, and what they said about their invention and prototypes and how they got to where they got to is they just said that they're like, You got to focus on progress, not perfection. And then I was like, and that just stuck with me, because I think I was starting, and you can't, when you're starting something, it isn't going to be perfect. Like, by no means, but it doesn't mean you don't put it out to the world. Because if you focus on perfection, that's probably not like we're not even perfect now, but it's but I think a lot of people can get hung up on it, needing it. You need it to be at a certain level, good enough to, you know, present or have it work well. But it doesn't need to be perfect. I think that can be a roadblock, like, oh, it's not as good as that company. Why would I even start? Or why would I put it out there? It's and progress will eventually lead, like, baby steps eventually do lead to a form of perfection, whatever your form is. So that is,

Mark Laurie: 15:15

that changes so much. Yeah, it's just get started. Yeah, this kind of way to go with it. How do you find success and failure?

Unknown: 15:26

I really, success can be has been uncomfortable sometimes for me, but I really, I found that when I don't focus on success, it comes when you lose I've had periods in milk jar where I was kind of lazy, fair and chill. Then I've had periods where it's like, ah, like, need to control, need to make sure the money's coming in. Need to micromanage. And that doesn't work. Oh my gosh, you think it works, but that doesn't work. And then moments where I'm like, You know what? I've set, the tone we've set this, the standards we've set, the values, let's just let people meet us there, and let's loosen the reins, you know, let's let people meet us there. They will or they won't, and that's all good.

Mark Laurie: 16:15

How do you say that's a successful thing that's not successful? Do you have a measure? How do you measure? How do you see when you see success? How do you recognize it? How

Unknown: 16:23

it feels? Yeah, yeah, totally, just how it feels. Success is, yeah, what you define as success is what success is, but it's just not financial. Financial success is important. I mean, that's how a business can continue like you do need the tool of money to keep doing the work that you're doing. So there's definitely financial success, but there's successes in our staff, people elevating themselves and getting a raise, getting promotions.

Mark Laurie: 16:54

More you feel it. More than feel it. That's just you feel successful. That's your meeting.

Unknown: 16:59

A success could even Beach was having a staff meeting where everyone was engaged. Because sometimes we've had staff meetings in the past where half the people aren't engaged even that. It's like, oh, like, we're doing something right? Like, there's, we're all like, that was a successful meeting. Like, and, you know, we all kind of, I see success is when you grow, is when there's growth from what you were before, you know, even people being more confident, or, you know, our product being like work at us having less customer complaints. Okay, we must be doing something right. So direction.

Mark Laurie: 17:34

How do you find failure, like when something goes wrong, either? How do you approach it? I don't,

Unknown: 17:40

I don't know if I've ever deemed anything a failure, and I think this must be, this is probably a part of entrepreneurship. You can't every failure. Every failure is an opportunity. I know we've heard these things, but it truly is, every thing that seems like a failure, or seems like you messed up, or there was a huge mistake. And we have made mistakes, for sure. We've made mistakes in measuring the oil, in our product where they maybe weren't working, weren't burning Well, we had a connection with a wholesaler where they didn't pay their we didn't have a good contract, so they didn't pay their invoice for a very large invoice for, like, almost a year, and that really had us struggle so. But then from each of those, we then, okay, what did we learn? What do we need to change? What do we need to do? And it's, you need the failures or setbacks or the step backs to step five steps forward. You gotta have them, you know. So it's, I see them as also as, like, Ooh, a delight. It's like, oh, we messed up. Oh, something we weren't aware of. Okay, what do we but? But the thing is, it's just, you do have to see it. Oh my gosh, I have a failure of I when we were there was like a candle without, like, a big collaborator, and I switched the wax right before and they were cooling near a cold door. So they may had sink holes in them that I didn't see. So they all went out and they burned all. Well, this is like five years ago, but I replaced them all. It's like, oh gosh, you gotta just, you know, own it. Oh, you gotta own it. That's one thing. You gotta own it and then make it right, and then learn from it. And it's a part of the process, sense

Mark Laurie: 19:23

of owning your mistakes. How far back does that go? Like, does probably teenagers do the thing like, Nah, it's gonna be let them wear I don't

Unknown: 19:32

know if I own my mistakes until I was few years into milk jar, because it's, I mean, I started milksha When I was 2728 it's hard to own your mistake. Accountability. Accountability is one of our core values, though, but what really supported this was bringing in. We had a coach, Randy from purpose and performance, and he he. He created this like vibe of we love giving feedback. We love feedback at milkshare, you love the owner. Loves feedback. You love feedback. When we give feedback, it is a gift and that. We needed that change in mindset. We were all so scared to not everyone, but scared to give it, scared to receive it. It's so I did something wrong. We all saw it as, like, something about ourselves, and it really changed us. Like, no, no, it's not you versus me, it's us versus the problem. So what or whatever it is, like, we like, yeah, so how do we get there, and how do we work on it together? So, yeah,

Mark Laurie: 20:34

it's kind of a society thing. I remember in ages, like, going back quite a few years, I'm sure my age quite but now there's accountability, owning that was the thing. Like you, you screw up. See the Westerns, like you good, you owned up. Yes, that's your thing. That got faded away. People got, like, you said, scared of it, yeah.

Unknown: 20:51

They got, like, a bit like they made it, something about them, yeah, yeah. How to be, how to be released. Now, I think it's like when we see leaders owning their mistakes. I think that makes it safe. It's all about, say, creating safe spaces, right? If you make a mistake and you're gonna get yelled at, I mean, and that's probably comes from our all of our childhoods, right? Like it's everything can be related back to that where it's and you don't even realize one thing i i read this book, the presence process, a book I read not long ago, tears, this book, this book actually is one of I don't want to say it changed my life, but it it catapulted a different way of being. For me, it's and it's about being present, but there's also a meditative breathing process in it for 10 weeks that you practice. But it's about looking at all the things that we react to, and why? Because, like, not we, not every Why don't we all react to the same thing? Some people get upset when someone cuts them off in traffic, but other people don't. So it's not that it's just a universal thing that we all should experience, like a bit of road rage. It's only that we are relating that moment to something that happened when we were younger, or something and like, for example, like, I mean, I will be honest, I wasn't good with feedback. It's all about how people give the feedback, though, if someone's like, you did, you did that's wrong. It's like, you're like, oh, protection. But it was almost like, Hey, can I give you some feedback? And it's all like, it's not a just this a problem. Let's kind of work on it. That's really helpful and supportive, creating that safe space to be to be able to like, yeah, you're right. I did that wrong. But I remember I was one of our, one of our managers, I said something at work, and it really, it was insensitive, I think, like, and it kind of bothered them, so they text me, and I'm like, Hey, that really hurt. Like, when you said that, like, like, kind of made me feel bad about myself or something. And I was like, Oh no. I was like, I totally didn't mean it that way. And then I went, right. I got that feeling in my chest that, like, oh, gosh, I did something wrong. And that immediate want to be like, Oh no, you took it the wrong way. Like, like, basically, like, deflect, not own it. And then I, because of this book, I like, we pause. I was like, Oh, wait, I'm getting that feeling why? I'm like, Okay. And then you're supposed to map back when you last had that feeling that, whatever it is, tightness in the chest, armpit, sweating, and I related it back, actually the and you're trying to find the first time that happened to you, and the first time it happened to me was when I was a kid. I was tipping my chair. My dad always told me not to tip my chair. I fell back and hit my I hit my head and I was crying, but he got really mad at me, like, he really, he did. He did have a reaction, like, and I'm probably from something that happened to him as a kid, but he I had this like reaction, I think, I think I peed my pants, like, I was like, like, that scared so, but I'm like, Oh my gosh, I'm relating someone just saying, Hey, you hurt my feelings to like I did something wrong, and I'm relating it to the same thing, like that same environment, that I'm in the same environment as that as a kid, and it's not they're two completely different things. I don't need to react the same as that. So, yeah, I don't even know what your question was or what you said, but I don't know how I got on that. But fail, failures or accountability, I think that was it. Yeah, so and it is, it is busy, it is owners, leaders, teachers, parents. It's everyone's responsibility, when they become mature, to heal those parts of themselves so they can respond, not react, to create safe space and to create just environments where, you know, people can people can look at their stuff and reflect, and it's safe, because that's how the healing happens. It's

Mark Laurie: 24:54

a tricky thing, because often when you said to someone, okay, well, look, this is you're doing this wrong, or this has to change. True, okay? And they don't want to take accountability for the goal. You're making me feel bad. Yeah, they're two separate things. Yep, you're feeling bad because you didn't do the job, right? So it doesn't validate what I'm telling you. Yeah, they find a better word to tell you, but you can't your job has to still be whatever you're doing doesn't be a job, a relationship or something. You can't go I'm feeling can use that as an excuse. I'm feeling bad.

Unknown: 25:22

Don't act like that. You could say, you could say like, Oh, I feel because we even on staff like, Oh, I'm feeling real bad about myself, but I like that. It's like, not, oh, you're making me feel bad. No, they're taking that responsibility like, Oh, I feel bad. And then we can even acknowledge totally, I could see how this could feel. But hey, I want you to know this has nothing to do with your character. This, this, maybe whatever it is, but like, but we do need to address it, because it's always relating feedback to like, hey. So this is the bit of advice we got from our coach. It was so you never say hey, you did this, like, making whatever, because my reality is different than your reality. We say, hey, it occurs to me. So like, this is what I think it occurs to me that you know you're, you're, you're, get you're, you're getting distracted having your phone out from your task. It's occurring to me that you know you're not focused on your task because you have your phone with you, the impact, and then you say, what the impact is, the impact of that is, you know, our standard operating procedures is to have, you know, this batch of candles completed in an hour, because that's how we kind of have, you know, matched our costs and our labor costs. And we know that that's something that you can meet. But now you know the impact of that is, we're not going to get enough candles completed for the shipments. We're not going to be all working at the same level as a team, and we all need to be working at the same level as each other. I don't love the whole like someone part of a group project, and one person is the one. Like just carrying everyone. We all carry each other. So you say, so first is it occurs. This is what occurs to me. This is the impact I or, sorry, I realize your intent is not like, maybe I don't believe your intent is to harm production, but the impact is that it is, what what do you, what do you think? Kind of like, Hey, what are you? What do you think, or what's going on. And then it's kind of, then you let them say what occurs to them, or what's actually going it's like, Oh, totally, I am. You never talked about their character. You're just talking about like a thing they're doing. And then they can say, Oh, I'm actually, like, something's going on my personal life. So I need my I'm sorry. I'm distracted. I'm not present right now. And then we can go, okay, so how do we get you present? Do you need to take a 30 minute break to go deal with whatever? Do you need this? Are you able to work today? You let me know. But if you are going to come to work, we need you to meet this, this kind of like basic, like standard that we have. And what do you need to get back to that? Because we can accommodate with a break. We can accommodate with, you know, do you need to go call someone. Do you need is today something that you just yeah, like or like? Do you want to go have a conversation? Because something is really going on where it's like you're there's nothing that can happen today to bring you back to that level. And maybe we, just maybe we can be okay with today it being a bit like, let's put your phone away, but maybe your work will be, maybe not where it is today, but we do want you to come back. I'm

Mark Laurie: 28:24

smiling. So being older, I've got this history of business, right? Yeah, I think back in the old days, you'd be like John, working 10 minutes late. Pick up the pace. That would

Unknown: 28:35

work back then totally, totally wrap the desk. No getting slow. I'm a millennial business owner, clearly. And I mean, I love, like, I mean, for that, that's quit, that's that's so easy. That's the easy way for the business order to just be that, hey, let's just get this done. Let's just not work. But then it it creates separation. It creates a divide. It doesn't create connection. It doesn't create Yeah, just just trust between people, and then that create. That's just like, see,

Mark Laurie: 29:06

but back then, they didn't really care about, like, this production, yeah, it was just a production kind of thing, which really kind of, what, what are you curious about right now, inside your

Unknown: 29:16

business, but outside of my business, okay, this is pretty new. So I asked my birthday is coming up in April, and I don't know, I've had this I've been seeing on Instagram, like praying mantises, like a lot of these cute praying mantises, and I've just had this feeling I want to have a pet praying mantis. So actually bought, yeah. So they're, like,

Mark Laurie: 29:35

leashes, and I wish,

Unknown: 29:37

you know, but they'll have a little tank. But I, like, I grew up in Victoria, so they have the Victoria bug Zoo, and I remember having praying mantis on my hand. And I just think, praying mantis, they're like a symbol, I think of, like, wisdom, good fortune, and like they have, like their hands are in prayer. So like meditation and stillness. And they're just so beautiful. So I, and I don't have any bugs in my house. They're mate. When they're they can be cannibalistic. Yeah, they eat. If they're hungry, they'll eat another prey matter, symbolism,

Mark Laurie: 30:02

yeah, I can see a future boyfriend. That's a prey menace.

Unknown: 30:07

I love it. I love it. I'm down for it. It's no, no, that's, that's their, that's their, their, their being. So it's not my being. And so, yeah, my birthday is coming up. And I was like, oh, it's like, so I asked my partner, I was like, Can I get a praying mantis pet for my birthday? I thought he was gonna say, no, like, almost, like, I don't want to bug in the house kind of thing anyway. So last night, I bought a you can buy an egg sack from that, and they will have babies in them so they hatch. So, but there's gonna be anywhere from 10 to 200 babies. So I was like, Oh my gosh, I'm like, I'll have to put on my Instagram, like, Hey, I'm gonna like, because you have to separate right when they're born, you do need to separate them, or also eat each other. I think if they're hungry, I think whatever,

Mark Laurie: 30:54

this whole peaceful I'm a good authority right now,

Unknown: 30:57

well, if they're hungry, but the thing is, I also have to make sure that there's food for them when they do hatch, because they'll be hungry. But the cutest things, and so it's the Chinese green praying mantis that we can have in Canada. That's the only one. There's some beautiful one. So there's an orchid Mantis, and it looks just like an orchid flower. There's like a butterfly one. And I think there's some in like Malaysia, they're stunning. So I said, but yeah, anyway, so what I'm curious about is praying mantises. And I think it'll, it'll ship. I ordered it and now, and I bought it a tank already. I was so excited. And now I'm like, Okay, I think when they hatch, like, if I get, like, there's like, 50 of them, I'll need, like, maybe little cups, like, clear cups, and then maybe I could just, I like, ask, actually, ask all my girlfriends. I might have some praying mantises. If anyone wants one. They're pretty easy to care for. So I might become a praying mantis breeder. I'm not sure. So I'm curious about that. But I just, yeah, anyways, that's kind of an odd thing, but that's currently, presently what I'm curious. I love that.

Mark Laurie: 32:00

So that's so cool. I've never encountered anything like that before, and I've encountered a lot of strange things. Well,

Unknown: 32:05

it's because I have, I don't. I'm not working full time now. I'm able to be curious again, and I can't wait for my staff to get curious again, too.

Mark Laurie: 32:12

Yeah, Richie must be a Calvin Hobbes fan. Oh, yeah. We

Unknown: 32:16

had Calvin and Hobbes books when we were kids in the bathroom. You'd like go to the sit on the toilet and read them.

Mark Laurie: 32:21

There's a service I've got, which is go comics. And so every day I get in sequence the Calvin Hobbs cartoo, what? Oh, it's great. They're all in sequence. So they tell the story. I just love him. He's so great. They're so

Unknown: 32:34

fun. It's make believe. I love the imagination of Calvin.

Mark Laurie: 32:39

Did see a TV show once where they had parents in who had six year old real life Calvin's like, they looked like, Yo, oh. They acted like Calvin, yeah.

Unknown: 32:50

Oh, right. I think he wasn't like

Mark Laurie: 32:52

the strip. But in real life, the car going down the road, yeah, that's

Unknown: 32:56

fair old Dennis the menaces, yes. What

Mark Laurie: 33:00

is your unique talent? What would you sit back and go, Oh, this is the one thing I can do really well. This is my,

Unknown: 33:09

like, a talent or skill, or skill? Yeah, I'm really kind of connecting with people. Like, I'm trying to think of like an instrument or something, but it's like, I would say I'm kind of one of those people where I love, I have an idea to start something, and then, like a skill, like an art piece. I mean, the last time I made I make a pretty good candle. The last time, though, I created something, was a candle, and then I made a business out of it, and then I hadn't created anything after that, but a skill. I what I just said there, connecting with people. I haven't always done it in the best way, but I feel like now where I'm at, how I've gotten to the place where, wait, how what other people do has nothing to do with you. So, but like, I feel really, really good at listening. Sometimes I actually like to talk a lot. It can be a little long winded, but I'm getting better at listening, but I'm really good at, like, feeling how people where they are. I think that's what they call empathy, yeah. Like, like, I can feel, like, literally, physically feel embodied, like, it's really difficult for me to watch, like, horror, horror, or like, even seeing like, a needle go in someone's arm on the film. I like, I truly, I feel it. I'm like, oh. And so I think it's that like energy thing, like, I can just, I can really sense if someone's kind of off having a bad day. I can, I can do that really well. So I'd say that's a really and I've been developing it. I was, I felt I was really good as a kid. And then, you know, you get caught up in, like all sorts of other things. You become a bit less present. And then now that I've kind of coming back to being present, I feel like I'm much more aware. And then it's and then it's easy. That's how you connect with people, is you kind of meet them where they're at, and you can feel where they're at. Yeah, one of the things that

Mark Laurie: 34:57

came across is empathy, because you you. Feel how person works now they function, and the inclination is to manipulate subtly, like not, this is not, not for mean purposes often, but you guide them. Feel an empathetic person can be a manipulative person,

Unknown: 35:13

I guess so. Yeah, yeah, it's, I think, though, I think the term manipulative is feels like it's more the negative side. I mean manipulative or guiding. I mean, is that kind of a similar thing? Like, it's, it's, are you doing something, the gang thing, is it like you can but manipulation is just, it's just like you can manipulate clay. Yeah, right. It's funny, because

Mark Laurie: 35:36

you're right, because manipulation is really a neutral word, totally and yet, oh, you're manipulating me. Oh, that's a bad thing. Then someone else goes, fall apart. To be good.

Unknown: 35:48

So you're, maybe we need to say you're, you're manipulating me for your own benefit. It's like, are you manipulating someone for your own benefit or for their own benefit? Like, Hey, I know what you I feel like, I sense what you're looking for is peace or happiness. So hey, maybe I can, like, manipulate your thinking when you're in this dark place. I can manipulate you to come into this, like, more, hey, it's you're a good person, yeah, okay, that's inch. I don't think we I always think the term manipulate is, I think the one it's used, it is more in the negative way, but it's, it's truly a neutral word. You're right,

Mark Laurie: 36:24

it is. It's, and with Susie and other other trades, where you've been playing, you know, hardware or something like you're working with candles, you played something to fit, yeah, but when it comes to a person thing, but really it's, it's all the same thing.

Unknown: 36:36

Truly, everything in this world is neutral. Words neutral. That's how we that's either destructive or constructive. Yeah, that's it. The

Mark Laurie: 36:45

part that's intriguing is you have two cultures have the same neutral word, yeah, but each culture gives a different meaning to it, yeah? And so if you come together and use the word fireworks,

Unknown: 36:58

awesome, yeah, yeah, it's all about like, is it? Nothing's good, nothing's bad, everything's neutral. It's just, is it constructive or destructive? That's it is manipulative? Is it a constructive manipulation or destructive manipulation? So, yeah,

Mark Laurie: 37:13

what gives you an adrenaline rush? Adrenaline Rush.

Unknown: 37:18

I don't love adrenaline rushes. I've actually become, I used to love, like the roller coaster, like that feeling when I was a kid, and I don't know, as I've gotten older, I'm like, quite like, scarified now, or I'm just like, I'm good. I think maybe I like force myself to like it. But what's get? What gets me an adrenaline rush? Oh, goodness. I don't even, I don't even think I would say not much, because I don't like adrenaline rush. I don't remember the last time I had an adrenaline rush. I think I'm trying to be in this like, piece. Like, like, just do, yeah, yoga and like, like, I love going to yoga. I love working out. I love okay. What makes me get me maybe gives me a positive like, life essence, like feeling that I will not bungee jump ever. You will never see me do that is like, when I am my most like, oh, like, just feel like I'm just in my my best feeling of like, and I feel a lot is dancing, yeah, truly like a good like, going to I love seeing, like, live performances, like, like, like, could be folk or anything, or DJs. But I love when you are with your friends and you are just dancing and and hearing like the music that someone is so talented at in creating, and you're just vibing with that energy. It's just like, that's the most life feeling, life essence, feeling in the world. Yeah, so probably dancing, that's when, I don't know if it's an adrenaline rush, but it's, it's a rush of something we had

Mark Laurie: 39:06

photographed. We're doing a nude series with revealing Venus. And one of the girls that popped up said she wanted to try, very quietly, low down, she was a DJ, and I didn't know how big they were. Like when she would go to do her DJ, think DJs are big. I've had like, three, 4000 people, Oh, yeah. But she had her own band. She had her own warm up band. And so it's so bizarre, like the DJ, who's not a band thing. I have a band. I was just

Unknown: 39:28

very Yeah, DJs. It's yeah. There's so many different types, yeah, big in Canada

Mark Laurie: 39:33

or the states, but it's a massive thing. I was quite surprised. So every we take photographs for new then to throw in her head, she'd do a DJ thing for her,

Unknown: 39:41

then do you know what she plays, or what type of

Mark Laurie: 39:43

DJ it was? Italian. So I didn't quite it was the energy. It was a high energy, high energy. She was a high energy girl, garage music. They found where she was because she left her main area where we were, and her fans had found her. They didn't know what she was doing, because we were doing nudes and. Hmm, and and so she said, can have this part of the day off, because they'd like me to give a presentation. So rather than have them create too much as to why I'm here, I'll just take like four hours have my team set up. I'll do my DJ thing. I'll come back get naked for you. Yep, easy. That was intriguing. Yeah, what resources really helped you with your

Unknown: 40:22

journey? Um, I didn't have like I remember when I started milksha, I put 10 grand on a credit card. So definitely was money being able to start a business in my home that I couldn't have started milkshare If I needed to rent a place. So that was super supportive. The first few years, milk chair was in my home. So yeah, the reason having a having a supportive, supportive roommates that were down to have a cattle factory in the living room, I subsidized a little bit of the rent. But my roommates were so great, even they would help me like sometimes they'd come label candles when it was just me. Yeah, the resource I would, I would say, the resources of my, my little village, support my, my little community supporting me. The greater community Calgary, seeing that we're doing, we're we're doing good things, and they want to support us. Yeah, candles, not a need. It's definitely a want. But I love that people want it.

Mark Laurie: 41:27

You had, you said the put $10,000 down. That's, I mean, I don't know what your whole economics were, but it happened to me actually roommates. I'm guessing that was a huge thing.

Unknown: 41:36

Oh, yeah, I didn't pay it off for like, two or three years to that feel like, when

Mark Laurie: 41:39

you're because that's a that's where you're putting your money, where the mouth is kind of thing. That's kind of thing. That's like, okay, so if this fails, I got paying

Unknown: 41:45

interest on it. And then I think after that, I did ask my dad for, I think it was like, going a year. And the thing is, military was making money, but I kept investing it back into buying more things. So I did actually ask my dad. It's like, oh, could I as, like, my credit card is, like, at 20 grand, like, I could use some. Yeah. So, so then he did support me with that a little bit, which was helpful, yeah. How

Mark Laurie: 42:15

did that moment when you how, when you sit back and go, that's 10 grand, and I don't know. I didn't, it's not, there's no guarantee.

Unknown: 42:23

I wasn't stressed, actually, and maybe that's why I was able to do it. I kind of like, I'm like, a money comes, money goes, kind of person, and I felt that what milk jar was was, and is it was important. So I definitely, I don't even think I knew it at the time, but I, for some reason, I just had this interview. This indigenous feeling like I align with this, and it's I know I can make a good product and the mission is important. I was like, I just felt like, protected by the universe, like, you know, like, I was like, I'm confident, and I'll keep it going for and also I was confident, but also like, oh, it could not work out. But I was like, Oh, well. Like, I'll if I'll see what happens after two or three, if we're not profiting after two years, like, I'll go back to nursing school. Not a lot of

Mark Laurie: 43:10

people have the belief the universe is gonna look after them. Where do Where did that come into existence for you? How did that arrive that you felt the universe would look after you? Um,

Unknown: 43:20

when, probably about a year and a half ago is when it really, I think some

Mark Laurie: 43:26

caught embers were really where I knew back and you go, okay, in all, not just business, but in just in life in general, the universe is gonna look after me. Where did that arrive in your brain?

Unknown: 43:36

So the, I think what people need to realize is the universe is you too. Okay, so you were all connected like we are the universe, and how the universe speaks to us is through our intuition, through those little like, Oh, that feels good. Like, if you ever get I think they speak to you through goosebumps, truly, like my, my therapist calls them truth bumps. Okay? Like, how? Like, when you get goosebumps about something, whether it's good, or, like, ooh, this doesn't feel like a good situation. Or, Oh, my God, I'm excited about that. It's like, when you get those little hair sounds on the back of your neck, it's a, it's, that's the truth. That's truth bump. So I think when I don't even know, I feel like I have had a closer connection to listening to my intuition than maybe some people I don't identify as I have. I have experienced anxiety, but I truly in my life, even though I grew up in a chaotic family, I don't I truly didn't have a ton of anxiety. So I think my mental mind is slightly quieter than most people. So you have two voice so there's two voices, you got your mental mind, and then there's your higher self or your intuition, and they both are speaking after the time when you're having that conversation of that. Devil, and that angel on your shoulder, that the devil's your mental mind, and the angel is your is your higher self. So it's all you, but your higher self is like, has all the knowledge of all the world and what your path is. So I think naturally, my mental mind was a bit quieter. I have, though, definitely worried about the fat pass in the future, like, 100% and then over time, I think I though, like, I always had those little like, oh, I want to do that. And I, and I feel, when I feel that moment of, like, even moving to Calgary from Victoria, when I wanted to do that, I was like, and I got into university at UVic, but, and I didn't know, I didn't know, really, anyone in Calgary why moved to Calgary? I was 21 I was already going to uvec, but there's, I just knew for some I was excited about Calgary. I was like, oh, there's something there. I don't know what it is, and I can always move back. But I was like, and I remember, like, even some people were just like, oh no. Like, don't go to Calgary. Like, Victoria is so beautiful, which it is. But I knew there was something I just felt like. I was like, Oh, I just want to, I would like, I think I visited Calgary for the stampede when I was 18, I got asked out on dates. And I was like, Oh my gosh, you got asked out on dates here. I think the universe knew they needed to put like boys in my way because I was boy crazy. So literally, the universe will do that. They'll put in the little clues and the little like pangs of excitement for you to continue to follow that journey. So I but even that, I was like, I got that Pang. There's no rhyme or reason. It was difficult to move all my stuff at like, 21 i and rent a place and pay rent. I was living at my parents house like I couldn't. I didn't need to pay rent and go to university, but it was just following that and then. So now I think I've done that a few times where it's been like, the best decision I ever made. And I think once you get a few of those, you start being like, Wait, like, Why did, why did this work? And it was like, you follow those little those little pegs, those little sparks, those little and they turn into fireworks, truly. But then so that coupled with just like, I think, understanding, wait, what was that? Why did I fall out and then learning about what intuition was, learning my partner says, I have a horseshoe at my butt because he's like, You're so lucky. People have called me lucky. Even in business, people call me I've heard people like you're so impulsive, like you just make decisions like that. I'm like, No, I'm not. I mean, I can be slightly impulsive, but I'm like, I see it. I'm more decisive. I just know, like, I'm kind of, I don't, I don't question when something I just feel like, this is a decision. There are not everything. I totally know the answer, but there are most things. I'm like, this feels right. This feels the way. And I think it's the universe just speaking to me of and it's usually the first thing that comes to your head, and then our mental mind tries to be like, Oh, okay, but this could happen, but what about this option? But this and then nothing happens. Nothing happens if nothing happens. Like, and sometimes, and you and I have made mistakes too, but not that many, I think, because my mental mind is actually quite quiet. It's not in the front seat. And then now, when, since doing the presence process, and it's even easier and quicker, like, I, I try to meditate now, like, just, just regular breathing for 50 minutes. Like, I don't try to do anything fancy, but just breathing. And that's that's been amazing, like, that's been, I mean, it truly does work. I always thought meditating was boring, but it's 15 minutes of that is, it sets you up for the day to quiet your mental mind. No, you're fully supported. And anything bad happening, there's a lesson in it all. I think I've had enough crappy things happen in my life where I'm like, I look back and I'm like, Oh my God, I am so grateful, so grateful for that relationship. I'm so grateful that that happened. Because it like, it's like, putting pressure on what is it coal? Is it coal? Carbon? And it becomes a diamond. You gotta put pressure on it. So, yeah, I think the universe I now am getting the language now where it's like, Okay, I am part of the universe. Like, my way of speaking to the universe is that subconscious, that intuition, and it comes, it comes to everyone. We just, I think some people aren't listening all the time, but you can let everyone can listen to it. And how I'd say is, like, those little pangs, those little truth puzzles that are like, ooh, that trip sounds good. It's like, probably your intuition being like, something's gonna happen on that you need to go on this trip, because something's gonna happen that's cool. We'll wrap it up

Mark Laurie: 49:24

spectacular. Thank you so much for

Unknown: 49:26

joining us today. Thank you so much for having me. I've loved talking about business and praying mantises.

Mark Laurie: 49:32

Everyone can find more about her candles in the bio section and more about her thanks about your time today.

Unknown: 49:38

Thank you, Mark.

introduction: 49:41

This has been fascinating women with Mark Laurie join us on our website and subscribe@fascinatingwomen.ca

Unknown: 49:49

fascinating women has been sponsored by inner spirit photography of Calgary, Alberta, and is produced in Calgary by Lee Ellis and my office media.